


To Build A Home

by anyrei, mugglerock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Angst Holds No Power Over Us - Freeform, Astroglide Makes an Appearance, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, I’ll Never Not Use That Tag - Freeform, John is Actually Awesome for Once - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues Discussed - Freeform, Minor Character with Bipolar Disorder - Freeform, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Season 11, Rimming, Romance, Sam is a lawyer, You’ll See What We Mean - Freeform, but - Freeform, but not, canon-divergent, fallen!cas, lots of fluff, maybe a little, mechanic!Dean, okay, supernatural verse but with a plot twist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:10:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 53,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9922235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: Dean Winchester had a quiet life. Quiet, but good. He had a great car, awesome parents, successful brother, and a beautiful house he built with his own two hands. Despite that, it had never felt like a home. And then, one day, he finds a naked man, lost and confused in the woods. How was he to know his life would never be the same again?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Any here: Although this looks like a “happy canon AU” it really is a canon compliant spn-verse story up until the season 11 finale.
> 
> Frankie here: I was dragged along for the ride. <3
> 
> Any here: Shush, I wouldn't even have finished the first chapter if you haven't been there, writing this with me. <3
> 
> Frankie here: Nope, I just sit here and look pretty. :p
> 
> Any here: (The only true part about that sentence is the "look pretty")
> 
> Frankie here: STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU, DAMNIT.
> 
>  **Edited to add** : We now have a joint tumblr for our writing. If you find yourselves amused by our antics or simply are just bored, follow us [here](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/)!

 

**Chapter 1**

 

_And, I built a home_

_For you_

_For me_

_Until it disappeared_

_From me_

_From you_

 

Dean inhaled a deep breath of fresh morning air, the earthy smell mixing in with the scent of wet grass filled his lungs as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the first warm rays of light breaking through the leaves of the forest. The barking of Bones, his brother’s golden retriever who Dean was dog-sitting for a few weeks, broke him from his reverie.

 

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. Just a few more weeks and he would be dog free again. Bones ran in circles around him and started barking wildly, jumping up and down as if he was agitated over something.

 

“Calm down, dog. It’s okay. We’re going on _your_ freakin’ morning walk, alright? Jeez,” Dean grunted and shut the door of the small cabin that he had built himself just a few years ago and proudly called his home. The most beautiful thing about it was how the house was surrounded by trees and accompanied by a small lake next to his backyard. It was serene and quiet, and Dean couldn’t imagine a better place to live. He liked the quietness of it.

 

The only thing missing was someone to share it with. It wasn’t that Dean had trouble meeting new people or making friends. He was well liked in Lawrence, the town where he grew up and where his parents still lived just thirty minutes away. But there was never a moment where it had just… clicked with someone. He had never met someone with whom he could imagine spending the rest of his life with. Not that he hadn’t tried, but that was in the past.

 

Recently it had just been himself, until Sam’s stupid dog was forced to keep him company. And if Dean was honest with himself… he had given up on the idea of finding his “true love.” Finally accepting the fact that was something that only existed in Disney movies.

 

“Hey, dog! Come back!” Dean shouted in annoyance as Bones vanished, barking agitatedly into the undergrowth. _Stupid dog…_

 

Bones wasn’t usually like this. The mutt must have caught the scent of a rabbit or some other animal. Dean groaned, he knew he had to catch up to Bones before he got to whatever poor creature he was chasing. It was strange though, the dog had never shown any kind of hunting instinct before.

 

“Bones? Bones! Come back, you stupid dog!” Dean shouted as he spotted Bones a few feet away, sniffing at something behind a tree. He barked again and wagged his tail as he jumped up and down, rustling in the leaves around him.

 

“You found something, huh? Let me see,” Dean climbed onto the small elevation where the trees hid a, probably, scared to death rabbit. He held onto some branches, trying to not lose his footing on the slippery leaves, when he peered around the huge tree and froze in shock.

 

It wasn’t a rabbit, but the scared to death part was right… Curled up at the tree trunk sat a man, with wide, fear-filled blue eyes, hugging his knees close to his naked body.

 

“What the…” Dean knelt in front of the man and pushed Bones away. “Bones! Shush! Fuck… Are you okay, man? You don’t have to be afraid. He doesn’t bite. He’s more like a big, fluffy cuddle monster, you know… Hey…” Dean held his hand out to the man in front of him, who still looked afraid and kind of confused. His dark raven hair was messy and sticking out in every direction, and a five o’clock shadow framed a pair of ridiculously sexy lips.

 

And that thought was beyond inappropriate. The man had obviously been through something horrible and this was so not the appropriate situation to be having pervy thoughts about a naked, terrified man lost in the forest.  

 

Dean shed his jacket and pushed it into the man’s hands, who tilted his head and squinted his eyes at him before slowly burying his hands in the material.

 

“I live nearby. How about you come with me, have a cup of coffee and tell me what happened, okay? I can get you some clothes, too.”

 

The man finally nodded and started to put on Dean’s jacket as he suddenly, and without warning, stood up from the ground. Dean averted his eyes. Apparently, the guy had no concept of shame.

 

“Thank you,” the guy mumbled quietly. It was the first time he had said anything and Dean was surprised by the deep and gravelly sound of his voice.

 

“No problem. I’m Dean, by the way,” he offered his hand to the other man who just looked at it for a few seconds in quiet contemplation. Before Dean could take his hand back, he grabbed it with both of his hands and just held it for a few seconds as if he had never shaken another person’s hand before. His fingers felt warm and soft, even though he had probably been outside for a while and it was a bit chilly, considering it was the beginning of fall.

 

He stared at him with unblinking and confused eyes, “I don’t know who I am.”

 

That took Dean aback, “What? Do you know what happened to you? How you got here?”

 

The man let go of his hand and looked down at the forest floor, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. “No… I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t remember anything…”

 

Dean laid his hand tenderly on the man’s shoulder, “You don’t look injured, but hey, maybe you’re in shock or something? Come on, I’ll take you somewhere warm and I bet you’ll feel better after a hot cup of coffee, okay?”

 

The man gave him a sad smile and nodded, “Okay.”

 

He followed Dean slowly to the cabin and seemed to be taking everything in with wide-eyed curiosity. Dean wondered how much the mysterious stranger had forgotten and what the hell happened to him in the first place. He contemplated taking him to the hospital to get him checked out, but decided to wait, in case the man remembered his name after a cup of coffee and some rest.

 

When they got to his house, Dean went straight to his bedroom to retrieve some old clothes from his wardrobe, startling as he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, right in his personal space. “Um, hey…” From up close the man’s eyes looked otherworldly and Dean was sure he had never seen such a deep, rich tone of blue before. Like an endless ocean, illuminated by the warm sunrays of a summer’s day...

 

Dean gulped as the man continued to stare unabashedly at Dean, apparently not realizing that his behavior was odd and on the verge of inappropriate. Dean handed him the clothes and cleared his throat, “You can change in here. Just come to the kitchen when you’re done.”

 

Dean fled from his own bedroom and went straight to his coffee maker as soon as the man started to pull out of Dean’s jacket. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he slowly shook his head and tried to think about what he should do next. Bones sat next to his feet and tilted his head. “Strange morning, right?” Dean asked the dog, who barked back at him in response.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

 

Dean started preparing coffee as the stranger slowly emerged from Dean’s bedroom. The dark blue jeans hung low on his hips and the black t-shirt looked a little loose around his chest, although Dean could see that the man was in good shape. Not too muscular, but definitely trained… like a runner or a swimmer.

 

Dean watched how the man took in his surroundings, slowly looking over the living room and kitchen with curious eyes. His gaze landed on Dean again, this time accompanied by a warm smile. “You have a beautiful home. There’s a lot of love and work interwoven in this place.”

 

“Thank you,” Dean replied slowly. It was strange that this man couldn’t remember his own name, but noticed that Dean had put a lot of work into his home. “I built a lot of this stuff on my own… Um, here... sit down.”

 

Dean pulled one of the wooden chairs out from the dark, walnut kitchen table, which he had built three years ago in his little workshop. It had taken him a month to finish it, but it was worth every hour he had spent on it. He had never built a table before in his life, so he was very proud of himself when he had finally finished.  

 

The stranger slowly sat down, letting his hands slide sensually over the smooth surface of the table, closing his eyes as a serene smile flitted over his lips. Dean couldn’t deny that he found everything about this man fascinating. He was like a blank paper, ready and open to be filled with a story that had been erased. Dean wanted to learn more about him, to understand this man’s past. For some reason he felt a weird pull towards this stranger. A feeling of sadness and longing mixed with a strange sense of already knowing this man. Which was ridiculous. Dean was sure he had never seen this guy before in his life.

 

He felt the man’s eyes on him as he turned around to fill two mugs with steaming, and very much needed, coffee, “How do you like your coffee?”

 

The man tilted his head again, which seemed to be his thing when he was confused, “I don’t know.”

 

“Uh, yeah. Sorry, man. At least we can figure this much out.” Dean took the milk and sugar and placed them on the table together with the two coffee mugs. He filled his own mug with milk and four spoonfuls of sugar (he liked it sweet, even though his brother teased him for it) and stirred the beverage until everything blended together. He slid the mug over to the man who stared at it for a few seconds as Dean sat down next to him.

 

“Try this one, but be careful, it’s still hot.”

 

The man took the mug carefully in his hands and lifted it before looking up at Dean again with a concerned expression, “How… would I be careful?”

 

A pained expression flashed over Dean’s face as he wondered how many things this man had forgotten. Dean laid his hands tenderly over his as he bent over and blew on the hot coffee a few times. It felt way more intimate than it had any right to be and Dean felt his heart rate quicken as their eyes met over the mug.

 

“Like that…” Dean whispered, his voice suddenly hoarse as he slowly pulled back. The stranger still looked at him as he pursed his lips and softly blew on the coffee. Dean couldn’t stop his own lips twitching up into a grin, causing the man to smile happily at him. A happiness that reached his eyes, giving them a glow of warmth and light that took Dean’s breath away.

 

Not for the first time that morning, Dean wondered why everything with this man felt so intense.

The stranger sipped at Dean’s coffee and smiled again, “This tastes very nice.”

 

“You wanna try without milk and sugar to taste the difference?”

 

The man nodded and took the other mug in his hand. He blew on the steaming coffee like Dean had showed him and sipped at it. He scrunched his nose and shook his head, “I like yours better.”

 

Dean grinned and poured milk and sugar in the other man’s mug, “That’s a good start. See, now you know how you like your coffee: Sweet and blonde.”

 

“Thank you, Dean.”

 

“You’re welcome. So… can you… um… what’s the last thing you remember?”

 

The stranger took in a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. “I remember a bright light, pain… like falling...” he shook his head slightly before he continued, “and then I woke up with… the dog barking at me.”

 

“Nothing before that? Like where you’re from, your childhood, special things you can do?” Dean asked curiously. There must have been _something_ he could remember.   

 

The man shook his head, “No, I’m sorry. I know basic things, like what everything is… I understand you, obviously… I don’t know if I have any special things I can do for I have nothing to compare my skill to. I’m trying to find something in my memory to remember my name, but it’s like… everything is white… it’s hard to explain.”

 

Dean could see how frustrated his new, mysterious friend was getting and touched his hand to calm him down, “Don’t force yourself. It sounds to me like you maybe had an accident or whatever, though that doesn’t explain how you ended up in your birthday suit in the woods. Maybe I should take you to a hospital to let you get checked out. Just in case you injured your head in some way?”

 

“Will they keep me there?” The man asked quietly.

 

“Maybe, it depends on what they find. We should also check in with the police to see if anyone has reported you missing already. If you have a family, they’re certainly already looking for you.”

 

“What if nobody is missing me? I don't know anybody…” the dark haired man asked, slowly starting to realize the situation he was in.

 

“You know me now and if you want to, I can stay with you until you find your family.”

 

“And if I don't have a family?”

 

Dean gave him a reassuring smile, he knew the man needed stability now, something to hold on to considering as far as he knew, he had lost everything. It was hard to imagine how that felt. “Then you still made a new friend.”

 

His new friend stared at him with an anxious expression before his face slowly relaxed as Dean’s words finally sunk in. “Thank you… I can't thank you enough.”

 

Dean shot him a quick smile before standing up from his chair to retrieve his laptop. “There’s one thing we have to do though, as long as you can’t remember your name. You have to get a temporary one, otherwise I won’t know what to call you.”

 

“Okay… how are we going to choose one?” the man asked as he watched Dean start the laptop and open a browser window.

 

“I’ll show you a list of names and you pick the name that speaks to you, that feels right, okay?”

 

Dean googled male names and clicked the first page that advertised to have the largest list of baby names there was to find on the internet. He turned the screen to the man next to him and let him read, silently glad that reading obviously wasn't something his new friend had forgotten.

 

After a substantial silence, the man looked up at Dean again, confusion written all over his face, “I don’t know… there are a few names on that list that somehow… like Clarence and Steve. James somehow even more…”

 

“James? Maybe that’s your name?” Dean asked, hopeful that reading all of the names would have triggered something in his new friend.

 

The man furrowed his eyebrows and squinted his eyes at the screen. “I don't know, but it speaks to me… like it is somehow familiar.”

 

“Maybe ‘cause it’s your name. You look like you could be a James.”

 

His new friend gave him a sceptical look before he nodded finally, “As long as I don't know for sure, I will take this name.”

 

Dean grinned at him and took his hand to shake it, which earned him a perplexed look from the other man. “Okay, let's try again. Hey, my name is Dean.”

 

“You already told me your name, Dean.”

 

Dean laughed and rolled his eyes, “This is where you shake my hand and tell me your name.”

 

“Oh… _oh!_ Okay. Hello, Dean, my name is… James… as long as I don't know my real name, anyway.”

 

“It's very nice to meet you, James. Okay, are you hungry? I was just about to make some breakfast and then we could go to the hospital, alright?”

 

“Okay,” A warm and shy smile slowly appeared on James’ lips when he looked at Dean with so much gratitude in his eyes that it nearly made Dean uncomfortable. He didn’t feel like he deserved that sort of look from the other man. Dean was just trying to help.

 

Dean shuffled to his fridge and gave its contents a contemplative once-over. “I bet it doesn’t make any sense to ask you if you like scrambled eggs and bacon?”

 

James looked at the floor, “No, I’m sorry. I can’t recall any taste or food I’d like.”

 

The worry in his tone made Dean turn around and look at the other man. “Hey, it’s okay. Just take it easy. I’m sure everything will come back to you after a while. We’ll just try this and… I mean, you can’t really go wrong with scrambled eggs and bacon. I think everyone likes that… If they aren’t vegetarian… or whatever.”

 

James tilted his head and just looked at him. Dean had to contain his grin. The head tilt thing was really cute. “I’m sure you'll like it,” Dean tried to reassure the other man.

 

Dean started to prepare the breakfast and got so focused on the task that he startled when James suddenly appeared next to him at the kitchen counter, just staring at him like he was the most interesting person on the planet. Somehow, seeing James stand so close to him left his heart aching for something… something that he had lost a long time ago. Which didn’t make any sense to him. _Hell_ , this whole morning didn’t make much sense.

 

Dean felt the hair on his arm rise, the tension between them intense and thick. He swallowed and turned away to finish preparing the breakfast. He cleared his throat, scrambling the eggs and poured them into a pan with parsley, salt, and pepper, “Would you mind putting plates on the table? They’re in the cupboard, top shelf.”

 

James nodded and did exactly what Dean had asked him to. He was weirdly focused on that simple task, every move deliberate, his gaze intense and what looked like an almost surprised awe.

 

When he was done with the plates he resumed his place right next to Dean at the kitchen counter, “Can I do something else?”

 

Dean smiled, “Nah, why don’t you have a seat? Relax, this should be done in the next ten minutes…” James still appeared reticent, fidgeting nervously with the hem of the slightly too big shirt. Dean chuckled and took a step back from the stove, holding out the spatula, “Here, wanna see if you can cook eggs while I start the bacon?”

 

James’ face lit up like a christmas tree as he nodded, “What should I do?”

 

Dean put the spatula in the guy’s hand and guided him to stand in front of the pan. He held James’ wrist and pushed his hand back and forth, flipping and scrambling the eggs in the pan as they slowly cooked. Dean could feel the heat in his cheeks at the intimate position, feeling a little silly at the pretty blatant maneuver. Kind of like the cliche move to get close to a chick by showing her what to do in a game of pool. Dean smiled as he retracted his hand, “Like that, just keep flipping them over until they’re cooked…”

 

James smiled at him, looking like he was having the time of his life, “Thank you, Dean.”

 

He clapped him on the shoulder and nodded, before grabbing the package of bacon and tossing the entire contents into the pan next to the eggs. Dean found the tongs and started flipping the bacon in the pan as it started sizzling. The smell was heavenly. When he saw the eggs started to get firmer, he leaned forward to turn the heat down so they wouldn’t be burned by the time the bacon was finished.

 

Finally, food finished, Dean drained the bacon grease and used the tongs to put the bacon on a paper towel to drain the remaining grease. They seemed to work effortlessly together, James side stepping him easily as they put the food on the plates. It had been far too long since he’d shared breakfast with anyone, let alone prepared it. It was kind of nice.

 

Dean grabbed the salt and pepper shakers and put them on the table as he took a seat, James copying his action to sit across from him. Dean hummed happily around a mouthful of bacon before turning to the guy, “So, what’s the word? Do you like bacon and eggs?”

 

James had his eyes closed and hummed around the fork in his mouth. When he looked up at Dean he smiled, “This makes me very happy.”

 

“Dude, if this makes you happy, you should taste one of my burgers…” he chuckled.

 

“I can’t imagine anything better, but I’m open to the experience,” James mumbled before he shoveled more egg into his mouth. The noises he made weren’t helping Dean get his mind out of the gutter.

 

Dean tried to focus on his own food, but when James outright moaned, he put his fork down. “Come on, man. It’s not _that_ good…” he chastised, but there was no heat behind it.

 

James gave him a surprised look, before he squinted his eyes thoughtfully, “Maybe you’re right…” He slowly put down his fork, “It’s the first thing I’ve ever tasted. I don’t have anything to compare it to, so maybe there’s food out there that tastes even better. Although, it’s hard to imagine.”

 

Dean nodded, he should probably cut the guy some slack. It wasn’t his fault that he woke up in the middle of nowhere, memoryless and confused. “I get it, just, try to tone down the sex noises. You’re gonna make me think I’m a better cook than I am…” he offered with a small smile.

 

James tilted his head, looking confused before he seemed to realize something. He looked down at the table, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dean reached over and gently placed his hand on James’, “I just… Shit, now I feel like a dick for bringing it up.” He drew back and smiled, “I’m sorry, make all the sex noises you want, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable…”

 

“I hope I get the opportunity to try the… um… burger you mentioned. Maybe then I’ll be in a better position to judge if you’re a good cook. I’m sure I can try to use words instead of noises.”

 

Dean chuckled. For a dude with no memory and no idea which way was up, he was pretty funny. He realized then he genuinely liked James. Dean was glad he could help the guy out. He was about to ask another question about things James liked and had to internally chastise himself. “It’s weird, I keep wanting to ask you stuff about yourself. Is uh… is anything coming back to you?”

 

James licked at his fork, before he put it down on his empty plate. He shook his head slowly, his expression a mixture of thoughtfulness and annoyance, “I still know a lot of things… When you mentioned the sex noises… I knew what you were talking about, but I can’t recall if I’ve ever had sex or how it feels. I just know what it is. It’s like I have knowledge about a lot of things, but there is no connection of myself tethered to it.”

 

“That’s kind of crazy, so it’s kind of like you saw all these things from afar or…” Dean asked, finding his new friend’s situation just as intriguing as the man himself.

 

James scratched at his chin, “When I try to think about anything in my past all I get is… white… emptiness. A sense of loss… somehow and… I think... contentment. Which is a strange combination, isn’t it?”

 

Dean hummed thoughtfully as he fed Bones a piece of bacon. “I don't think so… Maybe the loss was a good thing. Like a bad ex or something…”

 

“You think a trauma could be the reason for this? Like something bad happened and I don’t want to remember?” James asked carefully.

 

Dean shrugged, “It’s possible, right? I mean, the only stuff I know about amnesia comes from movies and I’m not entirely sure there was medical accuracy when Kermit the frog forgot who he was and became an ad salesman…”

 

“Who is Kermit the frog?”

 

Dean laughed, “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t reference shit when you can’t remember. He’s a muppet, here…” He pulled out his cellphone and found a trailer from The Muppet Show on youtube. He handed his phone to James.

 

For a moment James gave him a confused look and Dean leaned over to press the play button. James’ eyes grew wider as he watched the trailer for the new Muppet show, his lips twitched until he outright smiled watching the video.

 

“So, I’m a bit like Piggy… not knowing anyone,” he said with a soft smile after the video stopped.

 

Dean chuckled, “Nah, she doesn’t remember people cuz she’s self-absorbed. You’re more like Kermit in the Muppets Take Manhattan…” Dean pulled up a short clip from the film and showed that to James next.

 

James smiled, “The frogs look very cute.”

 

Dean had to refrain from commenting that was something else James had in common with Kermit. “Yeah, I guess…”

 

James handed him back his phone, “The bear from the other video looked nice, too.”

 

“That’s probably the weirdest review of The Muppets I’ve ever heard,” Dean teased. James was kind of like an alien from another planet. His very own Spock. It was pretty cool.

 

James rubbed the back of his head, looking a bit embarrassed, “Maybe I can do a better one when I start to remember anything. _If_ I start to remember…” he let the last words trail off, looking down at Bones when the dog started sniffing at his hand. James awkwardly patted Sam’s dog on the head.

 

Dean felt really bad for James. He couldn’t even try to imagine what it would feel like to wake up and not remember anything from his life. Dean gave him a comforting smile, “We’ll see what we can do. Let’s see what the hospital can do for you, if you’re up for it?”

 

James looked down at the table, his finger drawing some random patterns on the wood, “Would you stay with me? You’re the only person I know.”

 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, of course. If you want you uh… you could stay here until we find out who you are?” Sam would kill him for offering to take in a stranger like this, but Dean had a really good feeling about the guy. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was this almost… inherent trust he felt for James.

 

James looked up at him with wide eyes, “Dean…” It was just his name, but James made it sound like it was so much more, “I don’t know how I can thank you.”

 

“No thanks required, man. I’m just being a human being, you know?” Dean brushed James’ compliment off. He wanted to believe that the majority of people would act like he would in such a situation. But life had taught him otherwise.

 

“Still… if there is anything I can do… anything you need help with and it’s in my power, please ask. I can’t imagine where I would be if you hadn’t found me.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll uh… I’ll let you know…” Dean smiled a little awkwardly and moved to clear the table, “I’ll just grab a jacket and we’ll head on out, okay?”

 

James nodded with a soft smile, “Okay.”

 

**….. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had enjoyed showing James his car, the way the guy marveled at her beauty. Dean’s chest puffed out with pride when James caressed the side of Baby with an awed amazement, “She’s beautiful,” James looked up at Dean with a smile.

 

He could have hugged the guy for referring to her gender correctly. Most people thought it was weird that Dean thought of his car as a lady, but if all boats are supposed to be chicks, then it was only logical that the same should be said about cars. Dean chuckled, “I built her myself. She was mostly scrap metal and a dinged up frame when I got her…”

 

James tilted his head, “It’s the same with your house and your furniture. I sense how much love and work you put into it.”

 

Dean smiled, despite how awkward James’ kind of blunt compliments made him feel. He brushed the comment off as they got into the car. Reaching into the backseat, he grabbed the box of cassettes and handed it to James, “Here, see if there’s something that might jog your memory…”

 

“Music?” James asked with a questioning look.

 

“Yeah, see if any band names or something stand out to you…” Dean picked up a cassette, a mix of his favorite Motörhead songs. He showed it to James, “Ring any bells?”

 

James stared at it intensely, turning it in his hands before he looked at the other tapes. He frowned deeply when he seemed to have found something. “Stairway to Heaven…” he mumbled before he faced Dean with a serious expression, “I would like to listen to this.”

 

He handed Dean a mix cassette with songs from Led Zeppelin. He tried to not feel the weird sense of excitement at James feeling a connection to his favorite band. When the lilting crescendo of Jimmy Page’s guitar filled the empty spaces in Baby, he couldn't help but smile, “Good choice…”

 

James gave him a soft smile and tilted his head a bit to listen to the music. When “Stairway to Heaven” started playing, James visibly tensed up next to him. He rubbed his hand against his chest before he dabbed his fingers at his eyes. James pulled them back in surprise and gave Dean a confused look, “Tears…”

 

Dean leaned over and popped open the glove compartment. There were some left over napkins stuffed in there, so he grabbed a couple and handed them to James. “Does it make you remember something?”

 

James just looked at the napkins as if he didn’t know why Dean had given them to him. He slowly shook his head, “Nothing solid, but I know that song. There is a connection… I feel a profound amount of loss and pain… and… love.” The last word had sounded unsure, like he wasn't sure he had described that correctly.

 

Dean took one of the napkins and made it a point to show James what it was for, leaning in close to dab away at the wetness on his cheeks. “Like this…” he murmured. When their eyes locked, Dean felt stuck, as though he were a moth getting lured to a flame. When the car behind them beeped its horn, Dean realized just how long they’d been staring. He gave James an awkward smile and returned his attention to the road. “Maybe it was a song between you and an ex…”

 

James furrowed his brow before he shook his head, “Maybe… but that’s a good sign, isn't it? This is the second time I feel an emotional connection instead of just knowing things as facts.”

 

“I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing it’s a good thing. And hey, it could be worse, you could have an emotional thing with Ladyheart and then we couldn’t be friends…” Dean chuckled.

 

James returned the smile, “I would like to be your friend.”

 

Dean ducked his head, keeping his eyes steadfast on the road in front of them. Maybe he’d been spending too much time alone, but James saying that made him realize just how lonely he had felt lately. The thought of this poor, cracked stranger wanting to be friends with him probably shouldn’t have made him feel so warm. As they hooked the turn into the hospital parking lot, Dean drove into the parking garage.

 

“Did I say something wrong?” James asked quietly.

 

He pulled them into an open stall and put Baby in park so he could turn to face James. “No, no, I was just uh… Well, your offer kind of made me realize how little human interaction I’ve had lately…”

 

James tilted his head, “Why is that?”

 

“Not sure, really. Been busy with work and sometimes it’s just easier to go home instead of going out.”

 

“What is your job?” James asked, playing with the sleeve on his borrowed shirt.

 

Dean grinned, “Mechanic.”

 

“Do you like your work?” James looked down at his hands.

 

Dean smiled at the guy, he reached out and clasped his shoulder in comfort, “There’s nothin’ to be worried about…”

 

James raised an eyebrow, “How do you know I’m worried?”

 

Dean laughed, “You’re fidgeting, and you keep asking me questions instead of moving to get out of the car. It’s not rocket science to see you’re nervous.”

 

“I don’t like hospitals…” James mumbled before he looked at Dean in surprise and repeated, “I don’t like hospitals!”

 

Dean wanted to feel excited for the guy, but this was probably the best bet they had in helping James with his memory issues. “Shit, I don’t know if it’d be worth it to take you to the free clinic first… They might still end up sending you here. Do you uh… wanna wait?” It was probably a bad idea, especially if the guy had any internal injuries, but if one of the first things he remembered was he hated hospitals, it seemed a little messed up to take him to one...

 

“It’s our best chance to find out what’s wrong with me,” James sighed deeply.

 

“Most likely,” Dean shrugged and shut off Baby’s engine before pocketing the keys. “You ready or do you need a few minutes?”

 

“What if they won’t let me go?” James asked tentatively.

 

“I’m pretty sure they can’t hold you unless you’re a danger to yourself or others. At least, that’s what it’s like on TV.”

 

James bit his lower lip before he looked up at Dean, “Will you stay with me?”

 

Dean grasped his forearm, “You got it.”

 

James inhaled deeply and nodded, “Okay, I’m ready.”

 

He followed Dean outside of the car and almost instantly walked right beside him, so close that their arms touched and their hands kept brushing while they were walking. Dean’s fingers twitched like he wanted to reach out for James’ hand. He clenched his fist a few times to try and quell that strange urge. They made their way to the emergency room and approached the registration desk.

 

The lady at the desk barely cast a glance upwards at them, “What’s your reason for comin’ in?”

 

Dean clapped a hand on James’ shoulder, “My friend here woke up with no memories.”

 

That caught her attention, she looked up and addressed James, “Any injuries, are you in any pain?”

 

James timidly shook his head, “No pain and no injuries that I’m aware of.”

 

“Okay,” She handed James a clipboard with a paper and pen attached, “Fill this out to the best of your ability and come back up to see me when you’re done.”

 

They moved to take a seat in the waiting room, Dean leaned over to look at the paperwork. “How the hell does she expect you to fill this out if you have no memories?”

 

James stared at the paper for a moment before he looked up, “Dean… I can’t answer any of these questions. I don’t even know my name.”

 

“Yeah, this is kind of stupid. Come on.”

 

Dean and James made their way back to desk, “He can’t fill this out, he doesn’t remember anything.”

 

She quirked her brow, “So, can you help him?”

 

“I don’t know him, I’m the one that found him.” Dean cringed internally at that phrasing. James wasn’t a lost pet.

 

She nodded and typed something into the computer, “What do you think your approximate age is?”

 

James gave Dean a questioning look, “How old do I look?”

 

Dean appraised him and shrugged, “My age? Thirty-seven?”

 

“Okay, I’ll go with that then.”

 

She nodded and typed a few more things into her keyboard and a white band printed out. After a deft and quick fold, she held the bracelet out. At James’ lack of movement she muttered, “Give me your wrist.” When James did as instructed, she fastened the band on his wrist, “Take a seat, they’ll call you back to triage soon.”

 

James looked at his wrist with a frown. He seemed tense again, almost skittish and like he was somewhere far away. When he looked up at Dean his eyes were full of sadness, “I liked the name you gave me better.”

 

Dean looked down at his bracelet. Just a bunch of numbers and letters strewn together. “Don’t worry, you can still go by James…”

 

James followed Dean back to the uncomfortable plastic chairs after a quick nod. He seemed quiet and thoughtful and Dean hated the sadness he could see in James’ eyes. Not for the first time, he wondered if it would be a good thing if James remembered who he was. He pointed at James’ wristband, “Does this remind you of anything?”

 

James shook his head, “Just a strange feeling… Dean… what if something bad happened to me? Something really bad… Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t remember.”

 

“I can't imagine such a severe loss of memory is connected to something good, but wouldn't you rather know than not?”

 

“I’m not sure… Isn’t there a saying… ignorance is bliss?” James asked, playing with the wristband.

 

“That’s true. Do you wanna leave? I think you should get yourself checked out just in case of any internal shit, but it’s your call, man. I won’t force you…” Dean offered, it wasn’t his or anyone else’s place to tell the poor guy what to do.

 

“It’s the right thing to do. I shouldn’t complain, after all I’m totally useless like this. And it would be nice to know my name,”James sighed deeply and leaned back against the chair.

 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, I can’t imagine, man. I’ve got a friend in the sheriff's department, I could call her later, see if there’s any missing persons reports.”

 

James nodded, “That’ll probably be helpful… Although, I have a strange feeling that no one is missing me.”

 

Dean wanted to defend him, but the truth was, he didn’t know the guy. He didn’t know what kind of shit he was up to prior to losing his memories. What Dean did know, in the short amount of time he knew James, was he seemed like a pretty nice guy. Dean offered a small smile, “I bet Bones is missing you right about now, and I would, too…”

 

James mirrored his smile and grabbed Dean’s hand to give it a quick, grateful squeeze before he let it go again. Dean didn’t have time to think about the gesture and how warm James’ hand had felt when a patient care technician approached them.

 

“Are one of you UNID-Apple?” The younger man asked, a soft smile on his face.

 

James looked at his wrist and tilted his head, “It’s what is written here as my name, but Dean calls me James.”

 

The guy nodded, “Sure, well they’re ready to check you out in triage, if you follow me,” he nodded before continuing, “Your friend can come, too.”

 

Dean gave James a reassuring smile and they were led into one of the four main doorways from the waiting room. Individual triage rooms, they were pretty nice. A nurse was already waiting for them when the tech closed the door.

 

“Have a seat here, we’re going to check your vitals, and draw some labs,” The older man pointed to a large, brown recliner looking type of seat.

 

Dean sat down on the plastic chair off to the side of the room and watched as James’ eyes widened at the different instruments the nurse was laying on the small table beside him. He could see the moment James was starting to have a panic attack, probably even before the nurse did.

 

Dean was at his side instantly, “James, look at me, it’s fine. Everything's fine.”

 

James’ eyes were still glued on the instruments on the table, his breathing was harsh and fast, on the verge of hyperventilating.

The nurse nodded at him, “Just take a few deep breaths, Sir. None of this will hurt… Well, the needle might a little, but we can wait ‘til you calm down to draw blood…” He held out a SAT monitor, “can you hold out your finger for me?”

 

Dean squeezed James’ shoulder, “It’s okay, that thing’s just gonna tell you how much oxygen you’re gettin’. It won’t hurt…”

 

James tentatively held out his finger, his other hand quickly grabbed Dean’s on his shoulder and held onto him. After a moment James looked up at Dean, his voice a bit breathy, but calmer now, “Is this okay?”

 

Dean tightened the grip on their hand-holding, “Totally fine, your grip is kind of weak so…” He grinned.

 

James squeezed a bit harder, “Better now?”

 

Dean chuckled, “Clearly I was mistaken…”

 

The nurse hummed thoughtfully at the monitor, “You’re a little tachypneic, probably from what looks like a panic attack. I’d like to put you on some oxygen. It’s just a nasal cannula, just enough to make breathing a little easier, is that okay?”

 

James gave Dean a questioning look, like he was asking him if it really was okay.

 

“It’s up to you, but it’ll probably be a good idea…”

 

James nodded slowly, but he leaned closer to Dean when the nurse approached him.

 

The guy, Dean caught his nametag, Terry, was pretty methodical, going slowly as he wrapped the tubing over James’ ears. He gave James a comforting smile, “Just breathe through your nose, the flow is low and just there to help you feel like you’re getting air, okay?”

 

James nodded, but he still looked very uncomfortable. He kept looking up at Dean as if he was trying to reassure himself that he was still there.

 

Dean smiled again and squeezed his hand, moving their joined hands to his knee, propped up on the large arm of the chair James was in.

 

Terry pulled on his stethoscope and held out a blood pressure cuff, “Are you okay with me checking your vitals?”

 

“Yes,” James’ voice sounded a lot steadier then, and Dean felt relieved by that. The guy seriously hadn’t been kidding when he said he didn’t like hospitals.

 

Terry hooked up the cuff and then proceeded to listen to James’ chest, gently asking him to breathe in and out. When the machine beeped, Terry looked at the monitor, his eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Huh…” He wrapped the stethoscope around his neck, “Your blood pressure and heart rate are perfect…” He offered a smile before he asked, “Would you be okay with me drawing labs? Your friend here can continue to hold your hand through it…”

 

“Okay…” James took in a deep breath before he intertwined his fingers with Dean’s.

 

Dean smiled, “I count to ten whenever I get poked…”

 

“Does that help?” James tried to smile at him, but his nervousness was obvious despite the fact he tried to downplay it.

 

“Couldn’t hurt,” Dean offered, pleasantly surprised that his trick seemed to be working. Terry was finishing getting the last tube of blood and James had apparently still not noticed.

 

Terry wiped the site and put a bandaid on it, all while James was staring at Dean. He tapped his elbow good naturedly, “We’re good, I’m going to get these tested and a doctor should be with you shortly. We’d usually have you go back to the waiting room, but since you’re on O2, you can stay here, okay?”

 

James looked confused, “You’re already done?”

 

Terry grinned, “Yeah, your friend seems to have experience with needle phobics…”

 

“Yeah, had to keep my baby brother distracted during all of his shots.” Dean smiled at James as he responded to the nurse’s comment.

 

James mirrored his smile, before he thanked the nurse as he was about to leave the room. When they were alone again he took in a deep breath, “Thank you for being with me, Dean. I'm not sure what happened before, but I know if you hadn’t been there…”

 

“Hey, don't even stress about it. We'll figure out what's going on and find out who you are, okay?” Dean was trying to not think about the fact they were still holding hands. He’d never been one for PDA, but this was a different situation. What weirded him out the most was how not weirded out he was by it. There was something about James, something genuine and nice, and he couldn’t help but feel drawn to the man.

 

A part of it was attraction, sure. The man was exceedingly handsome. The bluest freakin’ eyes Dean had ever seen, matched with ruggedly handsome features, a nice build. The guy had really nice lips, too. And when they curved up into a smile, it changed James’ face, taking his attractiveness to a whole new level. It wasn’t entirely appropriate for Dean to develop an attraction to a stranger he found in the woods, but the reality was, he was only human.

 

**….. :::: :::: ….**

 

After they ran a few more tests, took James for a head CT and a couple of x-rays, they were roomed in one of the ER pods while they waited for a physician to speak with them. During the head CT, a girl from registration came to try and get demographics on James, and all Dean could do was shrug helplessly. He gave them his personal information as an emergency contact, but without knowing anything else, there wasn’t much they could do.

 

They wouldn’t even let him use his own insurance to help with the coverage, because it was going to be one hell of a bill after all the tests and shit they did. The young girl smiled sweetly and handed him a brochure on how to apply for medicaid, and if James qualified, then they could retroactively cover the costs. His jaw dropped when they asked for five hundred dollars as a freakin’ down payment on the visit.

 

Dean only had a couple hundred bucks on him, but they accepted that thankfully. He just hoped they wouldn’t bring it up around James whenever they were discharged. When he came back to the room, white as a sheet after the CT, Dean was instantly at his side, “You okay? You look like you saw a ghost…”

 

“That was very unpleasant,” James stated. “And I feel a bit sick.”

 

The nurse who brought him back on the gurney smiled, “I’ll get you some Zofran.”

 

Dean nodded and thanked her as he helped James get situated on the bed. “I have mints, will that help?”

 

James gave him a soft smile, “I don’t know. You help... I mean the distraction…” He looked away, biting his lip with a shy expression on his face.

 

Dean couldn’t help but smile fondly, the guy was pretty damn cute. “Can I get that in writing? Show my brother I’m not always an obnoxious asshole?”

 

James looked seriously appalled, “How can anybody think that? You’re the nicest person….” He stopped suddenly and chuckled, “I wanted to say: that I’ve ever met, but coming from me, that’s probably a very bad compliment.”

 

Dean laughed, “Yeah, at this point Sammy would probably say I imprinted on you or some shit… But uh… thanks, James. For what it’s worth, I think you’re nice, too.”

 

James smiled and looked away again, before he cleared his throat and asked quietly, “Is Sam your brother?”

 

Dean nodded and moved to sit on the side of the bed, facing James, “Yeah, kid brother. Pain in my ass, but good stock, man. Smart, too. He’s some fancy lawyer, married, couple of rugrats and you met his fur child. I’m watching him while they’re on a vacation. If you think I’m a nice guy, you’d love him.” Dean smiled fondly, damn he missed his brother. As soon as he got a moment, he was going to give him a call, see how they were doing.

 

“Do you see each other often?” James asked, fiddling with the patch on the back of his hand.

 

“Not as often as I’d like. He’s a busy guy, doing the whole being a grownup thing. Not much time for a bachelor brother who lives in the middle of nowhere, you know?” Dean hadn’t meant to say so much, or to let his tone be as sad as it was.

 

Sometimes he felt like everyone else was kind of passing him by, and overall he was fine with that, but some days it was more depressing than not. Dean offered James a small smile, trying to deflect from his tone.

 

James still must have sensed how he felt, because he was taking his hand again and offered a comforting squeeze. He didn’t pull his hand away after, but kept holding it in a tight grip, looking like he was thinking about something complicated, “Do you… sometimes feel like you’re missing something in your life? Something you can’t put your finger on, but you just know… Like there’s a hole that should be filled, but it’s empty?”

 

Dean was half-tempted to ask if James could read minds, because he had literally just been thinking about that. Hell, he thought about it often. He was in his late thirties. The longest relationship he’d ever had was with a woman who had more demons than Hell, and even then, that relationship only lasted a year. The apple pie life had always kind of been out of reach for Dean Winchester and while he had come to accept that, there were days, moments, in which he still hoped for something more.

 

James looked at him expectantly, and Dean chuckled, “Pretty much all the damn time…”

 

Before James could respond, an older woman in a white lab coat and stethoscope around her neck stepped into the room. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a stylish bun, onyx eyes kind and curious. “Hello, I’m Dr. Patel. I’m here to discuss all of your results.” She reached her hand out to James.

 

James gave her hand a confused look, quickly glancing up to Dean with a silent question. He had to refrain from chuckling, poor guy forgot how handshakes worked again. He reached forward and shook her hand first, so James could see, “Hey, Doc. I’m Dean.”

 

James gave him a thankful look before he also shook the doctor’s hand. She hadn’t missed their silent communication and gave Dean an appreciative smile.

 

She pulled up a stool and sat in front of the portable computer and monitor, pulling up his medical records. Her eyebrows shot up, she appeared impressed. “Well, I can tell you, for a man your approximate age, you’re the pinnacle of health. Your labs, vitals, all of it…” Dr. Patel leaned closer to the monitor, “I’ve never seen such perfect results all across the board.” She smiled and turned to them, “Medically, you’re perfectly healthy. Your labs show perfect levels, no signs of narcotics in your system. And the results of your CT show no fractures, bleeds, or tumors. So, whatever has caused your memory loss does not appear to be related to any physical trauma or internal complications.”

 

James looked completely confused, “What does that mean? Why can’t I remember anything anymore?”

 

Dr. Patel shook her head slightly, “I’m honestly not sure. My guess is it’s something related to an emotional upset. I can’t say for sure, I’m not a psychiatrist…”

 

James looked disappointed, his voice sounded defeated, “So what should I do? Do you think I will remember at some point? That I just have to wait?”

 

She shook her head and pulled out a business card, writing something on the back of it, “This is the name of a psychiatrist who specializes in hypnotherapy and other methods used for patients with indeterminable memory loss. I can’t say for sure it will work, or if it does, that you’ll like what she helps you remember, but it could be worth a shot. And she works with self-pay patients, too.” Dr. Patel smiled and handed the card to James.

 

He took it with a frown, “I don’t know my name, or where I’m from, or if I even have a job to earn money.”

 

“If you’d like, we can get you in touch with a social worker, they may be able to help you sort that aspect out a little better?”

 

James looked up at Dean for guidance again.

 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, if you guys could, that would be great…”

 

Dr. Patel smiled, “Let me get your discharge paperwork and we’ll have a social worker come in…” She clapped a consoling hand on James’ shoulder, “I wish you luck.”

 

“Thank you,” James mumbled quietly.

 

Dr. Patel swept out of the room and Dean looked at James. This time he took James’ hand and held it, “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

 

“I’m starting to feel very bad about being an inconvenience to you,” James gave him a worried look, “How am I ever going to repay you for your kindness? I mean, you don’t even know me. What if I’m a bad person, what if I did something horrible?”

 

Dean squeezed his hand and smiled, “Hey, you need to stop worrying so much. The fact that you’re so worried shows me you _aren’t_ a bad person. And kindness is kindness for kindness’ sake, okay? I’m not doing it to be repaid, I’m doing it to help someone who’s down on his luck. And if push comes to shove, you can repay me by doing dishes. I _hate_ doing dishes…”

 

James gave him a bright smile, “Done.” He squeezed Dean’s hand, “I’m so very lucky that you found me.”

 

“Nah, if you were really lucky, you’d have been found by a princess…” Dean thought about it and amended, “Or a prince, whatever floats your boat, and whisked away. No one ever wants to get rescued by the mechanic in a fairy tale…” Dean teased.

 

James looked at him like he had only understood half of it before he smiled shyly, “Maybe I’m the exception.”

 

“Yeah, I’m a real knight in shining Chevy Impala.” Dean rolled his eyes.

 

James chuckled and Dean thought it was very nice to hear and see him feeling better. His blue eyes sparkled with an amused glint, “Well, you are for me. Does that make _me_ the princess?”

 

Dean chuckled, “Well, seeing as I found you in the woods, maybe that makes you Little Red Riding Hood…”

 

“I hope you’re not the big bad wolf in disguise, trying to eat me,” James grinned with a feigned frightened expression.

 

Dean quirked his brow, a little impressed that not only did he seem to get the reference, but he was pretty much flirting with him. Dean smirked, “No, Red. Can’t you tell? I’m clearly your grandmother…”

 

James started to laugh outright, before he clasped his hand over his mouth to stifle it. His voice was a bit breathy when he pulled his hand from his mouth and asked with the most innocent look, “But grandmother, why do you look like an attractive, young man?”

 

James suddenly blushed furiously and looked away, he probably hadn’t planned to say that out loud. Dean smirked, he felt better about his attraction considering it seemed to be reciprocated. “All the better to…” Dean laughed, “You know what? I got nothin’...”

 

James smiled before he slowly shook his head, “It’s strange that I know Red Riding Hood, but I can’t remember my own name. I keep thinking about it, but everything is… just gone.”

 

Dean smiled and covered their joined hands with his free hand, “Like I said, I’ll help you find your way to grandmother’s house, Red.”

 

It was almost uncomfortable the way James looked at him like he had invented the freaking universe. He smiled, “Thank you, Dean.”

 

The social worker knocked on the door, an older man with already greying hair and a nice, open smile, “Hello. I’m Luke Freeman. I’m the social worker.”

 

He went straight up to James and held out his hand, “I’ve heard you go by the name James?”

 

James shook the man’s hand, now without hesitation before he nodded, “Yes, I can’t remember my real name… or anything at all about my life.”

 

The social worker nodded in sympathy before he turned towards Dean and offered his hand, “And you must be Mr. Winchester?”

 

Dean nodded. “Dean,” he corrected as he shook the man’s hand.

 

Luke took a seat in front of James’s bed and sighed deeply, “Well, first of all, this is a very complicated situation. One that doesn’t happen very often. The first thing you should do is go to the police to see if you’re a missing person. If that is the case, you’ll get your identity back and you could work out a plan with a psychiatrist to regain your memories. But in the meantime, while you’re waiting for the police to find out who you are, you’re outside of the system, which makes things complicated. You can stay in one of our homeless shelters for the time being, since you won’t be allowed to work–”

 

“No. That won't be necessary, he's got a place to stay,” Dean interrupted.

 

The social worker gave Dean an odd look, “You’re the one who found him?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah…” he responded, tone slightly wary.

 

“I think it’s very kind of you to offer, but we have people trained for situations like this. This won’t be an easy undertaking. We still don’t know what caused the memory loss and how long it will take for him to get it back. This is a lot of responsibility, are you sure you want to do this?”

 

Dean scoffed at the man. He understood where the guy was coming from, but he was making James sound like a stray dog. “He’s not a pet, he’s a human being. And since he is, why don’t we ask him?” Dean turned to look at James, “It’s your choice, man. If you want, you can crash at my place until you get your memories back, or you can go to a homeless shelter. I know it’s probably weird cuz you don’t know me, but this is your choice, your decision.”

 

“Before you answer him, James,” Luke leaned forward, his voice turning softer, “It’s normal that you would feel safer with Dean. You lost everything and he’s the first person you’ve met after whatever happened to you. But I want you to consider that, even though it’s a very nice and generous offer, he also has a life and a job, and probably can’t give you the help you may need in a situation like this. This is, in no way, meant as a critique of you, Dean,” Luke said as he turned around to face Dean, “I wish there were more people out there like you, but we have to consider what is best for James. And I’m not sure how well you are prepared for situations like panic attacks, night terrors, confusion or mood swings, all of which are quite common in cases like this.”

 

Dean clenched his fists. How dare this guy make any kind of assumptions about what he could and could not handle. About his own experiences. Dean sighed, “Look, no disrespect, but I assure you, I can handle whatever gets thrown my way. Good, bad, ugly, whatever. And if James wants to stay with me, he can. I’ll do what I can to help and, when he wants to leave, that can be his decision, too.”

 

James cleared his throat, “I want to stay with Dean. I understand what you’re saying, Mr. Freeman, but I would feel better if could stay with him. I already experienced a panic attack and Dean helped me through it. I trust him.”

 

The social worker sighed and pulled out a business card, “Okay, it’s your choice. But if it doesn’t work out, I’ll give you my card and you can call at anytime. When you get released from the hospital, you should go to the police station immediately. The sooner you get that done, the sooner they might find out who you are. I also strongly advise you get help from a psychiatrist.”

 

James nodded and took the card from him, “Do you know how long it usually takes for someone to regain his memory?”

 

“That depends on the individual and the reason for the memory loss. There’s no way to tell. What you can do is try to trigger memories, with music or maybe movies. Some people say that painting, or other artistic outlets, can help. Sometimes doing regular, everyday things like shopping or cooking can help. All of these things can be a trigger. But on the other end of the spectrum, they could also possibly trigger an anxiety attack, so you shouldn’t be left alone.” He looked at Dean with his last words.

 

Dean squeezed James’ hand as he addressed Luke, “Bring it.”

 

Luke stood up and shook James’ hand, “I wish you the best of luck. Call me if you need help.”

 

When he faced Dean he sighed deeply, “The same goes for you. If this gets to be too much, please call. We just want to help.”

 

Dean shook Luke’s hand again, “Thanks for your help.”

 

“Of course,” Luke nodded at them as a goodbye before he left the room.

 

James looked up at Dean, his eyes spoke of how tired the man probably felt, “Can we go now?”

 

Dean nodded his head and held out his hand to help James up, “Yeah. Are you up for the police station now or would you rather grab some food, maybe head back and rest?”

 

James exhaled slowly and looked down at the floor, “I feel drained for some reason, but on the other hand, I want to get it over with. What about you? Are you hungry?”

 

Dean patted his stomach, “I’m always hungry, but we have food at home, I could cook us up something if you want to get back. The police station will still be there tomorrow if you wanted to wait it out…” He wanted to make sure that James knew all of the options were available and it was his decision. Dean wasn’t sure why that was so important to him, maybe he was just trying to make up for past mistakes.

 

James shook his head, “No, I want to deal with this now rather than later. But I still need a break, I think. Could we go after eating something?”

 

The thought of James wanting to find out who he was so soon, ultimately leaving Dean in the wind, left a bitter taste in his mouth. For some reason, he wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to the stranger he’d invited into his home, his life. Dean offered an encouraging smile, “There’s a diner a few blocks from here. Best pie in the whole state. Sound good?”

 

James nodded slowly, “Or we could go home... To your home?” His voice sounded insecure and quiet.

 

“James, what would _you_ like to do?”

 

“I want to go back. Bones is surely missing you,” James tried carefully, “Are you okay? You seem… sad?”

 

“Nah, I’m fine. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Alright, home it is.” Dean smiled and proffered his elbow for James to take, “Come on, Red. These woods can be dangerous…”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The drive back to his house had been relatively quiet. The music of Zeppelin being their company. What was weird, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. No, it was more like the companionable silence that can be shared between two people who had known each other for a very long time. Dean kept casting surreptitious glances in James’ direction, only to find the man staring out of the window, occasionally tapping his fingers against the glass.

 

When they finally got back, he opened the door and was bombarded by the hyperactive ball of fur his brother had the audacity to call a dog. Dean bent down and started pushing Bones around playfully. He barked and darted off, probably to find one of his toys. Dean removed his jacket and hung it over the back of one of the chairs in his living room.

 

James seemed pretty contemplative and a little sad. Dean smiled at him, “You know, when I was feeling sad as a kid, my mom would make grilled cheese and tomato soup. Would you like that you think?”

 

James gave him a sad smile, “It’s worth a try.” Bones took that moment to run back into the room with a ball in his mouth, jumping up and down at James. He looked down with a head tilt and took the ball from him. Bones barked at him and sat before him, tail wagging expectantly for James to throw it.

 

Dean chuckled, “He wants you to throw the ball.”

 

“Where?” James asked with a puzzled expression.

 

“Living room is fine, unless you want some air, then you can take him outside. I’ll just go start lunch, okay?”

 

James nodded and went to the patio door. When he opened it, Bones ran past him like a lightning ball of fur, startling James, “He won’t run away?”

 

Dean smiled, “Nah, he knows where his food comes from. Go enjoy the view for a bit, I’ll come get you when lunch is ready…”

 

“Okay,” James gave him a soft smile before he went outside. Dean could hear him calling Bones.

 

Dean made his way to the kitchen and started getting everything ready for one of his favorite go-to comfort meals. It was weird. He’d only ever made it for Sammy and his ex. This wasn’t something he made for just anybody, and again the weird wave of familiarity washed over him. As though he had known James for years, which was so weird, considering they’d only just met a few hours prior.

 

He was trying to not think about the significance of that, but the quiet of his kitchen made sure it was all he was thinking about. Dean felt a connection to James for some reason. Something more than a simple act of kindness should convey. The last time he’d felt such a connection had been with Lisa. It wasn’t so much love at first sight, as it was trust. And trust to Dean was far more valuable than love.

 

As memories flooded his mind, he became overwhelmed with sadness. It had been years since he’d last thought of everything that happened. Everything they had been through. Dean shook his head, trying to dislodge the memories and focus on the task at hand. Making grilled cheese and tomato soup. Nothing fancy, just a can of campbell’s, white bread, and american cheese.

 

As he finished flipping over the last sandwich, he plated them and poured the soup into a couple of bowls. Dean wiped his hands on his jeans and went outside to grab James and Bones.

 

He couldn’t see them at first, feeling a little uneasy, until he noticed Bones sitting down, chest heaving and tongue dangling from his mouth as he panted happily. That was when Dean noticed what Bones was sitting on. James was lying on the ground, staring up at something, and the dumb dog took that as his cue to sit on the poor guy’s legs.

 

Dean let out a whistle as he approached, causing Bones to come charging at him. Dean pet the fluffball’s head and made his way to James. He hunched down, “What are you doing?”

 

“Watching the bees,” James grinned up at him looking happy and thoroughly exhausted, “I also don’t think I can ever stand up again.”

 

Dean laughed and held his hand out, “I bet you can…”

 

James tried to lift his arm, but it fell down and he chuckled, “I’m dead.”

 

“Last time I checked, dead guys don’t talk…” Dean challenged.

 

When James lifted his hand again and grabbed Dean’s, he didn’t expect for James to pull him down on the grass with him.

 

They shared a laugh and Dean repositioned himself over James, arms outstretched on either side of the man’s face, legs straddling his hips. He shook his head in amusement, “So, your answer to not being able to get up, was to pull me down with you instead?”

 

James nibbled at his lower lip, smiling up at Dean, “I think that is the perfect solution.”

 

Dean stifled the small gasp that was threatening to escape. Such a minute, infinitesimal action, yet it was so damn sexy. He chastised himself for his inappropriate thoughts and tried to focus on–hell, anything else. “Won’t be able to eat if we’re stuck here on the ground. And it’ll eventually get cold…”

 

“You have a valid point… on the other hand, this is very… very comfortable.” James touched Dean’s arm, just a playful pull at his shirt.

 

The movement sent a shiver down his spine. The affection was intimate and strangely familiar. Dean smiled, trying to not get lost in the neverending sky reflected in James’ eyes. It was kind of difficult. Dean tucked a stray hair behind James’ ear, “Come on, I promise the soup will be worth it…”

 

James pushed himself up, their faces coming dangerously close before he rolled Dean over and grinned down at him. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him up with him as he stood up, losing his balance for a moment. Dean pulled him closer at his elbow to stabilize him. “Thank you,” James breathed out.

 

Dean felt a strange combination of lost and found in that moment. He gave James a smile before muttering, “Any time, Jimmy…” Dean took a step back, it felt weirdly right, yet totally wrong calling him that nickname.

 

James tilted his head before he slowly repeated the name, “Jimmy…”

 

“Uh, sorry, I tend to nickname people… I can keep calling you James if that’s too weird or confusing for you…”

 

James slowly shook his head, “It sounds… it’s weird, but it somehow sounds right. More than James. But still...”

 

Dean shrugged, “So, would you prefer I call you Jimmy?”

 

“Jimmy. Yes, let’s go with that. I should listen to that instinct. Maybe it’ll trigger something if you keep calling me Jimmy.”

 

“Okay, then. Jimmy it is.” Dean smiled and nodded at Jimmy to follow him back inside. They walked in companionable silence as they made their way up the steps and back inside the house. Dean moved to pull the chair out for the guy, before taking his seat across from him. He was rewarded with a cute blush and a quiet thank you from Jimmy.

 

When Jimmy tried the tomato soup, he made one of his sex noises again before his eyes went wide and he shyly glanced down at the table, “Sorry, um… the soup is really good.”

 

Dean smiled, “Know what's even better? Dunk your sandwich in it…” He made it a point to show Jimmy as he grabbed a half of his, dunked the corner in the soup, and took a bite. _Damn._ It'd been too long since he'd had this.

 

Jimmy carefully dipped his sandwich in the soup and took a bite, his eyes widened when he chewed. He licked his lips and nodded, “I already feel better. You’re right, eating this food seems to work.”

 

Dean smiled, “I'm glad.” He wanted to say more, but he was already crossing intimacy lines with this complete stranger. Dean turned his attention back to his soup.

 

Bones was sniffing at Jimmy’s leg, nudging him with his nose and wagging his tail, the ball in his mouth. Jimmy looked down at the dog and smiled, “You made me feel better, too.”

 

Bones barked at him before darting off again. Dean felt contentment in that moment, grateful he was able to help this man who had had his world upended, find solace in the simplicity of things. “He likes you.”

 

Jimmy looked up at him with a soft smile, “I like him, too.” It sounded like he meant much more than just the dog.

 

Dean felt the heat in his cheeks burn, and ducked his head, “So, uh… Has anything else triggered you at all?”

 

Jimmy looked thoughtful for a moment before he nodded, “Being in the garden, watching the bees… somehow echoes something deep inside of me. But food strangely does nothing.”

 

Dean nodded, “I have a friend who keeps bees, if you'd like we could uh… Go check ‘em out…” he offered as though there was a possibility that they'd spend more time together after they found out who he was. A damnable feeling of hope.

 

Jimmy smiled brightly at him, it was almost infectious, “I would like that very much.”

 

“Cool, I'll uh… I'll give him a call after we go to the police station?” It wasn't so much a question as it was a reminder of the situation they were in.

 

Jimmy bit his lower lip and nodded, “Okay… I have to confess I’m very nervous about going to the police.”

 

“Well, unless you're wanted for something, you shouldn't have anything to be worried about…”

 

Jimmy hid his face behind his hands, his voice sounded muffled, ”I hope I'm not a criminal.”

 

Dean chuckled, “I don’t know, you don’t even seem like you could hurt a fly… or a bee.”

 

Jimmy glanced at him through his fingers before he slowly dragged his hands down over his face, “That’s nice of you to say but…” He looked down and suddenly was completely silent and still.

 

Dean got up and approached him, hunching down beside Jimmy before grasping one of his hands, “Hey, come on. I know you don’t remember anything, but you know the difference between right and wrong, right? That sort of inherent, jiminy cricket guiding you? I mean, if I handed you a knife, what would you do with it? Would you stab me, or Bones?” He wasn’t sure why he had such unwavering faith in Jimmy.

 

“Of course not,” Jimmy shook his head slowly before his gaze fell on the silver knife Dean had used to cut the sandwich earlier. He stretched his hand out and grabbed it, weighing it in his hand before he followed the reflection of sunlight dancing over his body with his eyes. It seemed like Jimmy was miles away with his thoughts.

 

After a moment, he blinked, appearing confused before he put the knife back on the table. He gave Dean a serious look, his voice sounded deeper than usual, “I think… I don't want to go to the police.”

 

Dean nodded, “If you’re sure? I can still talk to my sheriff friend and see if she can do a check on the sly, so you don’t have to go in…”

 

“Would your friend report me if she finds out that I'm a criminal?”

 

“Well, barring you being a serial killer, she’d probably let shit slide…” Dean took a deep breath, “I can’t imagine what’s happening to you, but good or bad, wouldn’t you rather know?”

 

Jimmy bit his lower lip hard, “Dean… holding the knife triggered something in me… I'm not sure anymore if I really want to know…”

 

Dean drew back a little, it was instinctive, but he caught the slight wince it caused in Jimmy. What the hell was he doing? For all they knew, he could be some psychopath serial killer and here Dean was, inviting him, without question, to stay with him. When his eyes got locked by shimmering blue, he felt something. Not anything that could easily be described, but all of the familiarity that had built up to this moment.

 

For whatever reason the knife triggered a reaction in Jimmy, Dean somehow _knew_ that it wasn’t nefarious, evil, or malignant. Dean placed his hand on Jimmy’s knee. “Maybe you were a chef?” he offered.

 

He didn’t expect Jimmy to laugh at that before he slowly shook his head, “I think food would trigger something if that were the case, and I feel emotionally detached from it… But I shouldn't… It's not fair of me to expect you to trust me when I don’t even know myself. I don't want you to get in any trouble. I will go to the police.”

 

Dean smiled, “If you’re sure. Do you wanna go now or…”

 

He nodded, determination hardened his features, “I'm still afraid, but I want to do this because I owe you the truth. I don't want you to be unsure about me.”

 

“Being unsure is part of life anyway. Even if you aren’t a serial killer, doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t actually the wolf in this scenario. Life’s about taking chances, right?” Dean smirked, slightly teasing yet meaning his words entirely.

 

Jimmy grinned back him, “We already established that you’re the wolf with very bad disguising abilities.”

 

Dean leaned back and extended his arms, “Hey, I thought you said this disguise was attractive?”

 

“Oh, yes, but it doesn't look at all like an innocent grandmother.”

 

Dean feigned a gasp, “Damn, I really thought I had the innocent granny look down…”

 

Jimmy shook his head, “You look more like a wolf. I bet you even bite.”

 

“Only if you ask nicely…” Dean teased, trying to not get totally sidetracked by their flirting, but failing miserably.

 

Jimmy glanced away shyly, “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

 

Dean chuckled, “Come on, let’s go find out if you’re related to Charles Manson…” He tapped Jimmy’s knee and stood up.

 

Jimmy rolled his eyes, “Very funny, Dean.” He stood up, his eyes wandering to the knife again before he slowly shook his head. “Do you know how long it will take before they’ll find me?”

 

Dean shrugged, “No idea. I’m not sure how long something like this takes…”

 

“And this is based on the theory that someone filed me as missing.”

 

Dean smirked, “Those baby blues? I’m sure someone is missing you…” He wasn’t sure why that made him feel a little sad.

 

Seeing Jimmy’s reaction to it though, the blush and the shy smile, almost made it better again.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

“So, I’ve got good news and bad news,” Jody commented as she plopped herself down on the chair at her desk. “Good news is your friend here isn’t secretly Jeffrey Dahmer…”

 

Dean nodded, “And the bad news?”

 

She sighed, “He doesn’t have any kind of record, so no fingerprints in the database match. And my boys are going through the database right now to see if any missing persons reports match your description. That could take a few days, especially if you only recently went missing and it was reported…” Jody shrugged her shoulders, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything better than that for you now…”

 

“No, you’ve been awesome, Jody. Thank you.” Dean offered Jimmy a small smile. At least his fears about being a killer were hopefully squashed.

 

“Thank you, Sheriff Mills,” Jimmy stated, his voice sounded weirdly detached.

 

Jody nodded to him, then turned her attention to Dean, “How are you doing, kid?”

 

He knew what she was asking and had to brush it off, “I’m fine, I promise.”

 

Jody moved to stand, in which Dean followed, before she drew him into a hug, “Don’t leave it so long next time. Call me sometime, we’ll grab a beer.”

 

Dean nodded against her shoulder, “I will.”

 

She playfully punched his arm, “You better.” Jody turned to face Jimmy, “Good luck, James. Dean here will take good care of you, okay?”

 

Jimmy smiled at that, “He already is. I'm very lucky.”

 

Jody quirked a brow at Dean, a tiny smirk curving her lips upward. Dean rolled his eyes and moved to leave, “Call me if you find anything, okay?”

 

She chuckled, “You know I will…”

 

As they exited the police station, Dean took note of the sort of stiff way Jimmy was moving. He gently clasped his shoulder, “You okay?”

 

Jimmy froze and gave Dean a wide eyed look, before he suddenly pulled him forward in a hug, pressing his face against Dean’s shoulder. His voice was quiet and low, “No.”

 

Dean rubbed his back soothingly, “Hey, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

 

Jimmy pulled away, rubbing his hand over his face in frustration, “I apologize. I know, no chick-flick moments.”

 

Dean froze, shaking his head a little in confusion. He’d never said that to Jimmy. Hell, most of the time he only said that to Sammy, “Why did you say that?”

 

Jimmy appeared confused, “I don't know. I was so sure you were about to say that to me.”

 

That was weird. Dean was not much of a believer. An agnostic most of his life, he believed in the possibility of a higher power, but no firm adamant belief. So, he was open to the possibility of the weird and the supernatural, but to have encountered it, to see something that was a little difficult to explain. Dean chuckled nervously, “That’s really weird. Do you uh… Did you see or feel anything else?”

 

Jimmy looked away, “It will sound strange… and it doesn't make any sense…”

 

“Just tell me…” he prompted, tone light and soft.

 

Jimmy sighed deeply, “Do you know what déjà vu is?”

 

Dean laughed, “I’m not the one with memory problems…”

 

Jimmy smiled, “Sorry, of course,” he shook his head and looked up at Dean, “I don’t want to freak you out, it’s just… when I look at you… I’m overwhelmed with emotions that don’t make any sense. There is such a strong feeling of familiarity, loss, sadness, but also contradicting emotions like a profound happiness. I feel constantly triggered in a way when I look at you. Are you sure we don’t know each other?”

 

Dean was a little taken aback by that. “I'm pretty sure I would remember having met you before.” His confession was quiet.

 

Jimmy nodded slowly before he shrugged, “Well, maybe… you just remind me of someone. Either way I think I made the right decision by staying with you. If someone can help me get my memory back, it’s probably you.”

 

Dean smiled, feeling a strange sense of relief and pride. He wanted to be that kind of security for this man and he had no idea why. “I'll definitely do my best.”

 

Jimmy returned the smile, soft and warm, “Thank you… So, what are we going to do now?”

 

As Dean unlocked Baby he shrugged, “What would you like to do?”

 

“Can we visit your friend with the bees?” Jimmy sounded like an excited child. He even wriggled on the passenger seat, unable to hide his glee.

 

Dean couldn't help the grin of amusement, it was pretty damn endearing. He nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Dialing the familiar number, he held the phone to his ear, never breaking eye contact with Jimmy, “Benny? I'm heading over, got a friend who wants to see your bees…”

 

After he hung up he smiled at Jimmy, “Ready?”

 

Jimmy nodded, his smile was brighter than sunlight in summer.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Benny swung his door open, he was met with a huge smile and being yanked forward into a bone crunching hug. “It's been too long, brother.”

 

Dean clung to the larger man for a moment before drawing back, “I know.” Arm still wrapped behind Benny’s back he pointed to Jimmy, “Benny, this is Jimmy. Jimmy, this Neanderthal is Benny.”

 

Benny rolled his eyes, “Don't press me, Winchester.” He extended his hand out to Jimmy, “Nice to meet ya’.”

 

For a moment Dean thought Jimmy had forgotten about the handshake again, because it took him an awkwardly long moment before he finally shook Benny’s hand, “Likewise.” Dean frowned when he heard the insecurity and sadness in Jimmy’s voice.

 

Benny didn't seem to notice it, big grin still planted on his face, “Come on in. I'll grab us a couple cold ones before we suit up…”

 

“Suit up?” Jimmy asked curiously.

 

“Don't wanna play with my girls without being in protective gear.” He winked and opened the door for them.

 

Jimmy titled his head, “They attack you?”

 

“If a giant came into your home and started messing with your stuff, you’d be pretty pissed too…” Benny chuckled.

 

Jimmy seemed to defrost with that comment. He chuckled and his eyes had an amused glee when he looked at Dean. “I would do the same.”

 

Dean didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the way Jimmy’s eyes shone when he smiled. It was almost otherworldly.

 

“Did you know that humans started to collect honey over eight thousand years ago?” Jimmy asked Dean, before his eyes went wide. It looked like he had surprised himself with that information.

 

Benny grinned as he grabbed a few beers from his fridge, “You know your stuff, Jim.”

 

Dean quirked his brow, “Yeah, he does…” His tone was slightly confused.

 

Jimmy leaned over to Dean, whispering in a low voice, “Maybe I had bees, too?”

 

Dean shrugged, “Maybe…”

 

Benny handed them a beer, then gave them a questioning look, “So, how do you two know each other?”

 

Dean chuckled, “Would you believe me if I said we met on The Dating Game?”

 

Benny rolled his eyes, “Like you’d ever be caught dead on a reality show. Now if you told me you picked him up at the bar you tried to put the moves on me…”

 

Jimmy looked confused, “Are you… a couple?”

 

Dean choked on his beer and Benny laughed outright before clapping him on the back, “He wishes…”

 

“Dude! We hooked up _one_ time. That was enough…” Dean turned to face Jimmy, “No, we aren’t.” He almost had to wonder if his behavior with Benny was obvious or something, considering even a guy with a broken noggin could sense their history.

 

Jimmy smiled shyly at him and quickly looked away, taking a sip of his beer.

 

When Jimmy wasn’t looking, Benny smirked at Dean with a quirked brow. He had to refrain from punching the guy in the face. “Uh, anyway, we uh… we met while I was walking Bones.” Dean wasn’t sure how comfortable Jimmy was with divulging all of the details of his situation and Benny wasn’t one to ask too many questions. It was one of the many reasons he liked the guy.

 

Benny nodded, “Well, in my opinion, Jim. You could do better.”

 

Dean flipped him off, smile still on his face though.

 

Jimmy grinned, “I’m not sure I could.”

 

Benny smacked Dean’s cheek condescendingly, “Keep this one, Dean. He hasn’t seen through your bullshit.”

 

Ducking his head, he rolled his eyes again before shoving the larger man off, “Come on, man. You’re gonna make him uncomfortable…”

 

Jimmy pursed his lips, giving Dean a flirty smile, “I’m good.”

 

Benny let out a bark of laughter at the dumbfounded expression on Dean’s face. He approached Jimmy and clapped his hand on his shoulder, “Come on, pretty boy. Wanna go see the room with all my tools and equipment?”

 

Jimmy nodded enthusiastically and Dean couldn’t help but feel a little bit left out when he saw how eagerly Jimmy looked at Benny. The way his eyes lit up, left a bitter taste in his mouth, he couldn’t quite place it. Dean drained his beer and followed the two of them into the creepy bee room.

 

Benny was explaining different things to Jimmy, he was only half paying attention, kind of preoccupied with the excitement on the man’s features. When Benny pulled out the beekeeping suits that looked like something straight out of Outbreak, Jimmy’s eyes crinkled in a really cute way from the stretch of his smile.

 

Benny held his hand out to Dean, offering him one of the suits. Dean stepped back, waving his hand, “Oh, no. I’m not interested in dressing up like an ET reject, thanks…”

 

Worried blue eyes met his, “You’re not coming with me?”

 

The imploring and damn adorable expression on the man’s face was not fair. It gave his brother’s puppy looks a run for their money. Dean sighed and before he could answer, Benny interjected,

 

“Dean’s scared of bees…” He chuckled.

 

Jimmy grabbed Dean’s hand and squeezed it, “You don’t have to be. I promise you.”

 

Dean’s breath hitched a little, he nodded slightly, “Uh, alright…”

 

Benny tilted his head at him, “Really? I couldn’t even get you to do this when I offered to bl–”

 

Dean slugged his friend in his arm, “Shut the fuck up.”

 

He retreated, arms raised in surrender, but a huge smile on his face, “I got it, tough guy.”

 

Thankfully Jimmy seemed oblivious to their little exchange. His full concentration was on the suit that he carefully pulled over his clothes. When he was finished he turned to Dean, “Do you need help?”

 

Dean absolutely did not need help pulling on a pair of coveralls, but apparently his brain and tongue weren’t on the same page, “If you don’t mind?”

 

It earned him a smile that was totally worth it. Jimmy stood close when he helped Dean with the sleeves, his fingers brushing over Dean’s wrist and palm, when he fiddled with the fabric of his shirt under the overall. For the first time Dean registered that the other man smelled really nice, a mixture of summerrain, pie, and how the air feels right before a thunderstorm.

 

When Jimmy closed the zipper in front of him, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin of Dean’s throat, he could see that Jimmy tensed up with a confused look on his face. He blinked and stared at his own fingers for a moment before he shook his head slightly.

 

“Jimmy?” Dean was unable to mask his concern.

 

Jimmy responded with a quick yet confused smile, “That was weird, like before when I hugged you. I just thought this... helping you with your clothes, it’s usually the other way around…”

 

“That I help you with your clothes?”

 

Jimmy frowned deeply, “Yes… That doesn’t make any sense...”

 

Benny chuckled, “That's for sure, his forte is usually taking clothes _off…”_

 

Dean turned to glare at Benny, who blew him a kiss. In that moment he was a little sad Jimmy wasn't a killer, he'd sic him on his supposed friend.

 

Now Jimmy looked uncomfortable, it was strange how he was sometimes flirty and then fell back into being shy. He wished he could read the guy better, the maelstrom of emotions was making him a little dizzy.

 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

 

Jimmy answered with a reassuring nod, that wasn’t very convincing before he turned around and fetched a hat with a veil that he gave to Dean. When he helped Dean drape the veil around his face, Benny chuckled, “Here comes the blushing bride.”

 

“Dude, I swear to God…” Despite his annoyance, he was grateful for the veil thing, because it probably did hide the slight blush he was sure was burning his cheeks an embarrassing red.

 

At least Benny’s comment made Jimmy smile again; he didn’t like seeing him sad. Jimmy quickly covered his own head with one of the hats and gave Dean a thumbs up and a silly smile before he took Dean’s hand in his, “Are you ready?”

 

He purposely ignored whatever snarky look Benny was giving them and nodded, “As I’ll ever be…”

 

They followed Benny into the garden, which was full of wild flowers and smelled like pine cones and sweet honey. The beehives stood at the edge of the forest and Dean could already make out a few bees buzzing around his face.

 

Jimmy squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile as if he had known that he was already tensing up with the insects around him. He pulled him to a few wildflowers and stretched out his hand, “Look, Dean.”

 

And then something really weird happened. Jimmy opened his palm and one of the bees buzzing around them landed on it. He carefully pulled his hand closer, “Do you see the yellow pollen in it’s hair?”

 

Dean nodded kind of dumbly, Benny was watching Jimmy in fascination.

 

“Some of them collect pollen, some water, and some nectar of flowers. Everyone has a specific work assigned to them and they all fulfill their duty for their queen,” Jimmy didn’t seem to be aware that is was kind of strange that the bee was sitting calmly on his palm to get inspected. He also didn’t seemed to be fazed when two other bees landed on his open palm. “See this one has a pollen ball attached to its leg. It doesn’t fall off because it’s sticky. They don’t just make honey, they also help pollinate the flowers.”

 

Benny chuckled softly and whispered to Dean, “Your boy is some kind of bee whisperer…”

 

Two more bees landed on Jimmy’s palm and he chuckled, “That tickles even through the glove.”

 

Dean shook his head in amazement. Jimmy really was something else. He leaned in to whisper back to Benny, “He is…”

 

Jimmy approached the aviary and carefully opened the lid to peer inside.

 

Well out of earshot, Benny nudged him with his elbow, “He’s cute.”

 

Dean scoffed, “Did you just say ‘cute’?”

 

“Shut up, dick. I’m just sayin’, he seems like a nice guy.”

 

“It’s not like that,” Dean sighed.

 

Benny shrugged, “Whatever it seems like, it’s kind of nice to see you smile. I haven’t seen you smile at another person like that since–”

 

“Benny…” Dean warned. This was not the place, nor the time. Not that any place or time were good to bring her up.

 

“I’m just sayin’ that–”

 

“Seriously, I don’t want to talk about that.”

 

Benny sighed and turned to face him fully, a gloved hand on his shoulder, “I just don’t wanna see you pass up something that could be good for you.”

 

Dean shook his head, “It’s not like that, now will you please drop it?”

 

His friend acquiesced with a surrendering gesture and silent nod. Dean approached Jimmy, looking into the aviary and when he saw just how many damn bees there were, he stepped back again, “Fuck that.”

 

Jimmy looked back at him with a worried expression, “Are you okay?”

 

“No,” He breathed out and started to retreat further back. Very few things freaked him out, but for some reason, he hated bugs.

 

Jimmy approached him slowly and took his hand, “It’s okay. Just take a deep breath. Nothing will happen to you, I promise.”

 

Dean chuckled nervously, “That’s easy for you to say, bees seem to like you…”

 

Jimmy smiled, “I like them, too. They aren’t judgemental, even if you’re afraid or you don’t like them, they won’t attack you unless you’re a threat. Bees die when they sting. They don’t sacrifice their lives when you’re just looking at them work. Do you want to see the honeycomb?”

 

He honestly couldn’t give a flying fuck about anything to do with bees, but Jimmy’s enthusiasm was kind of contagious. Dean smiled, “Sure.”

 

Jimmy didn’t let go of his hand when he slowly pulled him towards the aviary again. “Wait here for a moment,” Jimmy told him thoughtfully before he let go of him and opened one of the boxes. A moment later, a fuck load of bees flew out of the box and in the direction of the forest. Jimmy turned around and waved at Dean, “You can see it better now.”

 

Benny walked up next to Jimmy, his eyes as wide as saucers, “How the hell did you do that?”

 

Jimmy tilted his head, “What do you mean? I didn't do anything.”

 

“You’re telling me that it's just a coincidence that they all left the hive in that moment? They never do that, they wouldn’t leave it unprotected.”

 

Jimmy frowned, “It's not unprotected. We’re still here.”

 

Benny gaped at him, “But they don't know that.”

 

“Maybe they know more than you give them credit for,” Jimmy supplied as an explanation.

 

Benny quickly faced Dean with a helpless shrug, “This shouldn't be possible but fuck… if you need a job…”

 

Jimmy looked down at the grass, “I'm not allowed to work at the moment.”

 

“Why not? Are you on disability or…” Benny looked him over, as if he were appraising Jimmy, trying to figure what was physically wrong with him that he couldn’t work.

 

“No, I don’t know who I am and I don’t have any identification,” Jimmy stated quietly before he looked back at the aviary.

 

“That all?” Benny laughed, “Look, Jim. I could use the help, and I’ll gladly pay you under the table.”

 

Jimmy gave Dean a questioning look, “Isn’t that illegal? I don’t want Dean to get into trouble because of me, although I wish I had a way to earn some money.”

 

Dean grasped his shoulder, “If you wanna do it, you can. It’s only illegal for Benny to pay you under the table, not for you to take the money.”

 

“And I sure as shit don’t give a damn about that…” Benny added.

 

For a moment Jimmy just stared at them with a disbelieving expression on his face, before his face radiated happiness with a bright, wide smile, “In that case, yes. I would love that.”

 

“Great, can you come back on Monday?”

 

Jimmy chuckled suddenly, “I don’t even know what day today is.”

 

“It’s Thursday.” Dean really shouldn’t find something so endearing, but the more time he spent around the mysterious man, the more intrigued he became.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Jimmy hadn’t shut up about the damn bees the entire drive back to his house. Dean didn’t have the heart to tell him he was only understanding about every other word out of the guy’s mouth. Besides, the animation and light in his eyes was worth every confusing moment.

 

After they had gotten back inside, let Bones out and fed him, Dean collapsed against the couch. It had been one hell of a day and he was a little exhausted. When Bones nuzzled against his leg, Dean pet him with a fond chuckle. The damn mutt was growing on him more and more every day. When he saw Jimmy standing awkwardly in the doorway, he chuckled, “Sit your ass down, man. You’re making me even more tired watching you stand there.”

 

Jimmy tentatively sat down next to Dean, closer than people usually sat next to each other when they weren’t a couple. Unspoken personal space rules didn’t seem to faze Jimmy much – not that Dean minded in this case. Bones laid his muzzle on Jimmy’s knees and looked up at him with begging eyes until Jimmy laid his hands on the dog’s head and pet him.

 

“It was a long, eventful day…”Jimmy started, sitting stock still next to him, “Are you… tired?”

 

Dean stretched his arms out along the back of the couch and regarded him with a small smile, “Why?”

 

“I don’t want to keep you from sleeping,” Jimmy mumbled, before he kneaded his left shoulder with a deep frown.

 

Without even thinking about it, Dean’s hand found its way to said shoulder and started massaging it for him, “Are you alright?”

 

Jimmy closed his eyes and gasped quietly, before he slowly shook his head, “My back hurts a bit. It feels weird.”

 

It was probably crossing a line, but he couldn’t have stopped himself from offering if he tried. “Here, lay down…” Dean moved to stand to allow Jimmy to sprawl out on the couch.

 

Jimmy gave him a quick, confused look, “What are you–”

 

“I’m gonna help with the pain, if you’re okay with that…”

 

Jimmy raised an eyebrow before he nodded and lay down on the couch.

 

Dean moved to sit beside him at his hip, slowly starting to rub at the tight muscles of Jimmy’s back. It was a little difficult with the t-shirt barrier, but there was no way in hell he was gonna ask the guy to strip. When he found a knot just at the base of his shoulder blade, Dean moved to kneel to focus on it, “Shit, dude. No wonder you’re in pain…”

 

Instead of answering Jimmy moaned deeply when Dean pushed his thumb into the muscle. And that was not making the inappropriateness of the situation any better. He pushed a little harder, working out the knot, trying like hell to ignore the soft gasps and moans escaping Jimmy’s lips. At this rate, Dean was convinced the guy must have been a porn star or something, the sounds he made were freakin’ indecent.

 

Once the knot was gone, his hands trailed upward to the base of Jimmy’s neck, palming the soft skin he was able to touch sent a sharp sting of electricity through him. Dean took a few deep breaths, trying to will away his slowly hardening erection. He should not be getting hard, not over a guy he barely knew, but the damn sounds… He would have liked to see the Pope successfully refrain from being affected by those damn sounds.

 

“Dean… this feels really good,” Jimmy gasped, his voice sounded rough and very relaxed.

 

“Told you I’d help with the pain, didn’t I?” Dean teased, but his voice caught in his throat. It was taking every ounce of willpower he had to not flip the guy over and kiss the ever loving shit out of him.

 

Jimmy hummed in appreciation and it felt like he was melting against the couch under his touch. “You’re amazing…” he slurred quietly, his breathing started to even out. It was almost like he was falling asleep under Dean’s hands. Which wasn’t a big surprise when Dean thought about it. It had been a very taxing day.

 

Dean smiled as he let his kneading become softer, his hands traced the hard lines of Jimmy’s shoulder and muscles, stroking over his back alongside his vertebrae to feel for other knots. It looked like the only tension had been at his shoulders. He stroked tender circles with his palm over his shoulder blade when he realized Jimmy had gone completely quiet. When he leaned over to look at his face, he noticed that Jimmy was asleep.

 

Bones pattered to the couch and sat down next to it before he laid his muzzle on the cushion and looked at the sleeping shape of their new friend. “Don’t wake him up,“ Dean whispered, thinking for a moment about how unfair it was, that Bones was allowed to stare at Jimmy without being creepy.

 

Dean got up and grabbed a blanket from the hall closet. As he draped it over the sleeping form of Jimmy, his hands rested at the nape of his neck. He carefully tucked a stray hair behind his ear as he looked at the sleeping features of the strangely interesting man.

 

Benny hadn’t been wrong. The last time he felt so at ease around someone so quickly had been Lisa. And the fact that Dean felt such a strong connection so vividly… it fucking terrified him. God, he was so fucking terrified.

 

Not just because of what that connection and attraction could create in damage and destruction, but so many other things, too. For one, for all they knew Jimmy was a happily married guy with kids. Or maybe he wasn't even into dudes and Dean was just projecting.

 

But ultimately, deep down, there was this intense and almost lung crushing guilt. Every time there was a brief moment of levity with Jimmy, where Dean was rewarded with a genuine smile and shy glance; the way his heart would hammer and his own lips would twitch upward, paved way for down right regret.

 

Dean was so conflicted. It had been a few years, but there was this part of him, a part that had no sense of logic, that felt like he was betraying her, betraying what she left behind.

 

Shit, how could he possibly even think of dragging someone else into the shitshow of his emotional life? Dean shook his head of his errant and depressing thoughts, thumb gently caressing over the guy’s cheek. Jimmy hummed in his sleep and he retracted his hand.

 

Dean watched him sleep for a few more moments. He whispered, “You're somethin’ else…”

 

Bones nuzzled into his hand and Dean scratched his scruff. Moving to stand, he beckoned the dog with a soft tap to the side of his leg and made his way to his room. Eyes never parting from Jimmy’s form as he shut off the lights.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean was shaken from his dead sleep by screaming. Bones was at the foot of his bed, whining like a terrified puppy. He threw off the blankets and darted into the living room after he grabbed his good ol’ Louisville slugger.

 

Turning on the light, there was no murder happening, but the way Jimmy was thrashing around on the couch, you would have thought there was. Dean dropped the bat and was instantly at his side, gently shaking him awake, “Jimmy!”

 

“Dean, Dean…” For a moment Dean thought Jimmy was awake, because he was gasping his name, but he was still asleep, trapped in his nightmare.

 

Dean shook him a little harder, “I'm here, I'm right here…” he soothed, trying to bring him from his nightmare back to reality.

 

Jimmy sobbed, “Please, Dean... stop…”

 

His blood froze, was he dreaming that Dean was the one hurting him? He needed to wake the guy up now, before sleep bled into waking. Dean leaned forward and circled his arms around Jimmy, pulling him upright. He gently smacked the guy’s cheek and barked, “Wake up, please!”

 

That did it. Jimmy suddenly stared at him with wide eyes, looking shocked, his breathing ragged. His voice sounded hoarse from all the screaming, carrying disbelief and something broken in his tone, “Dean? You're okay…”

 

All of the sudden Dean was pulled forward into a fierce hug. Jimmy pressed his face against his throat, his body was shaking. Dean carded his hand into the guy’s slightly sweat damp hair, “I'm fine, Jimmy.” He started rubbing the guy’s back, “What happened?”

 

Jimmy tightened his grip around him, slightly shaking his head, “I dreamed about you… but you were different… I was different. I don't know. It felt so real. More like a memory than a dream, but it just doesn't make sense.”

 

“Was I hurting you? You asked me to stop…”

 

Jimmy leaned back, sounding frustrated and annoyed, “It doesn’t matter. It wasn't you… It was just a stupid dream.”

 

Dean cupped the side of Jimmy’s face, “Talk to me.”

 

Jimmy frowned, “Dean, I dreamed that I saved you from Hell and later you changed into something evil that I tried to save you from and you beat me up.” Jimmy jumped up from the couch, completely agitated, “This is total bullshit! What the fuck is wrong with me?”

 

Dean was a little taken aback, he sat on the couch, watching him pace, “It was just a dream…”

 

“Why did it feel so real though? It doesn't make any sense. I can still smell all the blood. I know how it felt when my arm broke… Am I insane?” Jimmy scrubbed his hands over his face.

 

He was all too familiar with how to deal with this type of situation. The sort of manic-depressive psychosis that lingers after a particular vivid and terrifying dream. Dean stood up and held his hand out for Jimmy to take. At the bemused look, Dean took the decision from him and grabbed his hand, walking him to the patio door.

 

Swinging it open, Dean pulled Jimmy outside, “Look around you. Does this place look like Hell?”

 

“No, quite the opposite,” Jimmy responded quietly after a moment.

 

Dean nodded and squeezed his hand, “I’m here, and I promise I’m not going to turn into some kind of monster and hurt you. You’re here, you’re not hurt. You’re okay, Jimmy. I promise.”

 

The moonlight made Jimmy’s eyes look almost eerie, and Dean could see unshed tears shimmering on the brink. “I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t you. Dean, I meant what I said. I trust you. I guess my brain just used your image to substitute for someone else. And the fairy tale element about Hell and demons… maybe it's also just an analogy for something that happened to me…” he shrugged and tried to smile, “Or it was just stupid crap.”

 

“In my experience, dreams aren't usually reflective of reality, just your feelings, maybe fears.” Dean moved to the bistro patio set, guiding Jimmy to sit down. He took a seat next to him and took a deep breath before he continued, “I can’t imagine it’s easy to have no memory of anything, but I’m here for you, man. Whatever you need.” It was so strange how badly he wanted to be there for Jimmy. It was almost innate.

 

Jimmy seemed to be closed off in his own thoughts for a moment before he looked up with tired eyes and a quick, half smile, “I'm tired, but I don't know if I'm able to sleep again…” He frowned and looked at the night sky, “I can't remember falling asleep either… It wasn’t that late when we got back. I'm sorry for waking you up. I did wake you, right?”

 

Dean shrugged it off, “Yeah, but it’s not a problem. If you can’t sleep we could always watch a movie or something? See if maybe that’ll trigger a real memory? Get you out of your nightmare headspace?”

 

“Aren't you tired?” Jimmy asked, still sounding worried when he carded his fingers through Bones’ fur.

 

“Not really. I’m off tomorrow, so it’s not like I have to be at work or anything…”

 

“Okay,” Jimmy grabbed Dean’s hand, his thumb stroking over the back of his hand, “Thank you, Dean. For everything.”

 

Dean nodded, swallowing dryly at the intimate touch. “Any time, Jimmy.”

 

They stared at each other, a soft smile played around Jimmy’s lips, “Should we go inside?”

 

His fingers were still on his, softly caressing the back of his hand.

 

“Yeah, let’s go…”

 

Jimmy pulled him up and for a moment they stood very close, just looking at each other before Dean cleared his throat and ended the moment.

 

Jimmy kept throwing him shy glances when they were back on the couch. “So, what are we watching?”

 

Dean pulled out one of his favorite Alfred Hitchcock movies and showed it to Jimmy, “How about some Hitchcock? You can’t go wrong with a classic.”

 

Jimmy nodded and they sat down next to each other again. Dean tried not to think about the fact that Jimmy shifted closer to him once Dean had settled down. Maybe Jimmy was just looking for comfort, with the residual nightmare still looming over his head. It didn’t help that his fingers twitched with the urge to reach out for Jimmy’s hand again.

 

Jimmy had gone very quiet during the movie. Dean could feel the tension practically radiating off of him. Maybe a thriller hadn’t been the best idea after the nightmare that shook both of them awake. It was damn difficult to concentrate, the warmth radiating from the body next to him, the weirdly familiar comfort of sharing the couch in such a way for the first time in a couple of years.

 

Dean kept periodically casting a shy glance to Jimmy’s face throughout the course of the film. The guy never noticed, completely engrossed in the plot, or the acting, or something. Thankfully Vertigo was one of his favorite flicks, it wasn’t like he needed to pay attention. He leaned back against the couch, arm extended out along the couch behind Jimmy. It would be so easy to wrap it around his shoulder, to pull him closer. Dean took a deep breath and shook himself of those thoughts.

 

When the credits started rolling, Jimmy suddenly jumped up, “Stop! Pause the movie.”

 

Dean scrambled for the controller and hit pause, watching how Jimmy slowly went to the screen and touched the name on the screen.

 

Novak.

  
Jimmy looked back at Dean with wide eyes, “I think that’s my name. Jimmy Novak.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: So, just FYI. This fic is completely written. We're just editing/beta'ing the fic one chapter at a time, and these fucking chapters are long as shit, so it's taking some time. The entire fic should be uploaded within the next two weeks, hopefully sooner. Hope you like this chapter!
> 
> Any here: If I fucked up when Cas speaks in different languages, please let me know and I correct it. Also Bonus Points for the one who spots the X-Files reference

_ By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top _

_ I climbed the tree to see the world _

_ When the gusts came around to blow me down _

_ Held on as tightly as you held on me _

_ Held on as tightly as you held on me _

 

“I think that’s my name. Jimmy Novak.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened, “Shit, are you sure? What makes you think that?”

 

“It’s just a feeling… I still don’t remember. But it sounds right… like I have read it over and over… Is there a way… Can we try to find me on the internet?”

 

Dean nodded, he moved to grab his laptop and dropped back onto the couch, flipping the device open and quickly typing in his password. His fingers trembled slightly as he pulled up Google and typed in the name: James Novak. He valiantly ignored the way Jimmy was pressed into him, looking at the screen with expectation. Google found way too many results.

 

He chuckled, “If that is your name, way to have a name that is almost as common as John Smith.”

 

Jimmy gave him a half smile that didn’t do anything to hide his tension, “Maybe check the images?”

 

Dean clicked on images and was bombarded with pictures of the actor who plays the gay dude on the show Scandal. Dean made it a point to look at Jimmy’s face, narrowing his eyes in vivid assessment. “I’m pretty sure you’re cuter than this guy…” he smirked.

 

Jimmy tried to hide his smile, looking away, but Dean had seen it. He cleared his throat, “I’m not sure about that, but that’s definitely not me.”

 

Dean sighed, “I don’t know, Jimmy. I’m pretty sure this is like looking for a piece of hay in a huge stack of needles. I can text Jody in the morning, see if she can have her boys search for a James Novak in their database?”

 

Jimmy titled his head, “I think you said that wrong.”

 

Dean chuckled, “So, I’m barking up the wrong fish?”

 

“I'm starting to believe that you really like to confuse me,” Jimmy squinted his eyes at him before he playfully nudged his shoulder.

 

“Kind of a dick move, huh?” He smiled, feeling only slightly bad, he really did enjoy the way the man’s head tilted and his eyes would get all squinty. It was pretty cute.

 

“Yes,” Jimmy nodded, “That’s not very nice. How are you going to make it up to me?”

 

Dean tapped out YouTube’s address on the browser, “I could show you funny videos?”

 

“Do you really think you can make it up to me with a cat video?” Jimmy smirked playfully as he leaned against his shoulder. 

 

“I never said a cat video,” Dean smirked down at him. He pulled up a clip from Dormtainment. 

 

Jimmy squinted his eyes again, “For some reason I thought those were the only kind of funny videos.”

 

Dean regarded him for a moment, unable to hide the grin at the overall contentment he was feeling with their camaraderie. “It's weird the stuff you seem to know…”

 

“I know… but all the things seem to be inconsequential. It’s like I have an encyclopedia in my head with no emotional attachment. And isn’t that the things we’re made of; emotional context, our experience, our memories?”

 

How the hell was Dean supposed to answer that? When there were days, moments, extreme tragedy and pain he so desperately wished he could sever his emotional attachment to? He felt incredibly guilty in that moment. This man wished for nothing more than what Dean tried so hard to repress, to quell. Instead he made the conscious decision to focus on something else, something that was akin to hope, “Our memories don’t make us who we are, we can change that based on our own bias. As for emotional context and how it affects our experiences? Well… the best part of being a human is the chance to have new experiences and make memories out of those…”

 

Jimmy gave him a shy smile, “Making new memories has been really nice so far.”

 

“I particularly liked the memory of you giving Benny the shifty eyes. For someone who hangs around a wolf, you seemed pretty uneasy around him…” Dean teased. 

 

Jimmy glanced away, trying to hide a shy smile, “I thought he was your… boyfriend.”

 

Dean laughed and shook his head, “Hell, no…” And the realization of the implication of what Jimmy said sunk in, “Why would that bother you?” Flashes of homophobic acts and people he’d encountered throughout his life caused him to clench one of his fists, the burning of a sadness constricting his throat. Dean really,  _ really  _ didn’t want the budding friendship with this man to be tainted by intolerance. 

 

Jimmy responded with a bewildered look, before he actually blushed, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I hoped you weren't with someone…”

 

That was not the answer he’d been expecting. “You were jealous?” Unable to hide the utter shock in his tone. While they had been flirting, Dean had pretty much convinced himself that Jimmy was just overly friendly.

 

Jimmy winced, “I'm aware that this is in no way appropriate. I'm sorry.”

 

It wasn’t, it really wasn’t appropriate for either of them. While a part of him was screaming to just stop thinking, to stop worrying, to just… feel things for once, the logical voice in his head was louder, firmer. Dean shook his head, “No, you don’t have to be sorry, but… you’re kinda right. There’s so much shit we don’t know about each other. Hell, that we don’t know about your life. It’s just… It’s not smart…”

 

Jimmy nodded and sighed deeply, “I know. You’re right. I still could be an axe murderer.”

 

Dean gave him a small smile, “Or the leader of some kind of Doomsday Cult…”

 

“Or an alien from another planet.”

 

Dean barked out a laugh, “Or a ghost from the other side, maybe I’m the only one who can see you?”

 

“As much as I would like that, Benny saw me already and even offered me a job,” Jimmy shrugged, “Going with what we know so far, I bet I was working in a circus with bees.”

 

“Why a circus?”

 

“Because Benny said what I do isn't normal.” Jimmy fidgeted with the seam of his shirt, “I lied to him. I said I hadn't done anything, but I told them to leave.”

 

Dean stilled Jimmy’s fidgeting with his hand, “What do you mean you ‘told them’ to leave?”

 

“Not with words… It's hard to explain. I just know how to communicate with them… I didn’t want to freak you out, but I also don't want to lie to you.”

 

It didn’t freak him out, and that fact kind of freaked him out. He didn’t think Jimmy was lying, or crazy. He  _ believed  _ him. The weird tingle of excitement he felt at Jimmy’s words. There was always reports and tall-tales of bizarre abilities throughout the world, there’s a reason superhero franchises were so popular. Dean patted his leg to call Bones over, “Can you do it with Bones?”

 

“Not to that extent. Bees are simpler…” Jimmy knelt down and laid his palm on Bones’ head, “I can tell you that he likes it here,” Jimmy smiled before he frowned. “Something is bothering him. Did he have an injury recently in his left hind leg?”

 

Dean tilted his head in amazement, “Yeah, when he first got here. Dummy got it caught in a tree root and twisted it. The vet said there wasn’t much they could do for a sprain… And as you’ve seen, it doesn’t really stop him.”

 

Jimmy chuckled before he touched Bones’ leg and his hand started to glow. He looked up at Dean in shock, as if he, himself, couldn’t believe what just happened, “I healed him.”

 

Dean slapped his laptop closed and moved to the ground next to him, just in time for Bones to lick Jimmy’s face before darting off, no more limp as he did so. He stared at Jimmy kind of dumbly, “Am I crazy or did that just happen?”

 

“That’s not normal, right?” Jimmy looked like he was on the verge of freaking out.

 

Placing a comforting hand on the guy’s shoulder, he shook his head, “No, dude. Definitely not…”

 

Jimmy’s breathing was way too fast, his voice shaken and breathy, “What am I?”

 

Dean pat his back before rubbing it, trying to get him to calm down, “Alien’s seeming more and more likely…” Is that what Jimmy was? Dean was trying hard not to freak out, too. 

 

“But that was just a joke… I mean, I don’t feel like I’m an alien. On the other hand, what do I know about what being an alien feels like? Fuck… This is not happening.... This is not happening.”

 

Dean grasped his shoulders, trying to steady him, to anchor him back, “Jimmy, calm down.”

 

Jimmy pulled him close, burying his head in his shoulder, “Dean…” 

 

Hushing the man, he carded his hand through Jimmy’s hair, “It’s fine, everything's fine…” Everything was  _ not  _ fine. But for some unknown reason, calming Jimmy down was a higher priority than trying to figure out what, exactly, his new friend was.

 

After a moment Jimmy became calmer before he drew back with a frown, “I have a name. My name is Jimmy Novak. That doesn’t sound like a name for an alien, right?”

 

Dean shrugged, “Hell if I know. Look,” His hand trailed down to the side of Jimmy’s face, strong and firm, trying to keep him grounded, “I have a friend, he’s uh… He’s fucking cracked, thinks things like vampires and ghosts and shit are real… I don’t know. Maybe we should go talk to him?”

 

Jimmy swallowed visibly, he still looked freaked, but at least he was breathing normally again, “I’m not dangerous. I just know… I would never hurt you.”

 

“I have no fucking clue why, but I believe you…” Dean shook his head, still trying to process everything.

 

Jimmy visibly relaxed under his hand, “Okay… okay… um… if you think your friend could help, we should try that…”

 

A reflexive and unplanned movement, Dean started to caress the side of Jimmy’s face with his thumb. He could feel the electricity in the air changing between them. Eyes locked, Dean felt like he couldn’t turn away. He was frozen, completely immovable.

 

Jimmy’s hand slid down to his left shoulder, his fingers gripping his arm like he was trying to hold onto something.

 

Dean hissed at the sudden onslaught of sensation. The skin on his left shoulder began to burn under Jimmy’s touch. He winced and Jimmy retracted his hand instantly. Dean pulled at the sleeve of his t-shirt and there was a handprint seared into his skin. They looked at each other with widened eyes. Dean gasped, “What the fuck?”

 

Jimmy visibly paled and leaned back from Dean with wide eyes, “I’m sorry. I have no idea what happened. I didn’t do anything, I swear.”

 

Again, for some unknown reason, Dean believed him. “I know.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Jimmy huddled against the doorframe when Dean inspected the handprint in the bathroom mirror. “I could…” Jimmy started, sounding unsure, “try to heal it?”

 

Dean trailed his fingers against the raised flesh. It didn't hurt, it didn't burn, it was just there, like this handprint was a part of him. He almost wanted to tell Jimmy he was fine with it, but he knew better, “Uh, yeah, okay…”

 

Dean moved to angle his shoulder in Jimmy’s direction, offering the marked skin to his touch again.

 

Jimmy was hesitant, his hand hovered over the mark for a moment before it started to glow. Dean felt warmth radiating from Jimmy’s fingers, something like an electric jolt coursed through his body when he touched the mark. 

 

In that moment everything felt right in the world, like he was suddenly complete, or that a missing piece had finally clicked into place. 

 

And then the moment was gone when Jimmy pulled his hand back with a frown, “It didn’t work… I'm sorry.”

 

Dean shook his head in amazement, “Did… did you feel that?” He couldn’t give a fuck if it healed or not, whatever just happened between them wasn’t normal either, and he was hoping he hadn’t been the only one who felt it.

 

“For a moment I felt like… I was connected to you… somehow complete. As if everything made sense suddenly…” Jimmy glanced up at him shyly, “Did you feel that way, too?”

 

“Yeah…” Dean breathed out, starting to feel a little panicky. He was torn between grabbing Jimmy’s hand to slam it against his shoulder, to feel that sensation again; and running for the goddamn hills. “Has any of this triggered somethin’?” he deflected.

 

Jimmy nodded slowly, “I saw images in my mind. But they didn't make any sense.”

 

“What images? Like in your dream?”

 

Jimmy tilted his head, ”How did you know?”

 

Dean took a deep breath, holding his hand out to steady himself, “This is gonna sound nuts, but I think I felt them…”

 

“What do you mean?” Jimmy asked carefully.

 

“I don’t even think I know. It was like… When you touched my arm? Whatever you were seeing, however it was making you feel, I think I could feel it. Sadness. Pain…” Dean furrowed his brow and ruffled his hair in worry, “Does that make sense?”

 

“Sense wouldn’t be the word of my choosing, but that is what I felt when I saw… you... in those images, flashbacks or whatever they are. I saw how I gripped you tight and raised you…” 

 

“From perdition…” Dean breathed out, not understanding why he knew what Jimmy was about to say. Why he just  _ knew  _ what Jimmy had seen.

 

Jimmy stared at him with disbelieving wide eyes, “How is that possible?”

 

“I don’t know…” Dean took a deep breath and rubbed his eyebrow, “Let’s go see Frank. He’s gotta have more answers…”

 

“Now? In the middle of the night?”

 

Dean tapped his foot nervously against the cabinet door under the sink, trying to keep his shit together. He hated not being able to explain, not understanding. “He doesn’t really sleep, one of those shut-in paranoid types, you know?” He sighed in frustration, “Of course you don’t know. He’s awake, I can promise it, we should… Jimmy, this is really fucking weird.”

 

Jimmy nodded with a grim expression, “I'm starting to believe that meeting you was not a coincidence. There seems to be a connection between us and I want to know what it is. If your friend can help we should definitely go.”

 

“Okay, I’m uh… I’ll grab some clothes…” 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

For the first time since they’d met, which was less than twenty four hours ago, but still… the silence between them was tense, uncomfortable. Jimmy made it a point to sit as far away from Dean as possible on the way to Frank’s, eyes glued to the window, or whatever was zooming passed outside of it.

 

When they reached the dilapidated shack Frank called home, Dean pounded on the door. At the lack of response, he knocked harder, calling out, “Frank! I know you’re in there!”

 

After a beat the door slammed open and there stood Frank, in a filthy white t-shirt, boxers, and a dusky pink robe hanging open. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and strolled past him into the house, “Do you?” Dean turned to Jimmy, “This is Frank. Frank, this is Jimmy.”

 

“Oh, nice to meet you, would you like a cup of tea –” His feigned nicety dissipated when Frank rounded on Dean, “What the hell’s got you poundin’ on my door at this ungodly hour?”

 

Dean sighed and pulled his t-shirt sleeve up, displaying the handprint brand.

 

Frank scowled, “You’re into scarification, how is that my problem?”

 

Dean scowled, “Because Jimmy gave this to me just by touching my shoulder. We’re kind of freakin’ out here, man. Figured you’d be the only whackjob within a hundred miles who would believe us…”

 

The older man’s demeanor instantly changed. He proceeded to invade Jimmy’s personal space, eyeing him in curiosity. Frank grabbed one of Jimmy’s hands and started looking it over, Jimmy casting Dean frightened and confused glances.

 

“Alright, alright, Frank. Give him some space…” Dean intervened, gently guiding Frank away from Jimmy.

 

Mumbling to himself like the crackpot he was, Frank moved to his desk, surrounded by a dozen monitors, covered in papers and random pieces of equipment, and started rifling through it. The man was looking for something like a man possessed. “Any other weird shit?”

 

“Weird shit?” Dean asked.

 

“Yeah, numb nuts. Weird shit. Seein’ dead people, Sixth Sense kind of weird shit.”

 

Jimmy shook his head before he nodded with a frown, as if he wasn’t sure if he should say something, “I healed Bones and I can communicate with bees.”

 

“Healed bones? Like a broken bone?” Frank asked, sound slightly muffled because he’d dropped underneath the desk in his search for whatever it was.

 

“Bones is a dog. He had a sprained leg,” Jimmy explained carefully. “And I don't know anything about my life prior this day. Not even if my name is really Jimmy.”

 

At that Frank perked up, face peeking out from below the desk, “Total memory loss and the ability to heal things?  _ Very  _ interesting…” He opened a folder, “Off the top of my head, I’d say your friend here is clearly a government experiment, being given different abilities as part of their secret militaristic front line, and he somehow escaped, but the trauma caused amnesia and –”

 

“Frank! Man, no more government conspiracies. You’re into all that whackadoo shit, is this… Does Jimmy fit the bill?” Dean let out a sigh, he liked the guy, but his paranoia was a little much sometimes.

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… When the robots rise up and start taking over the world, you’re gonna wish you listened to me…” Frank made a triumphant sound as he dropped a large, leather bound journal onto the desk. He started flipping through it. Finding the page he wanted, Frank pointed at it, “There, that. Jimmy, you’re probably a fairy…”

 

Dean’s brow furrowed in annoyance, “The fuck are you talking about?”

 

“A fairy, they have the power to heal, although… I don’t see anything about skin brandings or animal communication here… Maybe…” Frank started flipping through the book again.

 

“No, Frank, why would you assume he’s a fairy?”

 

“Well, he doesn’t look like a unicorn…”

 

Dean was on the verge of smashing every single one of the damn monitors. “Frank, I need you to focus.”

 

“What creature could raise someone from perdition?” Jimmy asked suddenly.

 

Frank shoved his glasses back up on his nose, staring kind of dumbfoundedly at Jimmy. “Nothing…” His tone was hesitant, terrified. Frank wasn’t telling them everything.

 

Jimmy frowned, “You’re lying.”

 

Dean rounded on him, “Is he right? What aren’t you tellin’ us?”

 

Before either of them knew what hit them, Frank unloaded a large supersoaker on both of them. 

 

Dean shook his hair out, “The fuck?”

 

“Huh…” Frank remarked, seemingly satisfied with whatever did or did not just happen, he returned his attention back to flipping through the journal.

 

Dean slammed his fist down on the desk, causing the older man to startle, pulling the journal against his chest as he rolled backwards in his desk chair. Dean took a steadying breath, “What the fuck did you soak us with water for?”

 

“Holy water,” Frank amended. “The only thing that can get outta Hell is a demon, neither of you reacted, so you aren’t demons…”

 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Dean exhaled slowly. This whole visit was giving him a migraine. He’d always considered himself a pretty open-minded guy, but deep down he had always believed if he couldn’t see it for himself, it probably didn’t exist. Dean had never been one to buy the batshit crazy Frank was tryin’ to sell. Now though? Now that he’d seen the shit with Jimmy? He couldn’t honestly brush that off anymore. “I’m gonna need you to break shit down for me here, man…”

 

“Yeah, yeah…” Frank waved him off before slamming the journal shut and dropping it at the edge of the desk, “If you don’t like my answers, find ‘em yourself.”

 

Dean picked up the journal, “What is this?”

 

“Oh, you know, just every catalogued account of supernatural creatures according to different hunters for the past few hundred years…”

 

“Hunters?” Jimmy asked, sounding very tired.

 

Frank addressed Dean, “Is he slow?” Tone changing from pseudo concerned to sardonic he finally replied, “Yes, hunters. Think Van Helsing, think the woodsman in Little Red Riding Hood. Hunters. The folks out there keeping your ignorant asses safe from all the shit that goes bump in the night.”

 

Dean scrubbed his hand over his face then gripped his forehead, “Is that what you are?”

 

“Fuck no! I just do research and provide certain… technological assistance. Anyway, whatever your friend is…” Frank turned to Jimmy, “Whatever you are, if it's not in this book, then you're something new…”

 

Jimmy made a huffing noise, a mixture of defeat and frustration, “Great.”

 

Dean started flipping through the pages on the journal, weird ass creature after weird ass creature, most of which he’d never heard of. The fuck was a wendigo? 

 

Jimmy leaned against him to look over his shoulder. The closeness somehow made him calm down in a way Dean didn't want to think of. “That looks creepy,” Jimmy mumbled quietly.

 

Before Dean could respond, Frank cleared his throat, “This ain’t a library, and you’ve overstayed your welcome. Take it, bring it back when you found whatever your friend is, you get me, Winchester?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes, “I get you.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

There was a tense buzz in the air between Dean and Jimmy as they made their way back to his house. The radio clock in Baby flashed 3:36 AM at him in mocking. When they got back to the house, Jimmy was still going through the journal as he blindly made his way back to the couch. 

 

Dean needed to do something with his hands and since sleep was not going to happen any time soon, he headed to the kitchen, “Do you want coffee?”

 

Jimmy looked up with concerned eyes, “Dean, you’re tired. Don't you want to get some sleep?“

 

He let out a soft sigh as he leaned against the kitchen doorframe, “I couldn’t sleep if you paid me right now, so no… Coffee?”

 

Jimmy answered with a half smile and a soft nod, ”Yes, thank you.“

 

Dean could feel his eyes on him the whole time while he was preparing the coffee. It was unnerving and comforting at the same time. After dumping in an extra spoonful of sugar for good measure in his own cup, he turned to Jimmy, who was still standing in the doorway, and handed him his mug. “Find anything in that journal?”

 

Jimmy scratched the back of his neck, “I'm pretty sure I'm not a unicorn… It appears that there aren't many creatures that can heal others. Assuming that those creatures really exist.”

 

“Shit…” Dean ruffled a hand through his hair, “I don’t know what I believe anymore…” He moved to sit down at the kitchen table.

 

Jimmy sat next to him, rubbing his hand over his face. His voice sounded tired, “I don’t feel like I’m some creature. I feel human… I want to be human.”

 

He thumbed through the pages of the journal before he closed it with a sigh, “Could we try... the internet?”

 

Dean shrugged, “It couldn't hurt…” 

 

They made their way back to the living room, Dean grabbed his laptop and opened it up on the coffee table. His fingers hovered over the keyboard for a beat before he turned to Jimmy, “What the hell do I even search for?”

 

Jimmy bit his lower lip, “I know it was just a dream and… maybe it’s nothing… but we could try creatures who can save someone from Hell.”

 

Dean couldn’t argue that logic, he typed in verbatim what Jimmy said, and a bunch of bullshit websites popped up. He clicked on the first one, some bullshit ghostbusters rip off with two annoying guys as hosts. The second the theme song started playing, Dean shut the browser tab off. Shaking off that obnoxiousness, Dean sighed and clicked on the next website. Some doomsday prepare for the apocalypse and repent bullshit.

 

After a few more websites, he turned to Jimmy, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know if this is gonna turn anything up…”

 

“How about creatures that heal?” Jimmy asked leaning closer to Dean.

 

Dean typed that into the google search bar, and again a shit ton of dumb websites. One in particular stood out and he clicked on it. He sighed, “Some bullshit about the healing power of angels… Apparently if you’re a believer, God and his angels can heal you…” He had to refrain from rolling his eyes.

 

Jimmy tilted his head before he wrapped his hand over Dean’s on the mouse and clicked on an image for an angel. It was an old painting, depicting an angel with a human in his arms, pulling him from the pits of Hell. He turned to Dean with a raised eyebrow, “Healing and rescuing people from Hell…”

 

“No fuckin’ way…” Dean breathed out, staring at Jimmy in disbelief. He felt like he was going into some sort of mindfuck spiral. He went from a mostly non believing agnostic, to possibly sitting next to a freakin’ angel? Dean stood up, “I need a fuckin’ drink…”

 

Jimmy sat back, “I think I need a drink, too…” For a moment he just stared at the wall before he slowly shook his head, “Wait a minute, shouldn’t I have wings if I were an angel?”

 

Dean grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses before plopping down next to him on the couch again, “Shit, dude. I don’t even know…”

 

Jimmy put the laptop aside and leaned his head against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling, “This is ridiculous. I’d rather believe I’m a failed genetic experiment than this… I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess.” He leaned his cheek against the couch, managing to look positively earnest and innocent.

 

Dean really needed a fucking drink. He drained his glass and poured another before leaning back against the couch, shoving the other glass in Jimmy’s hand. “No, don’t apologize. Probably better it was some dumbass like me that found you, instead of some cuckoo bird who might want to use you in some way…” 

 

Jimmy took a sip from his whiskey and frowned, “It might sound very selfish, but I’m glad it was you.”

 

Dean clinked his glass against Jimmy’s, taking note of his frown and purposely not acknowledging his statement, “It’s not supposed to taste good, you toss it back, like this…” Dean drained the second glass and leaned forward to pour himself another shot. The warmth of the whiskey was already starting to calm his nerves a little.

 

Jimmy gave him a hesitant look before he choked down his whiskey and pulled a face. He coughed quietly, “It burns.”

 

“Let me grab a chaser…” Dean darted into the kitchen, all he had that would make for a decent chaser was freakin’ Coke. Well, maybe they could have jack and cokes and Jimmy wouldn’t hate the taste so much. Grabbing a couple of pint glasses, he repositioned himself back on the couch. Pouring a new shot for him and filling the rest of the glass with the soda, he handed the new drink to Jimmy, “Try that. Should mask the burn.”

 

Jimmy carefully nipped at the drink before he nodded at Dean with a shy smile, “That’s better. Thank you.”

 

Dean nodded and clinked their glasses together again. He watched in fascination as Jimmy proceeded to sip at his drink, like a freakin’ lady. He chuckled, “That solidifies it. You’re a girl drink drunk. Something else we learned about you…”

 

Jimmy chuckled and looked away, “Well, we finally have an answer. I knew all women have superpowers.”

 

Without consulting his brain, Dean’s hand slid a finger over Jimmy’s cheek, “Pretty furry for a chick…”

 

Jimmy closed his eyes for a moment and leaned into the touch. His smile was still in place, “Maybe I’m a bearded lady.”

 

“Voice is too deep to be a lady’s…” he breathed. Why the hell hadn’t he pulled his hand back yet?

 

“I’m sure there are women with deep voices, Dean,” Jimmy bit his lower lip and looked up at Dean through thick lashes, “I hope you have something more solid as an argument than that.”

 

“First of all, there’s no freakin’ way that voice of yours, which I’m pretty sure is the love child of Barry White and Benedict Cumberbatch’s voices, could  _ ever  _ belong to a woman…” Dean smirked, finally gaining a semblance of control over himself as he took a long swig from his drink. He moved his hand from the side of Jimmy’s face and leaned it against the back of the couch, pressing his chin on it, “And second, the only other proof that you are not a woman is not, exactly, well…” He shook his head of his thoughts and chose to not finish that damn sentence.

 

Jimmy smirked back at him as he leaned his head lazily against the back of the couch, “Isn’t exactly what?”

 

Dean laughed, “Are you already drunk, dude?” He was damn grateful for the distraction from the line of thinking that was fast becoming dangerous.

 

Jimmy chuckled, a faint red tint in his cheeks, “I think I am. I feel funny.”

 

“Nice, right?” Why the hell did he have the urge to see just how far down Jimmy’s body that blush went? Damn, it had been so long since he’d gotten laid, Dean was projecting his stupid desires on the poor guy he found in the freakin’ woods, who may, or may not be an actual angel. At that moment, Dean was ninety nine percent sure his life was one, big, cosmic joke.

 

“Very nice,” Jimmy smiled, but the look he was giving Dean told him that he wasn’t speaking about his level of drunkenness.

 

Dean looked down at his glass, needed to break the spell between them whenever they locked eyes. He chuckled to himself, “This is usually the part where I ask you questions about yourself to get to know you. Kind of sucks we can’t, huh?”

 

Jimmy tilted his head, “I think right in this moment you’re the person that knows me best in this world. But if you want to, you can ask me questions and I can make up silly answers.”

 

Dean smiled, that actually sounded pretty damn fun. He readjusted his position to face Jimmy more fully, left leg crossed on the couch while his other leg dangled over the edge, “Alright. First concert you went to?”

 

Jimmy scratched his chin, “Woodstock in 1969. I danced naked to Jimmy Hendrix’s music. What was your first concert?”

 

Dean let out a bark of laughter, “Nice! Well, I saw the Beatles live, when they were opening for Roy Orbison.” Damn, he’d never not want to give fake answers to these stupid ice-breaker type questions again. 

 

Jimmy pursed his lips, “You look pretty young for being older than 53.”

 

“Yeah, botox and a good plastic surgeon,” Dean winked at him and polished off the rest of his drink. He refilled his shot glass and stroked his chin as he tried to think of another question. “Okay, hands down, the best film of all time? And there are wrong answers…”

 

“That’s a tough question… Okay I’ll go with… Star Wars, um... the older ones, and Beethoven  –  the movie about the big fluffy dog...” 

 

Dean almost choked on his damn drink and shook his head, “You tryin’ to kill me?”

 

Jimmy emptied his glass and gave him a playful shocked look, “Are you saying that Star Wars isn’t a good movie?”

 

Dean refilled Jimmy’s glass and quirked his brow, “That’s exactly what I’m tellin’ you, that you could even compare it to the masterpiece that was Beethoven. You  _ heathen…” _

 

Jimmy chuckled, his voice started to sound a bit slurred, “I apologize, you are so right. How can I make up for this grave mistake?”

 

“I don’t know, what you did was pretty damn egregious…” Dean smirked.

 

Jimmy took another sip, licking the at the drops of his drink from his lips. Maybe it was the booze that was slowly starting to numb him, but Dean was mesmerized by the action. Completely helpless as he watched the pink tongue dart out to catch the errant drops of liquid.  “I’ll accept every punishment,” he chuckled, with a playful glint in his eyes.

 

_ Damn.  _ He knew what he wanted to offer as punishment, or would it be a reward? Dean chastised himself and playfully tapped his chin in thoughtful contemplation. “You asked for it. Your punishment? You have to watch all of the Twilight movies without complaining…”

 

Jimmy shuddered visibly, “That’s harsh, Dean. Couldn’t I read the telephone book instead? It would still be a better love story.”

 

Dean laughed outright. The tingling he was feeling was no longer thanks to the alcohol. There was something about Jimmy, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but if he wasn’t careful; Dean could easily see himself developing too much of an attachment. “Okay, you get a pass this time…”

 

Jimmy held his hand against his chest and exhaled deeply, “That’s very generous… Okay if you think about the perfect day… what would it look like for you?”

 

“We bein’ serious now?” Dean asked, half-tempted to say something like time travel back to the 80’s with Scott Bakula.

 

“You can answer honestly if you want. I would prefer it. I like getting to know you,” Jimmy smiled before he tried to hide it behind his glass.

 

No adult man had any right being freakin’ cute, but that was the only appropriate word in Dean’s whiskey addled brain. “My perfect day? Honestly? Just hop into Baby and see where the road takes us, maybe try to find every ‘world’s largest’ tourist trap in the country. Did  _ you  _ know, we have the world’s largest ball of twine in Kansas?”

 

Jimmy slowly shook his head, looking totally amazed, “I did not know that… but why?”

 

“Why not?” He challenged.

 

Jimmy squinted his eyes, “Does the largest cat on Earth live here to play with it?”

 

Dean chuckled fondly, “You’re a dork. Somethin’ else we learned about you…”

 

“This is fun, Dean…” Jimmy took another sip, “I think I would really like to see that ball of twine.”

 

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment, “Alright.” He stood up and pulled Jimmy to his feet, “Let’s go…” And in a drunken and unbalanced attempt at movement, their legs tangled and they collapsed against the couch, Dean landing unceremoniously on top of him. Laughter erupting from his chest, he dropped his head to Jimmy’s shoulder as he tried to contain himself.

 

He could feel Jimmy chuckle against him before his arms wrapped around Dean to hold him close. His voice sounded breathy and low, “Maybe you shouldn’t drive when you can’t even walk.”

 

“Point. Too bad you don’t have wings…” he teased.

 

He could feel Jimmy’s stubble against his cheek when the other man leaned his head against him, “On the other hand that would probably look ridiculous and would be very unpractical for lying down on this couch.” 

 

Dean lifted his head to look at Jimmy, “All you’d need is a harp and you’d be set…”

 

“I don’t have a harp,” Jimmy suddenly said, his voice sounded darker and somehow robotic. The moment after he said it, he looked surprised at himself. He slowly shook his head, “I have no idea where that came from.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow, the weird thing was, when Jimmy said that, he had the most overwhelming sense of déjà vu. “Any flashbacks?”

 

Jimmy shook his head, “No just a feeling that you said something like that to me before and I responded in such a way. Like déjà vu… Weird.”

 

What the hell was happening between them? Dean silently protested the movement, but extricated himself from Jimmy’s embrace and sat up on the couch. “I felt that, too,” he confessed quietly.

 

Jimmy sat up too, sliding closer on the couch, his knee pressed against Dean’s leg, “Since I’ve met you I’ve had this feeling that I know you somehow. I feel a deep running trust towards you and… Remember when I asked you if you felt like something was missing in your life? I mean, I obviously miss my memories, but other than that there is this sensation deep within me, that I have lost something much more important, but when I’m with you… it’s gone.”

 

Dean was kind of at a loss for words. While Jimmy’s words terrified him, he understood. Hell, he felt it when Jimmy grasped his shoulder. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe they were both crazy. Dean lifted the sleeve of his t-shirt and grabbed Jimmy’s wrist, “Grab my shoulder again…”

 

Jimmy hesitated, looking afraid, “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you again.”

 

Dean nodded, “Do it.”

 

When Jimmy carefully placed his fingers over Dean’s mark, instead of the weird tingling connection he felt earlier, he was suddenly struck with an onslaught of images. He was suddenly chained, midair, in a dank and darkened pit, iron piercing through his flesh, helpless, hopeless; crying out against the pain for anyone to just  _ hear  _ him. Flashes of utterly demented torture at the hands of some skeevy dude, pain and blood, and lots of it.

 

Dean gasped when Jimmy let go of him. He touched his own shoulder in a daze and stared at Jimmy with wide-eyed trepidation, “The fuck was that?”

 

“You saw that, too?” Jimmy asked with a mirrored freaked out expression.

 

He grabbed the bottle of Jack and took a swig straight from the bottle, “Yeah… yeah I did.”

 

“That was you… in Hell…” Jimmy breathed out quietly, “But even if such a place existed, you’re alive…”

 

“Yeah, cuz apparently you rescued my ass…” Dean shook his head in dismay.

 

“But… did you die? Did you have an accident?”

 

“Pretty sure I’d remember dying…” Another swig of whiskey and he handed the bottle to Jimmy.

 

Jimmy took a large swig from it, frowning deeply before he gave the bottle back to Dean. “Should we try again? See if there’s more? Something that makes more sense?”

 

“I kind of don’t want to ever feel that again, man…”

 

Jimmy sighed deeply, “I don’t blame you. That was horrifying.”

 

Dean was freaking out a little. What the hell was going on? It couldn’t have been a coincidence that he found Jimmy. They somehow knew each other and Jimmy had powers and he’d had a normal life twenty four hours ago! A boring, lonely life, but a normal one where things that go bump in the night were only in fairy tales and horror flicks. “Shit, man. I don’t know what to do here…”

 

Jimmy took his hand, intertwining their fingers before he squeezed, “Do you believe… I don’t know… that we could have met in a past life?”

 

“Man, at this point, I’m open to any explanation. Maybe? I don’t know… this is too big, we gotta get help…”

 

“Do you want to try Frank again?” Jimmy asked softly.

 

Dean shook his head, “Fuck no. There’s uh… there’s this psychic just outside of town. Maybe she can help?”

 

Jimmy titled his head, “You know very strange people. And yes, I did include me.”

 

Thankful for the levity, Dean chuckled, “Yeah, well, weirdly enough, you’re one of the more normal ones…”

 

“Well that can’t be true,” Jimmy chuckled lowly, still holding his hand.

 

“I wasn’t even joking…” Dean smiled, grateful for the anchor. 

 

“I’m weirdly relieved hearing that,” Jimmy responded with a soft smile, his thumb rubbed over the back of Dean’s hand.

 

This was wrong, yet weirdly right. The comfort Jimmy was providing was so much more than that. Dean let out a sigh, his emotions were starting to get the best of him. “I uh… I’m tired. I think I need to catch some z’s before we go hunt down that psychic…”

 

Jimmy nodded, “That’s a good idea. I’ll watch over – ” Jimmy shook his head and blinked, “I mean, I should probably sleep, too.”

 

Dean caught the slip but chose to ignore it. “If you want, you can have my bed. I can crash here…”

 

“That won’t be necessary. I can sleep here. Go to bed, Dean. Don’t worry about me.”

 

He didn’t have the energy to argue. With a solemn nod, Dean let go of Jimmy’s hand and made his way to his bedroom. Before he closed the door, he stared at Jimmy for a few moments, too physically exhausted to mentally process everything that had happened. He gave the guy a slightly awkward half-smile and said, “Night, Jimmy.”

 

“Good night, Dean.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean was laying in his bed, tossing and turning, trying to process everything because sleep was eluding him. It had been one hell of a day. Found a guy in the middle of the woods, butt ass naked, terrified, and completely memoryless. Trying to figure out who he was, and then finding out dude has abilities. Like one of the fucking x-men. 

 

And on top of all of that shit, as if that wasn’t all weird enough, there was this electric current between them. A connection he hadn’t felt with another person in a very long time. Not since Lisa. What was worse, their connection felt so much more real, substantial, concrete than anything he’d ever experienced. So, on top of yet another facet of the mindfuck that was this day, he was feeling irretrievable guilt over the fact that he  _ did  _ feel this bizarre connection with a complete stranger and so quickly.

 

But Jimmy wasn’t really a stranger, was he? It didn’t truly feel that way. The fucked up images and flashes of a past that may or may not have existed between them. The way his fingers itched to touch, to draw him closer. The way he got lost in a unending blue depths that looked up at him with such earnest, such curiosity, such affection.

 

Honestly, the eyes alone should have clued him into the fact that Jimmy wasn’t human. Dean had never seen eyes that blue in real life. There was something between them. It terrified and exhilarated him all at once. And again another wave of guilt. As though he were doing a disservice to the memory of his time with Lisa. 

 

Dean groaned in frustration into his pillow. Despite every single one of those thoughts and emotions, he just kept drifting back to the way Jimmy’s hand felt under him, on his, in his. The way he bit his lower lip when he was nervous, or feeling freakin’ shy. Dean wanted to know what it felt like to bite that lip, what it felt like to trail his fingers over other parts of Jimmy’s skin, what that deep, sex-line operator voice sounded like screaming his name.

 

As his cock started to harden in his boxer briefs, he repressed another groan, but definitely not due to frustration this time. A part of him was dying to take himself in hand, it had been far too long since he’d gotten off, but there was this ever looming dirtiness that was seeping in. Dude that you want to jerk it to just so happened to be in the other room, said dude also might be a freakin’ angel. That meant Jimmy could potentially hear what he was doing, or with their weird connection, possibly even feel it. Dean wasn’t about to take that chance.

 

“Fuck…” he hissed in the darkness of the room, trying to quell his thoughts and the reactions they were evoking was shifting from frustrating to downright painful.

 

Maybe he should. Maybe he should just throw caution to the wind and give himself some sort of relief. Hell, he might be able to sleep afterwards.

 

Like a damn teenger, he snuck his hand under the waistband of his underwear and tugged on his dick, slowly starting to stroke it, but paranoidly casting quick glances at the door, like someone would walk in at any moment. Dean felt a little stupid, but shit, the possibility that Jimmy may or may not know exactly what he was doing was both nerve-wracking and one hell of a turn-on.

 

As he gripped himself, using his precum to slicken his strokes, Dean tried to focus on different images to further fuel his arousal. Different celebrities started invading his mindseye, different actors and actresses he found attractive, but it wasn’t doing anything. Finally he focused on imagining fucking someone.

 

Soft skin under his touch, bodies gyrating together in a fevered and frenzied pace, sweat slicking the coordination, breathing heavy and hot with desire, with need. Soft gasps, heady moans, grunts and overall the deep seated urge to lose yourself in another body. The person in his fantasy had always been faceless, but as Dean’s pace started to quicken, smaller details started to become more defined. 

 

A sea of unmarred skin started developing little imperfections; like scars, body hair. As the head was thrown back in ecstasy, the hair color of his imaginary partner turned darker and darker. Suddenly he was staring in the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. Dean bit his lip to contain the desperate moan that was threatening to escape as a rippling of pleasure coursed through his body. It wouldn’t be long.

 

He breathed out a quiet, “Jimmy…”

 

Just as he was about to completely succumb to orgasm, there was a soft knock at his door. Dean yanked his hand away and cursed softly. Arousal instantly replaced with panic, with fear. Shit, Jimmy probably could feel it, or could… fuck!

 

Dean called out a rough, “Yeah?”

 

The door slowly opened and Dean was greeted by worried blue eyes, that just seconds ago were starring in his fantasy, “Are you okay?”

 

He scrubbed a hand over his face and took a deep breath, “Yeah, I’m fine. What’s wrong?”

 

Jimmy appeared confused, “You called me. Shouldn’t I ask that question?”

 

“Dude, I never called you…”  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.  _ Clearly the guy  _ did  _ have superhuman hearing. He was grateful for the darkness of the room being able to cover the heat burning his cheeks.

 

“Are you sure?” Jimmy scratched his head, “I’m sorry… um… Maybe I’m starting to hear things. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

 

Great, now on top of being a pervert, Dean felt like an asshole for lying to the guy. How the hell did you have that conversation, anyway?  _ Oh, yeah, you totally heard me saying your name as I was jerking off to the image of me balls deep in a fucking angel, or, well, possibly an angel…  _ Dean took a deep breath, “Look, uh… you aren’t hearing things I… Shit.” Dean moved to sit up against his headboard, “I said your name, but I wasn’t calling for you…”

 

Jimmy tilted his head, obviously trying to understand what Dean was saying. He frowned before he carefully asked, “So… do you need me for anything?”

 

Dean’s traitorous libido perked up at such an innocent sounding offer. He shook his head, “No… I’m uh… I’m okay…” He tried to not grimace at the way he was stuttering like a prepubescent kid around his first crush.  _ You are acting fucking ridiculous, Winchester. _

 

“Good,” Jimmy seemed indecisive, “I’ll go back to sleep then… If you need me for anything just… you know where I am.”

 

Dean nodded mutely, an awkward half-smile on his face. He rubbed his chin, trying to hold his jaw shut so he wouldn’t do something stupid like ask Jimmy to stay. When the door closed quietly behind Jimmy’s retreating form, Dean let out a breath of relief.

 

Until Jimmy knocked on his door again.

 

“Come in…” he called out weakly.

 

Jimmy peeked into the room, “Sorry again… um… can you sleep?”

 

Shit, Dean might have been able to if he could get off, but that was becoming less and less likely, between the superhuman hearing of the guy he was harboring a super inappropriate attraction for, and now the disruptions; Dean was more wound up than a fucking clock. “No, not even a little…”

 

Jimmy fiddled with his fingers, biting his lower lip, “I could help you... if you want.”

 

Dean swore his heart stopped beating. There was no fucking way the guy was offering what he thought, hoped, prayed the guy was offering was he? It was wrong, it was so wrong, but apparently all of the blood in his body was still in his dick instead of his brain as he nodded, “Uh, sure…”

 

Jimmy quietly made his way over to Dean and sat down on the edge of the bed, “Give me your hand.” He held out his open palm and gave Dean a wide eyed and innocent look.

 

Dean awkwardly reached over with his left hand because it just felt dirty to put the hand he had just been stroking his cock with in Jimmy’s. “Uh… so what are you gonna do?” 

 

“Help you relax,” Jimmy mumbled with a concentrated frown on his face. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand, squinting his eyes at his hand as if he was seeing something Dean couldn’t see. When his hand started to glow faintly Dean could feel warmth spreading through his body, his muscles started to relax and feel heavy on the bed. He yawned before he could stop it. Jimmy smiled at him, “That should help.”

 

Dean stared at him in amazement, “What did you do?”

 

Jimmy shook his head slightly, “I can’t explain it. I just know how to do these things. Like I know how to breathe or walk. I can see the parts of your muscles that are tense, or the areas where you’re in pain. And I just… make it go away… I think I also sank your cholesterol level… you should rethink your choices in food.”

 

Dean regarded him in surprise, “You fixed my cholesterol?” Shit, now he felt even worse about the whole jerking off to Jimmy’s image thing.

 

“Yes…” Jimmy answered tentatively, “Shouldn’t I have?”

 

How was he supposed to answer that? Dean shrugged, “Honestly, I’m not sure. I mean, it’s not like it’s a bad thing…”

 

Jimmy chewed on his lower lip again, which started to really get distracting, “I just don’t want you to get ill.”

 

Dean turned his hand over, basically holding onto Jimmy’s now, “You’re sweet. A little weird, but a good kind of weird…”

 

Jimmy tilted his head again, before he smiled softly and carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, “You should be able to sleep now. I should… go.”

 

“What about you? Are you having trouble sleepin’? I know that nightmare kind of fucked you up…”

 

Jimmy looked away, “Sadly that neat trick doesn’t work on myself for some reason… Don’t worry, I’m sure I will fall asleep at some point.”

 

He knew he shouldn’t do it, alarm bells were ringing and the sound system kept alerting a screeching ‘abort!’ repeatedly in his head, but Dean apparently had no qualms disregarding it. “If you want, you can sleep in here with me. Bed’s big enough…”  _ Goddamnit, Winchester. _

 

“Are you sure that’s… okay?” Jimmy asked with wide, nervous eyes.

 

Nope. Worst idea in the history of ever. Dean nodded, “Yeah, it’s fine, maybe having someone nearby will help both of us…” Pathetic, veiled excuse. Dean was going to Hell, although, maybe he’d already been...

 

“Okay,” Jimmy breathed out. He looked like he was just short of having a heart attack.

 

Dean pulled the covers down and moved over to the other side of the bed, the poor guy looked like he might not be able to stand up and walk to the other side. While he felt weirdly nervous, too, Dean was more exhilarated at the prospect of staying close to Jimmy. His presence made him feel calm.

 

Jimmy tentatively slid under the covers and although his presence had a calming effect on Dean, he could feel that Jimmy was the exact opposite of calm. The guy was stiff as a board.

 

Dean chuckled, “Dude, if this is weirding you out, I can go sleep on the couch.”

 

Wide eyes and a resolute head shake answered him when Jimmy turned his head to look at him, “No, I’m okay. I just a need a moment.”

 

“Sure, sure. Anything I can do? I mean, I can’t mojo your stress away…” Damnit, why the hell couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?

 

Jimmy bit his lip again, a sign Dean knew by now meant that he was debating whether or not he should say something, “Actually… you can… you did earlier today… but…” Jimmy didn’t finish his sentence. Even in the darkness of his room Dean could see that he was embarrassed.

 

Dean chuckled and moved to sit up on his knees, “Turn over.”

 

Jimmy shifted on the bed and turned to lie on his stomach. His voice sounded muffled through the pillow, “Thank you…”

 

Dean smiled, “You’re welcome.” He moved to straddle the back of Jimmy’s legs as he proceeded to massage the tense muscles. Without even thinking, he asked, “Can you take your shirt off?” And Dean froze. He hadn’t meant to ask that, it was just… Shit, it was better to massage the skin directly. 

 

Jimmy braced himself on one elbow, reaching behind himself with his other hand to grab his shirt and pull it over his head. His hair was pointing in every direction when he got the shirt off, pushing it to the side of the bed where it slid over the edge and fell to the ground.

 

Dean was wrong, the shirt being off  _ was  _ the worst idea in the history of ever. The guy’s naked back was causing Dean’s brain to short circuit, to such an extent he almost forgot the reason he was there. Taking a deep breath, he pressed forward and pushed his palms into Jimmy’s lower back, using his thumbs to press along the spine as he worked his way up. Thankfully the indecent moans were being muffled by the pillow, but it still was affecting him. Little tingles traveled up through his hands with each touch and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was due to their weird connection, or simply because of his attraction to Jimmy.

 

When Dean found a knot and pressed in to work it out, the pillow was no longer doing it’s job of keeping those damnable sounds quiet. Dean managed to reach the guy’s shoulder blades before his dick started to get hard. Quickly, he moved off of Jimmy, “Uh… there you go…”

 

Jimmy turned around on the bed, his eyes glazed over, looking very relaxed. He gave Dean a soft smile, “Thank you. Are you sure you don’t have magical powers? Because it feels that way.”

 

Dean stared at him kind of dumbly. The guy was pretty much physical perfection personified. Hard and soft in all the right places. A weird tattoo just below his ribs. His fingers twitched, the urge to reach out stifling. He shook his head, “I’m sorry, what?”

 

Jimmy followed Dean’s gaze down to his tattoo. “I have a tattoo… I didn’t notice that before.”

 

Thankful for the distraction, Dean asked, “Do you know what it is?”

 

Jimmy braced himself on his elbow to get a better look. He frowned, his fingers tracing the weird symbols in the same way Dean wanted to touch him before. “It’s a language. It says something about being hidden from the holy…” He squinted his eyes and mumbled, “also the creation like myself, the first in the mercy of Heaven…” He shook his head, “It says that I’m warded against angels and it implies I’m one of them.”

 

Jimmy looked up at Dean, his expression unreadable, “I guess that’s a pretty explicit clue.”

 

“Shit. How the fuck do you know it says that? Just looks like a bunch of squiggles.” Damnit. He just felt up an angel. He just jerked off to the thoughts of an actual fucking angel. Dean scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed.

 

“Like I said, it’s a language. I can read it…” Jimmy rubbed his hands over his face in frustration, “Fuck.”

 

“Do you know other languages?”

 

Jimmy shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”

 

Dean scratched his head, “Shit. I don’t know any languages, I couldn’t even try to quiz you if you did. Man, this is kind of crazy.” He moved to sit cross-legged and face Jimmy, “So, an angel on Earth, no memories, what the hell does that mean?”

 

“If we also factor in that I’m obviously warded against other angels, that might mean I don’t want anything to do with them, right? Maybe I was cast out of Heaven?” Jimmy looked unsure as if he didn’t believe his own assumption, “Fallen angel… isn’t that a common theme in literature and movies?” 

Before Dean could say something Jimmy suddenly sat up straight, “Tu as des beaux yeux. Du hast schöne Augen. Je hebt mooie ogen.  Ir hobn sheyn aoygn.  Hai dei bellissimi occhi. Anata wa utsukushī me o motte imasu.... Okay… ” he breathed out, “I think that might answer your question whether or not I speak other languages. I think... I speak all of them.”

 

Dean felt like he was going crazy, how the hell was this his life? “So, you were either booted or ran away from Heaven, know every language, can heal things, and branded me… Fuck. This is way above my pay grade…”

 

Jimmy gave him a pained looked, “I’m so sorry to have pulled you into this mess.”

 

Dean gently grasped his forearm, “I told you, you don't need to apologize. I'm just… I'm kind of at a loss for what to do.”

 

Jimmy looked like he was on the verge of tears, when he bit his lower lip hard, “I just want to be normal.” 

 

Dean pulled him into a brief hug, and as he drew back he gave Jimmy a smile, “Normal is overrated.”

 

That actually made Jimmy smile for a moment. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and looked away, “We aren’t doing a good job with the whole planning to sleep thing, are we?”

 

Dean chuckled, “Apparently, but we should try. I know we should probably try to figure this shit out, but without knowing… shit,  _ anything,  _ it's not like we can do much at five in the morning…”

 

Jimmy nodded, “I actually feel drained now, so I should be able to sleep… Thank you, Dean.”

 

He slid down on the bed, turning to his side that faced Dean and rested his head on his elbow.

 

Dean mimicked his action and propped his arm under his pillow as he rested his head against it, “Night…”

 

“Good night,” Jimmy mumbled, giving him a soft smile. It was the last thing Dean saw before he instantly fell asleep.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The first thing Dean was aware of was he hadn’t felt this relaxed and well rested in… ever. The second thing he became aware of destroyed his relaxed state instantly. Jimmy was lying in his arms, his hand rested on Dean’s chest and something very hard and long was pressed against his leg. His own morning wood was just inches away from Jimmy’s. 

 

Jimmy still seemed to be asleep, if the deep and undisturbed breathing was anything to go by. The soft strands of his hair tickled against Dean’s nose and Dean had to really restrain himself from burying his nose into Jimmy’s hair.

 

What was he doing? There was a good chance Jimmy was a real life freakin’ angel. His mind was telling him that he shouldn’t feel attracted to the guy, but his heart was telling him otherwise. It was all so damn confusing. He had met him a little over twenty four hours ago and yet he felt like he’d known Jimmy for a lifetime. Maybe he was his guardian angel. Dean nearly snorted with that thought. 

 

He felt slightly guilty when he tried to pretend waking up like this was the result of having sex the night before. He wasn’t kidding himself. Angel or not, Jimmy was very attractive and at that moment, he seemed more than human.

 

Jimmy made a soft noise and shifted closer, pressing his erection even closer to Dean’s. Dean held his breath.  _ Fuck.  _ He had to do something. This had the potential to get really fucking awkward if Jimmy woke up.

 

Maybe if he turned them around on the bed he could get away? He tightened his grip around Jimmy’s still bare chest and carefully turned them around. Jimmy made a quiet protesting noise and pulled him closer as soon as he was lying on his back, effectively trapping Dean, sprawling him over the other man.  _ Shit. _ Now his morning wood was pressed entirely against Jimmy’s. 

 

He tried to shift away, but it caused him to accidentally rub his dick against Jimmy’s, which elicited a soft moan. Jimmy pulled him even closer as he buried his face between Dean’s throat and shoulder.  _ Shit, shit, shit. _ The worst part was that he was still horny, had been since last night and this situation wasn’t making it any better. He decided to wait for a moment, so he wouldn’t accidentally wake Jimmy.

 

Dean leaned back slightly to look at him. His lips were slightly apart, his sleeping face looked incredibly young and innocent. Something tugged at Dean’s heart, a profound sensation of sadness when he looked at Jimmy like that. This weird connection feeling… the longer Dean thought about it, the less sense it made. He remembered everything about his life. He would have remembered Jimmy if he met him before. And still, some huge part of him was a hundred percent sure that he knew him. Maybe they really had met in another life. If angels existed, maybe it was possible to also be reborn…

 

It was fruitless to think about it. He hoped a trip to Missouri would help them get some answers. But first of all, he really had to find a way to get out of Jimmy’s death grip. The guy had some serious strength in those perfect arms. Dean rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. This was not the moment to think about how attractive Jimmy was. 

 

He nearly groaned when Jimmy suddenly shifted and again rubbed his erection against Dean’s. The soft noise escaping Jimmy’s perfect, inviting lips didn’t help at all.

 

“You're gonna be the death of me…” he whispered to the sleeping form. He gently grasped Jimmy’s hand on his side and pulled it off, having enough leverage to pry himself from the guy’s vice grip.

 

Dean was a decent guy, but he wasn't a fucking saint, and he gently cupped Jimmy’s face. Another tingle shot through him, a weird sense of familiarity. Like they'd done this before, but not in this context. More of a reverse. Dean shook his head and after a beat, finally drew away from him.

 

While he wanted nothing more than to let the guy sleep, it was now past noon and they'd need to get a move on if they wanted to try and get to the bottom of what was happening. 

 

Dean gently shook his shoulder, “Jimmy?”

 

Jimmy groaned and turned his back to Dean; he even pulled his arm up to cover his face.

 

“Come on, sleepyface, we've gotta get up.” Dean leaned over him a little and shook him again.

 

He got a muffled, “No,” as a response.

 

Dean laughed, “Don't make me dump ice water on you…”

 

Jimmy sat up and gave Dean a shocked, disgruntled look, but the effect was drastically reduced by his bedhead. His voice sounded like he had gargled with rocks, “You would do something like that?”

 

Dean grinned, “Bet your grumpy ass I would.”

 

Jimmy fell back in the bed and rubbed his hands over his face, “I had such a nice dream and I’m still tired.”

 

Dean grinned, “I'm glad it wasn't a nightmare.”

 

Jimmy glanced at him through his fingers with a smile, “Yes, me too. Looks like you were right about sleeping in the same bed.”

 

He hadn't really thought about it, but it had been the most restful sleep he'd gotten in years. Everything about this man was fast unraveling every normal aspect of his life, and Dean wasn't entirely sure that was a bad thing. Unable to refrain, Dean ruffled the already messy locks on the guy’s head, “I'm gonna let Bones out and make some coffee, would you like some?”

 

“Oh, yes,” Jimmy practically moaned, before he more or less stumbled out of the bed. He looked around in confusion before he spotted his shirt on the ground and pulled it over his head, not without getting caught in the sleeves for a moment, struggling with it before it slipped into place.

 

“Dude, you're either an angel or a toddler, not sure which right now…” he teased.

 

“I think the word you are looking for is ‘tired’ or ‘sleepy’,” Jimmy grumbled with a pout.

 

Damn, he was pretty freakin’ adorable. Dean shook his head. Apparently he was in full on high school crush mode and had to refrain from groaning at his own stupid thoughts. “Come on, the sooner you're caffeinated, hopefully the less grumpy you'll be.”

 

Jimmy squinted his eyes at him before he nodded and followed Dean into the kitchen. Bones greeted Jimmy enthusiastically, jumping up and down, wagging his tail. “Good morning to you too, Bones.” He bent over to stroke over his head before he looked up at Dean, “He needs to go in the garden.”

 

“Damn, that's a seriously awesome trick.” Dean hunched over and patted his knees as he addressed Bones in an overexaggerated tone, “Who's my good boy? Who just asked to go outside to piss?” Bones barked at him and Dean chuckled as he let the dog outside. Turning back to Jimmy he smiled, “I think I'm actually gonna miss that stupid mutt…”

 

“When will your brother take him back?” Jimmy asked quietly.

 

“Got him for another week, then it’s back to being a bachelor I guess.” Damn, that was a depressing thought.

 

Jimmy was very quiet suddenly, sitting down at the table with a thoughtful look on his face.

 

“You doin’ okay?” Dean asked as he proceeded to fill the coffee pot with water.

 

“Mmh?” Jimmy murmured as he looked up at Dean in confusion. “Um… I’m okay.”

 

“Okay, just checkin’. You seem kinda spacey…”

 

“What if the psychic confirms that I am, indeed, an angel? That would mean, there’s no identity waiting for me out there. And it would also mean…” he bit his lip and looked away, not finishing the sentence.

 

After pouring the coffee grounds in the filter and turning it on, he turned to face Jimmy, “Also mean what?”

 

Jimmy sighed deeply, “That I don’t have a home.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow, “There's no expiration date on you crashing here, Jimmy. I told you you can stay as long as you need to, and I mean what I say.”

 

For a moment Jimmy just stared at him before he shook his head in disbelief, “Why are you doing this? You don’t even know me.”

 

“Remember when you told me you had this weird trust in me and you weren't sure why?” 

 

Jimmy nodded, “Of course.”

 

Dean wiped his hands on a dish towel, “I feel the same way. Kind of did out the gate. And since I tend to go with my gut, figured there must be a reason for it. So, yeah. That's why. Not to mention you promised you'd do my dishes and no fucking way am I giving that deal up without a fight…”

 

Dean hadn’t even finished talking when Jimmy had gotten up from the table and pulled him into a tight hug. He pressed his face into Dean’s throat, his voice was nothing more than a muffled whisper, “Thank you, Dean.”

 

Carding his hand through Jimmy’s hair, Dean had to repress the contented sigh that was threatening to erupt from him. He’d never been much of a hugger, but there was something about Jimmy. Finally, after the hug lasted probably too long to be considered platonic, Dean pulled back. He chucked Jimmy’s chin and grinned, “Come on, let’s get this road on the show…”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

They finally got to Missouri’s place a couple of hours later. The quaint little house still looked the same as he remembered it when he was a kid. He’ll probably never forget his first encounter with her. Dean had been dared to ding-dong ditch her house. A stupid, childish prank. He hadn’t made it up the first step before the door swept open and Missouri stood there, hands on her hips in true motherly fashion.

 

“Boy, I know you aren’t plannin’ on ringing this doorbell…” she’d chastised before ushering him inside her house to call his Dad.

 

Dean chuckled to himself over the memory. Jimmy gave him a funny look and he waved it off. It wasn’t the time. Dean knocked on her door, feeling a little nervous. It had been a long time, hell, what if she didn’t even remember him?

 

Missouri opened the door, Dean smiled, but there appeared to be no recognition on her face. Before he could try to explain who he was and why they were there, she reared back to smack Dean upside the head.

 

“Dam –”

 

“Boy, I know you don’t plan on finishin’ that sentence…” she warned.

 

Dean rubbed at the spot she struck, “Hey, Missouri…”

 

Folding her arms against her chest, she regarded him with a quirked brow, “I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you since you were a child and all I get is a ‘hey’? You can do better than that, Dean Winchester.”

 

Nodding, he stepped in close and pulled her into a hug, “Good to see you again.”

 

Missouri smiled as she drew back, “And your friend, oh…” Her eyes raked over Jimmy’s form, eyes widening in a sort of awe. “Now this is somethin’ new. Do you know what you are, sugar?”

 

“That’s why we’re here, “ Jimmy answered hesitantly before his fingers reached out and gripped the hem of Dean’s shirt. 

 

Missouri gave Jimmy a kind smile. “I know. Come in you two. Lemonade?” she asked as she stepped inside her entryway, waving both of them in.

 

Dean nodded, “Sure, thanks.”

 

Jimmy only reluctantly let go of Dean when they followed Missouri to her kitchen. Dean could feel the nervousness radiating from him, the way his body seemed to be in fight or flight mode. 

 

“Good Heavens. Sugar, you’re gonna make me faint with all of your anxiety…” Missouri placed a comforting hand on Jimmy’s forearm. She turned to Dean, “Take him into the parlor, I’ll be with you shortly.”

 

Dean grabbed Jimmy by the elbow and started guiding him through the entryway into the parlor, before gently pushing the guy onto the couch. Dean sat next to him and whispered, “Why are you so nervous?”

 

Jimmy gave him a long look, “I’m afraid she’ll confirm my suspicion about not being human.”

 

“Well, yeah, I mean… Are you hoping you’re psychic or something?”

 

Jimmy shook his head, “I would prefer anything to being some sort of mythical monster. I just want to be human.” 

 

Dean patted Jimmy’s thigh, “We’ll figure it out, okay?” It was weird how much he believed that. If Jimmy did turn out to be some kind of creature, Dean still had no intention of turning him out on his ass.

 

Jimmy tried to give him a smile to hide his nervousness, “At least I’m pretty sure I’m not a unicorn.”

 

Dean sighed, “Dude, all I can think of is inappropriate horn jokes now…”

 

Jimmy snorted and looked away for a moment, “I’m also pretty sure ‘rainbow’ isn’t my color.”

 

Missouri chose that moment to join them, carrying a tray of glasses and a pitcher of lemonade like a perfect polite southerner. Dean stood up to take the tray from her, to which she thanked him before taking a seat in the chair across from them. 

 

“So, what’s your – Dean, use a coaster…” She regarded him with an expectant look.

 

_ Freakin’ stupid know-it-all, psychic divas… _ Dean moved to grab a coaster and Missouri snapped,

 

“And don’t you call me a diva…”

 

“I didn’t…”

 

“You thought it,” Missouri countered. Shit, that was really a mindfuck. 

 

“And stop your cussin’.” 

 

Dean had no argument for that, so he nodded dumbly and poured three glasses of lemonade, trying to not think anything embarrassing.

 

Missouri turned her attention back to Jimmy, “What’s your question?”

 

“You can’t tell?” Jimmy asked, who had quietly watched the exchange between them so far.

 

She shook her head, “That’s what makes you so interesting. I can’t hear anything comin’ from you. Just sensations. I feel power comin’ off you, a lot of power. But it’s your aura that’s even more fascinating…”

 

Jimmy looked down on his hands, his voice was quiet, “Can you tell me what I am?” 

 

Missouri tilted her head slightly, looking him over, “I’m not sure. Whatever you are is not completely human. Mostly, but not completely…”

 

Dean waved his hand in expectation, “What does that mean?”

 

“It means what I said it means…” She moved to sit on the coffee table in front of Jimmy, placing a hand over his chest, just hovering without contact, “There’s something in you, something pure and powerful.” Drawing back she smiled, “Whatever it is, it’s not evil. I’ve seen evil, you give off nothing but a… goodness is the best way I can think to describe it.”

 

Jimmy chewed on his lower lip, “So… I’m not human?”

 

“You listen as good as Dean does. You are human, sugar, just mostly…” Missouri looked over Jimmy’s face, “There’s a part of you that’s hidden, interesting…”

 

“What?” Jimmy asked with wide eyes, his hand reached over to Dean again, but instead of grabbing his shirt he just covered Dean’s hand.

 

“Whatever happened to you, it’s being protected from you,” She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath, “For you… Why you tryin’ to poke that tornado?”

 

Jimmy rubbed his hand over his face, “Because I don’t even know my name… And also…” He looked at Dean with a pained expression for a moment, “There’s this strange connection between Dean and me that we don’t understand. Like we know each other from somewhere.”

 

Missouri turned to look at Dean then, her calculating and curious gaze making Dean feel more naked than if he’d dropped trough right in front of her. “Dean, honey, hold his hand for a moment…”

 

Dean hesitated, not from a lack of comfort, or even a lack of familiarity. While Jimmy was dying to know the answers to what was happening to him, between them; Dean wasn’t entirely sure he  _ did  _ want to know. He kind of didn’t want to know if there was something behind their connection, because then he might have to acknowledge just how damn real it was. Finally, he grabbed Jimmy’s hand and intertwined their fingers, giving the guy an awkward half-smile.

 

Missouri touched their joined hands before drawing back just as quickly, “Whatever is in you, it’s reaching for Dean’s soul… And your soul is reacting. I do believe you two know each other, but I’m not able to sense where or when this bond was forged.”

 

“How is that possible? Dean told me, he never met me before,” Jimmy shook his head slightly, his fingers tightened around Dean’s hand.

 

“Not in this life, no. At least not until he met you the other day. But your aura and his soul are reaching and reacting and I ain’t ever seen anything like it.” Missouri stood up and approached the bookshelf behind them. She grabbed a bowl and what looked like some weird plant and other potpourri kind of stuff.

 

As she began mixing the bizarre ingredients in the bowl, she said without looking up, “I think you know where you’ve met before, you’ve seen it with your own eyes…”

 

“I dreamed about Dean although it seemed more like a memory instead of a dream,” Jimmy told her tentatively. 

 

Missouri looked up then, “It was a memory. That much I can tell you. But not from this life. From another life.”

 

“So, what you’re telling us is that we are, what? Born again? That doesn’t explain why I can’t remember anything before yesterday,” Jimmy sounded sceptical, but the way he chewed on his lip told a different story.

 

“Now, you mind your manners. I know you’re frightened, but there’s no need…” She moved back to her chair, “You aren’t born again. You’re in another realm, some might see it as more of a parallel universe and since you’re a visitor, the trauma from falling through such a time rift might have impacted your memories.”

 

Jimmy sat back on his chair and rubbed his hand over his face, “Okay, let’s for a moment presume this is all real, even though it sounds like science fiction. Would it be possible for me to get my memories back?”

 

“Whatever is protecting you from them, is doing so for a reason. You think about that, something is keepin’ them from you, so why would you want them back?”

 

Jimmy tilted his head, “If you woke up naked in the woods with no recollection of your past, could you honestly say you wouldn’t do everything to try and understand who you are?”

 

Missouri shrugged in acquiescence and finally shook her head, “No, I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t try. I can’t retrieve your memories, but what I can do is tell you: pay attention to your dreams. They hold the key to those answers you seek.”

 

“Okay… um… Dean?” Jimmy gave him a questioning look and nodded at Dean’s shoulder.

 

Dean sighed and let go of Jimmy’s hand to pull up the sleeve of his shirt on his left shoulder. Missouri’s eyes bulged, “That’s… You marked Dean.” It wasn’t a question. 

 

“It was an accident. I don’t know what happened. I just touched him,” Jimmy quickly clarified, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

 

“No…” Missouri breathed out in assured awe as she approached them again. She hovered her palm over the handprint, “No, you didn’t do it intentionally either time…”

 

Dean shook his head in confusion, “Either time?”

 

“Your connection was forged without intent, but because of this, whatever dimension you are, you would find each other…” Missouri turned to Jimmy, “You feel this innate desire to protect him, don’t you?”

 

“Yes…” Jimmy breathed out.

 

“That’s because of this bond. I’ve never seen anything like this. Most connections are not capable of transcending planes and universes. Whatever you are… my, you are powerful.”

 

“Powerful enough to rescue someone from Hell?” Jimmy asked quietly.

 

Missouri nodded, “Yes.”

 

Dean was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed, pulling his sleeve back down he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, “So, I did go to Hell?”

 

“Not in this life, like I said. Please stop makin’ me repeat myself…” she chastised.

 

Jimmy leaned over to Dean, grabbing his hand again, “If I rescued you from there, it could only mean you didn’t belong there in the first place.”

 

Here they were, Jimmy a lost person trying to find answers to his missing identity and past, and he was trying to reassure Dean that he wasn’t such an asshole that he belonged in Hell. Dean chuckled, “You’re somethin’ else, dude.”

 

“I think we’ve established that,” Jimmy replied dryly.

 

Dean had never wanted to kiss another person as much as he did in that moment. He shook his head of his inappropriate thoughts. When Missouri gave him a pointed look, an amused smirk on her face, Dean could actually feel his cheeks turn red.

 

Thankfully, she interrupted the moment, “I can’t retrieve your memories, but I can put a crack in the theoretical wall that’s holding them back. If you’re so insistent, I can do that much for you; but don’t come cryin’ to me when you don’t like what you see…”

 

Jimmy nodded with a frown, “I’m sure from the glimpses that I got from my dreams that they aren’t very pleasant memories. But they are mine and I want them back. I appreciate your help.”

 

Missouri gave him a slight nod as she grabbed the bowl she had prepared earlier. She mumbled a few words Dean couldn’t understand over it, before she grabbed Jimmy’s hand. Missouri kept chanting, and whatever she was saying caused a weird light to emit through the fingers of their intertwined hands. Jimmy’s eyes went wide before he started shaking, almost like he was having a seizure.

 

Dean was starting to panic, Missouri kept chanting and mumbling, grip firm on Jimmy’s hand. Before he could even think, he grasped Jimmy’s shoulder to try and steady him. Dean was struck with flashes of colors, waves and waves of every color in existence flashing around him. He could hear Missouri’s voice echoing in his ear, but instead of a language he didn’t understand, he heard her mumble in english,

 

“When you find your name, will the wall start to crumble piece, by piece…”

 

Dean gasped and that’s when everything came back into focus, back in the parlor at Missouri’s, watching her take a few deep breaths of her own. He turned his attention back to Jimmy, hunched over with widened eyes, and suddenly it struck Dean. Everything came into focus, the name that had been echoing in his own subconscious since the moment they met.

 

Dean reached out and touched Jimmy’s hand, voice shaky and slightly out of breath, “Cas?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3! Almost there, guys! Thanks for bearing with us. <3<3

_ There is a house built out of stone _

_ Wooden floors, walls and window sills _

_ Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust _

_ This is a place where I don't feel alone _

_ This is a place where I feel at home. _

  
  


_ “Cas?” _

 

Cas looked up at him in surprise, “Dean… that’s it… that’s my name. Cas. Castiel… But Cas…”

 

Dean felt a tremor of excitement accompanying his bewilderment, like getting closer to opening a door that had been locked. He shook his head in confusion, “How did I know that?”

 

Missouri tutted disapprovingly, “Because someone’s dumb butt had to go grabbin’ his friend by the shoulder while I was crackin’ his mental wall. And because of your connection, you felt his aura and feelings…”

 

“Wait… all those colors were his aura?”

 

Missouri nodded and moved to get up, “Yes, that’s why I knew he was somethin’ else the second I laid eyes on him. He was surrounded by nothin’ but colors…”

 

Cas tilted his head and pursed his lips as he looked at Dean, “Seems like unicorn is still on the table.”

 

Dean barked out a laugh, “That or your aura was having a gay pride parade…”

 

“There you go, now, Castiel. Piece by piece the wall will crumble and you will start to remember more and more. You might not like what you see,” Missouri warned again.

 

Cas nodded, “I’m aware, but it’s still better than not knowing… And I also have Dean to help me through this…” He turned to face Dean as if the last part was actually a question.

 

Dean gave him a reassuring smile, “You know it.”

 

Cas squeezed his hand and mirrored his smile. They probably would have stared at each other even longer if Missouri hadn’t cleared her throat, “You should drink your lemonade, boy.”

 

Chuckling nervously, Dean grabbed the glass and took a big gulp. After carefully placing the glass back on the coaster, he gave her a smile, “Thanks for your help, Missouri…”

 

She moved to stand, waving for Dean to follow her, before drawing him into an embrace, “You be safe and don’t leave it so long between visits, ya’ hear?”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Thoughts were blurring past almost as fast as the fields they were zooming by in Baby. Dean wasn’t sure how to process all of the information they’d just learned. Cas. Castiel. Now that he thought about it, the name Jimmy felt wrong, twisted, a mimicry of what his strange friend was. It wasn’t so much a mindfuck because of the name itself, but also because Dean  _ knew.  _ Dean was the one to gasp it out for the first time, as though it had been there all along.

 

Dean had been so out of it, he’d missed the turn to get home. A part of him didn’t want to drive home. This unsatisfied itch to run away from whatever the realities of Cas’s situation were… because if they continued to rip through this proverbial wall, there was a good to fair chance that neither of them would like what they saw.

 

He tapped his hand in awkward arrhythm on the steering wheel, unable to keep up to the beat of Neil Peart’s drums. A nervous habit. It had been a few years since he’d had to deal with something he had no idea how to process. Dean was at a loss for how to react, so he did the only thing he could. Drive.

 

Dean attempted to cast quick glances in Cas’s direction, making eye contact with the guy almost every time and refocusing on the road.  _ Goddamnit, stop being such a damn girl.  _ Thankfully he wasn’t the one to break the tense silence. 

 

Cas cleared his throat a little, “I don’t even know what to think... Is there a book on how to react when you find out you’re in an alternative timeline, might be an angel with no memory, and have a strange connection to someone you’ve just met, but it feels like you’ve known him for a lifetime?”

 

Feeling a little grateful that he wasn’t alone in his fears and confusion, Dean chuckled and nodded, “Oh, yeah, I’m sure. Cuz this happens  _ all  _ the time to  _ so  _ many people…” 

 

Cas smiled at that, “I bet you can buy cards saying, ‘Sorry for coming from another dimension with no memory and turning your life upside down’.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that section at a Hallmark store…” Dean grinned. He moved to pull over on the side of the road. His focus wasn’t where it needed to be. Dean killed the engine and turned to look at Cas fully, “So, what do we do now?”

 

Cas rubbed his hand over his face and sighed deeply, “Take it one step at a time? I don’t know.”

 

As if by kismet, Dean’s cellphone rang. He sighed and pulled the device out of his pocket. Noting Jody’s number, he then scrambled to answer it. “Jody, hey!”

 

_ “Hey, Dean. Got some bad news. Your pal Jimmy is not a missing person. At least, not in any of the local databases… I can check it again in a week, see if there’s any updates…” _

 

Dean nodded, making pointed eye contact with Cas, “Yeah, sure, that’d be great.”

 

_ “I can also check the nationwide database… I don’t know how a naked, memoryless man would have gotten to the backwoods of Kansas without being noticed, but…” _

 

“Yeah, I get it. Couldn’t hurt, right?”

 

After checking in with Jody, making sure she was doing okay, Dean hung up and dropped his phone on the dash. He took a deep breath, “So, that was Jody. You aren’t a missing person as of right now…”

 

“I can’t say I’m surprised with our latest revelation. I mean, apparently, I just fell from the sky,” Cas stated dryly.

 

“Maybe you’re here to interfere in one of the Royals’ games?” Dean suggested. Either they were the most well-adjusted people on the planet, or the craziest; making jokes about Cas being a freakin’ angel.

 

“I’ve never played baseball before,” Cas shrugged, “But who knows?”

 

Dean laughed. How was this his life? “Well, now that we sort of know who you are, are you gonna try to find others? Figure out what happened?”

 

Cas looked at his folded hands in his lap, hesitating before he answered, “No.”

 

“Okay… Uh… Shit, dude. I don’t even know what to do here.”

 

“Maybe we could eat something. I’m getting hungry,” Cas suggested with wide blue eyes.

 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, I could really use a piece of damn pie…” He started Baby and pulled back out on the road, heading straight for the diner with the best pie in the state. “It’s just… it’s weird, you know? I feel like doing these stupid human things are probably like… beneath you or some shit.” He said as he checked over his shoulder before merging into the next lane.

 

“Missouri said I was part human too and no matter how much everything points to the fact that a part of me is different… I still  _ feel  _ human. I don’t  _ want _ to be different from you. I don’t know if it’s too much to ask, but I wish to not be treated differently,” Cas gave him an imploring look before he gave Dean a soft smile, “And I really like eating.”

 

Dean chuckled, as much at Cas’s admission as at himself for overthinking everything. “Human I get… Human I can do…” His eyes widened at the double entendre and tried to frantically amend what he said, “I just… I meant that uh… fuck. I know how to do human things…” Dean had to refrain from slamming his head against the steering wheel.

 

Cas tilted his head in obvious confusion. Apparently the double meaning went straight over his head. “Good,” it sounded like Cas wasn’t sure how he should respond to Dean’s awkward stumbling.

 

Dean decided to change the subject, “What human things do you want to do? We have the whole weekend…”

 

“Maybe you could show me around?” Cas suggested. 

 

Dean shrugged, “Yeah, we could do that… I mean, this is a podunk small town, not much to really see…”

 

“Did you grow up here?”

 

He nodded as he turned onto the road where the diner was, “Whole life. I’ve uh… I’ve actually never been outside of Kansas…”

 

Cas frowned and shifted in the seat so he could look directly at Dean, “That’s strange since you love driving so much.“ 

 

“I don’t have to drive out of state to drive, you know? I don’t know, just never seen the need to leave I guess…” Damn, the more he thought about it, the more he realized just how boring he was.  _ No wonder Lisa…  _ Dean shook his head, that was the last thing he needed to be thinking about.

 

Cas reached over to grab his hand, “I didn’t want to upset you. I'm sorry.”

 

Dean pulled into the parking lot and found a spot, periodically staring down at the hand holding his. He let go of Cas’s hand to put Baby in park and let out a deep breath, “You didn’t upset me. Just a bad memory, okay?”

 

“You lost someone,” Cas stated more than asked.

 

“How do you know that?” Dean felt incredibly uneasy. Shit, could Cas hear his thoughts? 

 

“I can sense your pain and I recognize the feeling as loss. I’ve felt the same feeling in my heart since I woke up.” Cas’s eyes widened suddenly, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Dean waved it off, more than ready to drop this subject right fucking now, “It’s fine, let’s just get some food, yeah?” He pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the door, halting momentarily as Cas just kind of sat there. “You comin’?”

 

He could see in Cas’s expression that he was battling with himself whether he should say something more on the topic but, luckily for Dean, Cas decided to just nod and follow him out of the car.

 

They entered the small diner, alerting the staff with the obnoxious bell ring above the door. A larger woman with a kind smile and bags under her eyes greeted them. She grabbed a couple of menus on her way to them, “For two?”

 

Dean nodded and followed her as she walked them to a booth near the back of the restaurant, handing them each a menu as they sat down, “Your server will be with you both shortly, in the meantime can I get you somethin’ to drink?” She had the type of drawl that was warm and welcoming, clearly from one of the more southern states.

 

He offered her a warm smile, “Coffee for me…”

 

The waitress, Veronica according to her name tag, turned and gave an expectant look to Cas, “And for you, darlin’?”

 

“Coffee for me, too. Thank you,” Cas replied without hesitating.

 

She gave them both a kind smile before heading back behind the counter. Dean sighed, he didn’t like this awkwardness between them. 

 

Cas grabbed Dean’s hand on the table and squeezed it, “Are you alright?”

 

Dean nodded, “No, yeah. I’m fine, Cas. How uh… how are you doin’?”

 

Cas smiled, “I finally know my name and it feels good… right to hear you say it. I still don't have all the answers and I certainly hoped to hear something different from Missouri, but for the first time since I woke up, I feel hopeful that everything will be fine. Thank you, Dean.”

 

He couldn’t help but smile, his eyes darting downward at their intertwined hands on the table. Dean hadn’t been all that into public displays of affection before, but he was weirdly comfortable with it when it came to Cas. Veronica chose that moment to return with their drinks. She gave them both a warm smile, “You two are a cute couple…”

 

Cas looked as though he were about to correct her misunderstanding, when Dean gave her an overly huge grin, “Thank you, we hear that all the time…”

 

She chuckled, “I bet you do, okay, your server will be with you shortly.”

 

Dean gave her a wink and when he looked at Cas, he seemed a little confused, “You okay?”

 

“You told her we’re a couple…” Cas actually looked shy when he said the last word.

 

“Yeah, figured it was easier than trying to explain how we know each other. Besides, could be fun. We could create some crazy, out there, romantic back story…” Dean teased.

 

Cas looked flustered for a moment, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, “Since this all started, did the thought that we could have been together in this other life ever cross your mind?”

 

He'd never thought of that. It would honestly explain the inexplicable connection he felt to Cas. Dean shrugged, “I mean, it's a possibility, right? Shit, if it's possible you're an angel from another universe, I don't see how us being boyfriends in another life could be any weirder…”

 

“It would explain a lot,” Cas murmured into his coffee.

 

Dean nodded, at that point, it would be the least weird thing to have happened to him in the last few days. He took a sip of his own coffee and asked, “So, what do you think? If we were together in this other world, how do you think it happened?”

 

“Love at first sight,” Cas said without thinking. “I saved you from Hell and fell for you.” Cas looked up from his coffee and smiled, “That sounds like a plot from one of those romantic movies. An angel falling for a human and deciding to leave Heaven for him.”

 

Dean’s laugh morphed into a groan, “Ugh, that makes me Meg Ryan in this scenario doesn’t it?”

 

Cas gave him a half shrug and a smile, “Okay, how do you think it happened?”

 

“Well, clearly, if you rescued me from Hell, you probably broke ranks to do it…” Dean chuckled and unwrapped the silverware from the napkin as he continued, “So, maybe it was more of a Bonnie and Clyde thing. We were on the lam from Heaven and Hell, knockin’ over liquor stores and wreaking general havoc.”

 

Cas snorted into his coffee cup, trying to unsuccessfully stifle his laughter, “But in reality you were a hero, saving people from monsters like… unicorns… on our journey through the country... Saving people, hunting things…” He had whispered the last part, as if he remembered it from somewhere.

 

“The family business…” Dean breathed out, eyes widening with realization. He shook his head in confusion, “That’s what you were gonna say, wasn’t it?”

 

Cas nodded slowly, “Yes… No matter how often this happens, it’s still weird.”

 

Thankfully, at that moment their server arrived to the table, a cheery smile on her young, pretty face; shattering their weird moment. “Hey guys, I’m Mandy. You ready to order?”

 

Dean nodded, “I am,” he looked to his friend, “Cas?”

 

Cas looked pale for a moment and hurried to look at the menu, “I’ll take a burger… with fries.”

 

Dean smiled, “Same for me, thanks. Oh, and a piece of your apple pie.”

 

She wrote down their orders and grabbed the menus, “Comin’ right up.”

 

Although he had been grateful for the brief distraction, Dean was now feeling weirdly awkward around Cas again. Their moments of levity were constantly being disrupted by the reality of their kind of messed up situation. No matter how much Dean wanted to ignore it and enjoy the company of his new friend, this darkness was looming over them. It really sucked.

 

“Dean?” Cas touched his hand again.

 

Slightly distracted, Dean turned to look up, “Huh?”

 

Cas gave him a reassuring smile, “It doesn’t really matter what happened in some alternate timeline life, does it? I mean, we’re  _ here _ now… I’m trying to see it as a new beginning.”

 

Dean shrugged, “I guess?”

 

Cas tilted his head, “You’re not sure?”

 

“It's not that, it's just… Doesn't it weird you out? I'm kind of trying to process everything.”

 

“Of course it ‘weirds me out’. But I… I don’t know… I can’t change that there’s something strange going on, that I don’t really understand. But I don’t want to be controlled by this… it’s hard to explain… I don’t want this to drag us down. Especially you.”

 

“I like you, Cas,” he blurted out. Dean’s eyes widened, he hadn't meant to say that. He wasn't sure what had come over him, why he felt this need to be honest with the guy. Maybe the fact that everything about their connection was creating this sense of security, of safety. Dean started to internally chastise himself.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. The hell is your malfunction, Winchester? _

 

Cas’s smile brightened the whole room, “I like you, too. A lot.”

 

He swore his heart started beating faster, suddenly understanding the shy glances Cas kept giving him. Dean returned the smile, feeling a bizarre combination of giddy and terrified, “That’s uh… that’s awesome.” Damnit, what the hell did Cas see in him?

 

Cas bit his lower lip before he tried to hide his shy smile behind his coffee mug, “I didn’t mean to say it out loud like that.”

 

Dean chuckled, “Well, if it makes you feel any better, neither did I…”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him, a soft smile playing around his lips, “It does… and I’m glad you did.”

 

There was a sort of thrill with the idea of treading into this uncharted territory. This was a guy Dean had only known for a couple of days, despite feeling like they’d known each other their entire lives. A guy that was very likely an actual, honest-to-god angel, magic powers and everything. Someone who had made his heart beat a little faster, something he never thought he’d be able to feel again. It was crazy, reckless, utterly irresponsible; and yet it still felt right. “This is crazy, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes,” Cas nodded, but he smiled brightly, as if being crazy was a good thing.

 

Shit. Maybe it was. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

As they walked back into Dean’s house, being bombarded by a whirlwind of fur and licks from an overexcited Bones, Cas dropped down to play with him. Shoving playfully and making the dog bark in excitement. Dean couldn’t help but watch fondly. It had been a long time since there had been so much life in his house.

 

Dean hung their coats up on in the hall closet, “Will you take him outside? I need more coffee, I could make you some, too?”

 

Cas looked up with a smile, “Yes, thank you.” He stood up and walked to the patio door, Bones following him, wagging his tail and jumping up and down like a bouncy ball. He stilled when Cas laid his hand on his forehead and opened the door for him. 

 

To Dean’s surprise, Bones didn’t run outside as soon as the door was open, but waited for it until Cas retracted his hand. Cas gave Dean a quick smile, “I’ll go outside with him for a moment.”

 

Dean nodded dumbly and moved towards the kitchen. Since their confession in the diner, they’d been nervously skirting the issue, talking about everything and nothing. He needed to preoccupy himself, to take his mind off of the reality of their situation, but more than anything to distract himself from the guilt he was feeling.

 

He knew he was being stupid. It had been years. Lisa would want him to try and carve himself a little piece of happiness. Dean shook his head of his saddened reverie and made a pot of coffee. He was so distracted, when he went to grab a spoon from the dishwasher, one of the upturned knives sliced his finger.

 

“Fuck!” Dean shook his head at his own stupidity. Sammy had always told him to put knives blade down in the damn dishwasher, but of course he couldn’t listen. He grabbed a paper towel and wrapped it around the digit. It was bleeding profusely, “Shit.”

 

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas suddenly asked from the doorway, looking worried. “You’re bleeding…” 

 

“Yeah, I’m a dumbass. I’ve gotta grab the first aid kit, coffee’ll be just a minute, okay?” 

 

Dean didn’t get far when Cas walked up to him and gave him a questioning look, “May I?”

 

Dean quirked his brow in confusion, “Huh?”

 

Cas carefully pushed away the paper towel from his still bleeding cut before he rubbed his thumb over it and the cut was gone, “Better?”

 

Cas was still holding his hand and they were standing incredibly close, the tension between them multiplied tenfold when their eyes met. Dean’s breath caught in his throat, feeling paralyzed by the unending blue depths. Like a moth to a flame, he was drawing closer, as though he’d lost complete control of his body. Dean cupped Cas’s face with his clean hand, thumb caressing the man’s cheek as his eyes raked over a face he swore he could stare at forever.

 

Suddenly their moment was interrupted by the obnoxiously loud ring tone as his phone went off. “Heat of the Moment.” It must be Sammy. Dean stepped back with an aggravated sigh and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Yeah?” he barked impatiently into the device.

 

“Woah, who pissed in your cheerios?” Sam greeted him.

 

Dean relaxed a little, “How’s Limeytown?”

 

“Rainy, but the museums are free, so we’re having a lot of fun. How’s Bones? Is he still alive?”

 

Dean laughed, “You’re a dick. Yes, he’s alive, he’s currently terrorizing a family of squirrels from the looks of it.” He leaned up to look out of the small window in the kitchen that faced his backyard. He was surprised to see that Cas was in the garden again. He hadn’t noticed the guy left the room. He seemed to be just standing there, staring at the sky.

 

“Dean? Are you even listening?”

 

“Huh? What did you say?”

 

“I told you that Charlie wants to speak to you, too. He’s been making grabby hands for the phone since I called you,” Although Sam sounded tired, Dean could practically hear him smile through the phone. 

 

He heard some rustling and hushed voices before his nephew Charlie had obviously gotten ahold of the phone, “Uncle Dee! We saw a dinosaur today. He was huge, but he was also dead and just bones.” The kid giggled, “Good that Bones is at your house. He would have eaten the dinosaur.”

 

Dean chuckled, “He sure woulda! Do you know what kind of dinosaur?”

 

“Yes, I know all the names. I wanna be a pale-ontolo-gist,” Charlie had pronounced the last word very slowly, so he wouldn’t make a mistake. “It was a brontosaurus. They also had a t-rex and velociraptors.” 

 

“That right? What's your favorite?”

 

Charlie made a long, indecisive noise, “Pterodactylus…. Or maybe… ankylosaurus... I can’t decide. But those are pretty cool. But uncle Dee! Do you know what Ginny bought in the gift shop? She bought a stuffed unicorn! That is  _ so  _ lame. My t-rex will eat the unicorn.”

 

“Hey, don’t knock unicorns, they can be pretty cool, too.” Dean smiled fondly as he watched Cas continue to stare upwards. A butterfly flew around his head and he reached out, the insect landing on his open palm. 

 

“It has glitter on its a--” 

 

“Charlie Winchester!” Sam and Jess’s voices echoed in the background.

 

“ – backside,” Charlie finished.

 

Dean laughed, “Hey, you don’t know that dinosaurs didn’t have glitter on their asses, too…”

 

Charlie giggled and Dean could hear him repeat that to his sister in the background. Apparently he had dropped the phone. Sam picked it up again, “It’s me again. So just checking in if you’re good. Anything interesting happen while we’ve been here?”

 

Dean smiled, “Actually yeah. I uh… I’ve met someone.” He tried to not think about how easy it was for him to say that out loud.

 

For a moment Sam was quiet before he burst out into a stream of excited questions, “Really? Is it someone I know? Is it serious? How long have you... Where... What’s her name?”

 

“Slow down, spazz! One question at a time!” Dean chastised, chuckling softly at his brother’s excitement.

 

“Okay, okay, but I’m so happy for you. It’s about damn time… Okay who is this person who stole your heart?”

 

“Damn, Sammy, slow your roll. We met a couple days ago, it’s not that serious yet. His name is Cas.”

 

“That’s an unusual name. Is it short for something?”

 

“Yeah, uh… Castiel. Bones sure seems to like him.” Dean chuckled as he watched his brother’s dog repeatedly fetch the ball Cas was throwing in between playing with several different flying insects.

 

“Is he there with you now?” Dean could hear the smug grin in Sam’s voice. 

 

“Yeah, and before you accuse me of anything, we haven’t even kissed yet.”

 

“But you want to,” Sam stated more than asked.

 

Cas turned around as he followed the flight of a few bees, a huge grin on his face. Dean was pretty sure he’d be content to see that smile every day for the rest of his life. “I definitely want to.”

 

He could hear Sam excitingly exchange some words with Jess before he asked, “So, who is he? Does he live in town?”

 

Ah. The questions he was dreading. While his brother was far from judgemental, how the hell do you try to explain that the guy you’re into is an amnesic person you found naked in the woods and are now housing to help him gain his memories back? Dean wasn’t even going to try to go into detail about all the other shit they’d found out about him. “Uh… about that. Um, shit. You’re gonna think I’m nuts…” 

 

“Dean, what have you done?” He knew that type of worried tone, it wasn’t the first time he was on the receiving end of it.

 

Well, no point in beating around the bush, “He uh… he kind of doesn’t remember who he is. I found him in the woods, without his memories. I’ve been helping him get his shit together to the best of our abilities…” Dean inwardly cringed in preparation of his brother’s reaction.

 

“What do you mean he lost his memories? Have you been to the police, or the hospital? Wait, didn’t you say his name is Castiel?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. We did the due diligence. He’s slowly remembering stuff, including his name, so uh yeah. He’s not a missing person, or a criminal. Something happened and he forgot everything in his life, but he knows what everything is. I uh… I kinda don’t know how to explain it.”

 

“And he’s living with you?” Sam asked again.

 

“For the time being? He didn’t want to go to a homeless shelter and I offered so…”

 

Sam was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about what he should say, “Dean… I don’t know about this, man. You’re obviously in a better position to judge, but… is that safe? You’ve known him for just a couple of days and he doesn’t even know who he is… Do I need to be worried?”

 

“No, man. I can’t explain it, but there’s something about him. I trust him. It feels like we’ve known each other forever. I mean, how soon after you met Jess did you feel like you could… I don’t know, move fuckin’ mountains?”

 

Sam chuckled quietly, “Instantly. You know it was love at first sight between Jess and me. But let me just ask one thing. Are you sure that Castiel feels the same way for you? Or is he just grateful for having a place to stay?”

 

Dean didn’t know how to answer that. While a part of him was staunchly convinced whatever he was feeling was reciprocated, Sam awakened a tiny voice of doubt. Maybe Cas had misplaced his feelings for Dean, confusing a gratitude for kindness, for something akin to romantic attraction. “Shit. I don’t know. It feels real…”

 

“Dean. I really hope this is real. God knows, you deserve it. But don’t rush into it without being sure. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

 

Dean nodded, even though his brother couldn’t see it, “I know, Sammy. I just… There’s something about him.”

 

He could hear his brother smile, “That’s the same thing I said about Jess. Maybe I should let you go back to him then.”

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle, “Enjoy the miserable weather and buck-toothed citizens!”

 

“Be nice or you don’t get a souvenir,” Sam said before he hung up on him.

 

“Bitch,” Dean said to the quiet of the kitchen. Shaking his head in amusement, he looked out the window again, noting that Cas was still outside. Dean took the opportunity to watch him for a few minutes, blissfully uninterrupted. 

 

Cas looked up and they made eye contact. Dean nodded for him to come back inside and proceeded to finish getting the coffee brewing, before his bloody encounter with a sharp object had waylaid him. By the time Cas came back to the kitchen, the machine was bubbling as it slowly brewed.

 

Dean smiled at him, “Have fun, Dr. Doolittle?”

 

Cas chuckled, “I can assure you that animals don’t talk like that. But yes… I had fun.”

 

“Sorry about that, by the way. My brother’s in England at the moment, so there’s a small frame of normal human time for him to call…” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to apologize, Cas didn’t seem annoyed or anything. Judging by the confused look he received for the apology Cas didn’t understand it either.

 

“There’s no need to apologize. How is your brother?” Cas leaned next to him against the kitchen counter, his arm touching Dean’s.

 

“Good. Apparently there’s a bunch of free museums in London, the kids are in nerd heaven.” Dean’s fingers itched to reach out and touch. Man, was he screwed.

 

Cas chuckled lowly, “What’s a nerd heaven?”

 

Dean smiled, “For people who love learning? Places like museums and libraries and shit… I shouldn’t be surprised, their parents are both Stanford alum, so of course those kids love learning. What kind of five year old knows what a paleontologist is anyway?”

 

Cas gave him a long look and a soft smile, “You’re very proud of them.”

 

“Hell yeah I am. Would have sucked if Sammy was as dumb as his older brother…”

 

Dean received a pointed look for his answer before Cas grabbed Dean’s hand, “Do you have plans for the rest of the day?”

 

“Nope, so we can do whatever you want.”

 

“Would you show me where you grew up?” 

 

Dean grinned, “I can do you one better. Wanna see if my parents are free for dinner?”

 

Cas bit his lip, looking down for a moment, “What would you tell them about me?”

 

“What do you mean? That you’re possibly an angel from another universe? Yeah, probably not a great way to open a conversation,” he chuckled as he responded.

 

Cas grinned before he adopted a shy expression again, “I would love to meet them. I hope they like me.”

 

“There are two things I know for certain; one - Bert and Ernie are gay. And two - my parents will freakin’ love you.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Mary had been as excited as Sam when Dean called asking if he could come over for dinner and if he could bring someone. Hell, he almost couldn’t get her off the phone. It had been a few months since he’d last seen his parents. Between his work schedule and theirs, it just never seemed like a good time.

 

When they pulled up to his childhood home, Dean was struck with a warm sense of nostalgia. He’d always felt safe at home, even as an adult. He killed the ignition and turned to Cas, “So, uh… They think you’re my date.” He knew it was probably best to figure out as much as they could as far as explaining their relationship before going in.

 

Cas worried his lower lip, before he hesitantly asked, “Do you want me as your date?”

 

And it was now or never, the time to make a decision as far as how he wanted to address his feelings for Cas. It was a surprisingly easy decision. “Yeah, I do. But uh… I gotta ask, I know you like me, but is it more to do with the fact that I’m helpin’ you? It’s okay if it is, it’s just… If that  _ is  _ the case, it would probably be a terrible idea. I don’t want you to feel obligated or anything.”

 

“I'm grateful that you’re helping me, but that’s unrelated to my feelings towards you.” Cas answered after a moment, “I would like to be your date.”

 

Dean couldn’t help the grin that split his face, he felt like the high school kid who’s crush agreed to go to prom with him, or some such corny bullshit. And then his mood was dampened by the realization, he couldn’t introduce Cas to them as an amnesiac that he’d rescued. It would draw a lot of questions and he really wanted them to like Cas. “Uh, how comfortable are you with lying?”

 

“Depends on the situation. Is this about my memory loss?”

 

He nodded, “Yeah, not that I think my folks would be dicks about it, but it’s kind of a lot of shit to unload on them. Especially for their first time meeting you.”

 

“I agree. We could say that I'm new in town because I start work at Benny’s next week. And since I haven't found a place to stay, you offered yours. That’s very close to the truth.”

 

“And the best lies are always partly true.” Dean was incredibly relieved. For more than one reason. “Well… are you ready to meet the Winchesters?”

 

“I'm a bit nervous to be honest,” Cas reached for Dean’s hand again.

 

Dean gave his hand a comforting squeeze, “Nothin’ to be nervous about. My mom is the kindest person I’ve ever met, and my dad is just a gigantic goofball. They’re pretty much the Cleavers. Well, if the Cleavers drank and swore.”

 

Cas still looked nervous, but at least he gave Dean a determined nod before he got out of the car. As soon as Dean stepped next to him, Cas grabbed Dean’s hand again and intertwined their fingers.

 

When they reached the door, Dean lifted his free hand to knock when it was swung open, his mom standing there with a huge grin on her face. She pulled him forward into a hug, “Dean! It’s so good to see you!” As she drew back she regarded Cas and pulled him into a hug, too. “You must be the young man Dean told me about!”

 

Dean had to bite his lip to refrain from telling her, no, he’d just picked up a random stranger on the way. Although, actually, that was almost true. “How are you, Mom?”

 

“Better now that you’re here, get your asses inside and I’ll grab you both a beer.”

 

Dean chuckled at her retreating form, he looked at Cas, who seemed a little dazed. “You okay?”

 

“Yes… I couldn't even say ‘hello’. Your mother is a whirlwind.”

 

Dean shrugged, “You get used to it. Dad balances her out.”

 

They stepped inside, the living room having never changed in thirty seven years. Decorated with dozens and dozens of framed family photos. The huge portrait still over the fireplace, a lame one Mary had dragged them into when Dean was ten and Sammy was six. One of those fake old west pictures, where they dressed in costume and posed in a fake saloon. One of these days Dean was going to find a way to destroy that photo. 

 

John Winchester was sitting on the couch, nursing a beer and watching reruns of Columbo. Dean chuckled, “Haven’t you seen every single episode of this shit at least fifty times, old man?”

 

His dad cried out a “sonofabitch!” before getting up from the couch, a complimentary grin to his wife’s own. John pulled Dean into a bear hug, before releasing his son and patting him on the back, “I’ve actually missed your smart ass comments, boy.”

 

Dean chuckled, “Gotta bring somethin’ to the table. Dad, I’d like you to meet Cas.” He turned to Cas, “This is my dad.”

 

John reached out his hand to shake Cas’s, “How you doin’?”

 

Cas quickly shook the offered hand with a warm smile, “It's very nice to meet you, Sir.”

 

Chuckling, John shook his head, “I’m not a knight or a drill sergeant. John is fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Dean, “I almost forgot what you looked like, Son.”

 

Dean gave him an apologetic look, “I know. Work’s been a bitch.”

 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” John moved to sit in his recliner, regarding Cas with a curious smile, “So, Cas, is it? You feelin’ neglected by this workaholic yet?”

 

Cas smiled and squeezed Dean’s hand before Dean pulled him down to sit next to him on the couch. “We haven’t known each other long enough for that,” Cas explained carefully.

 

John quirked his brow, “How long have you known each other?”

 

Cas shot Dean a questioning look before he turned to John again, “Two days.”

 

Dean had to repress a laugh at the shocked expression on his dad’s face. The shock made way for a pseudo impressed expression, he smiled and turned to Dean, “And you’re already bringing him over to meet us?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes, “That’s not  _ that  _ weird, Dad.”

 

“I beg to differ, Son. It took you over six months to bring Li –”

 

“Okay! So, how’s your back? Still giving you problems?”

 

He’d never been more grateful that his Dad was quick enough to catch the plea in his voice. Tonight was not the night to bring her up. John went off on some tirade about bullshit worker’s comp physicians and Dean relaxed against the couch, resisting the urge to reach out for Cas’s hand. 

 

When his mom hollered from the kitchen for John to come help her, Dean turned to Cas as his old man left the room, “So, uh… That’s my folks…”

 

“They’re very welcoming,” Cas smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked worried.

 

“What’s up?” Dean asked, brow furrowed in concern.

 

Cas reached for his hand, “Is there something you don’t want me to know?”

 

_ Damnit.  _ Ex-talk was not good material for first dates; especially when he had such a damn hard time even thinking about it, let alone talking about it. “You're way too perceptive.”

 

“Thank you?” Cas answered with a lopsided smile, before he squeezed his hand, “You don’t have to tell me.”

 

Dean really was screwed. He let out a soft sigh, “It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just… I don't like talking about it with anyone.”

 

“Because it hurts you?” Cas asked quietly.

  
“I don’t know how to answer that…”

 

Cas shook his head, “Then don’t. It’s okay. I just don’t want you to be sad.” He playfully nudged his shoulder and gave him a shy smile.

 

Dean’s eyes raked over Cas’s face, lingering on the man’s lips, before slowly drifting upwards. Cobalt eyes, open and curious, a beautifully organic kindness. Moving to gently grasp Cas’s chin, Dean pressed forward, drawing closer and closer until they were centimeters apart. His eyes fluttered closed. The electricity between them was causing tiny shivers to tingle through his nerves. 

 

“Dinner!” Mary called out and Dean sighed as he drew back. He gave an apologetic shrug to Cas and they stood up from the couch to head into the dining room.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Thankfully the evening had gone on with relatively few embarrassing stories or moments. Not that he’d done much embarrassing shit in his life, but his parents were also unpredictable sometimes. But overall? Dean was a damn lucky man. Mary and John were great people. 

 

As he unlocked his front door, Bones came barrelling at them as they stepped through the threshold. Dean groaned as the mutt jumped up, his paw making contact with his groin. He pushed the dog off, a pained noise escaping him. 

 

Cas placed his hand on Bones’s head and he swore the dog looked downright guilty after that, wandering off at a more subdued pace. 

 

Dean took a deep breath and chuckled, “Did you tell him off for nut-checking me?”

 

“Not in so many words, but that about sums it up,” Cas grinned, putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, might be a woman now, but yeah…” Dean chuckled as he made his way to the couch, carefully sitting down, waiting for the wave of nausea to subside. He watched contentedly as Cas followed, plopping down next to him, their legs touching. Dean sighed and rested his head against the guy’s shoulder, “Did you have fun tonight?”

 

“Yes, thank you. They’re very nice,” Cas laid his arm around Dean and carded his fingers through his hair, “Are you tired?”

 

Dean hummed into the touch, enjoying the affection more than he ever thought possible. “Not really, you up for watching a movie?”

 

“Sure, do you have Star Wars?” Cas leaned his face against Dean’s head, burying his nose into his hair.

 

Dean feigned a scoff, “Do I have  _ Star Wars?  _ What do you take me for?” He was about to get up to go get it, but then thought better of it, enjoying their contact. “But the dvds are all the way over there.”

 

“That’s problematic,” Cas snuggled closer, “I don’t want to let you go.”

 

Dean curled into Cas a little more, “Then don’t.”

 

He could feel Cas pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head, his free hand that wasn’t carding through Dean’s hair found Dean’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Why does this feel so right?” he whispered after a moment.

 

Shaking his head, he murmured, “I don’t know…”

 

After a long moment of silence between them, Cas whispered his name against his hair, “Dean?”

 

“Mmm?” He murmured, enjoying the comfort of their position.

 

“Would you… I mean… um… I would really like to… kiss you.”

 

At that, the sleepy haze and contentedness dissipated, as the words Cas said registered. Dean moved to sit up, but as he did, their heads knocked together in an unpleasant and clumsy thump. Dean clutched his head in pain, watching Cas do the same. After a beat, Dean burst into laughter, Cas soon following, at the utter ridiculousness of it all.

 

As he steadied his breathing, Dean cupped the side of Cas’s face, “You okay?”

 

Cas nodded with a bright smile, “Our timing is the worst.”

 

Dean couldn't help but agree. Since he'd met Cas, his life had turned into a comedy of errors. And if he was perfectly honest? One of those goddamn Lifetime original movies, too. “Here, close your eyes.”

 

Cas still smiled and closed his eyes, one of his hands found Dean’s and held it.

 

Dean waved his free hand in front of Cas's face, satisfied he wasn't peeking when he didn't even bat an eyelash. Releasing the hold Cas had on his hand, Dean moved to kneel on the couch, grabbing Cas by the shoulders to gently turn him.

 

Cas's eyelids fluttered when his brow furrowed in confusion, but remained closed, smile still on his lips.

 

“Keep ‘em closed,” Dean whispered as he cupped Cas's face. 

 

It was strange how wonderfully liberating it was to stare at the man's face openly, to take in all of the details. The tiny little lines that creased his forehead, the way the dark lashes stood out against his skin tone, plush lips, especially for a man, that were slightly chapped. Cas was beautiful, there was no other way to describe him.

 

Cas's breath hitched when Dean started stroking his cheek with the pad of his thumb. It was almost too much.

 

The time and space that lingered between them seemed to heighten the electrical charge in the air. He could feel Cas start to fidget slightly under the scrutinizing gaze that he was presently blind to. Finally, with a shaky exhale, Dean closed the distance between them, capturing slightly chapped lips with his own.

 

It was chaste, no exploration, no charged passion. Just two people coming together for the first time. The kind of kiss that could create calm in a world upended by chaos. The kind of kiss that poets wrote about, because it was so much more than passion or lust; it was true irrevocable connection. When you're only half a person and finally become whole.

 

Dean drew back, smiling at the way Cas's eyes fluttered open, a surprised smile on his face. He felt weirdly shy in that moment, but then the guilt set in. Suddenly a wave of remorse struck. Even though it had been years, even though it made no sense at all, Dean felt a sadness wash over him. 

 

It wasn't right, feeling anything for Cas, not when he felt that his penance for how things ended with Lisa still hadn’t been made.

 

It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that he met someone that made him feel alive again, he didn't deserve it. Dean pulled away from Cas, ignoring the concerned look on his face. 

 

“I'm uh… I'm gonna get a drink, you want anything?” Dean's tone was strained, as he moved from the couch, heading for the kitchen.

 

“Yes, thank you,” Cas mumbled after a moment, his worried look changed into confusion. He followed Dean into the kitchen with a thoughtful look, “I didn’t want to upset you. I thought we wanted the same thing.”

 

Dean busied himself with grabbing some whiskey and the Coke from his fridge. He couldn't bring himself to face Cas, “We do. I do. I just…” Dean had no idea how to explain himself, no idea how to rectify his feelings.

 

“You’re not ready,” Cas stated as he handed him two glasses.

 

Dean took them and grabbed the ice tray from the freezer, “God that sounds even lamer when you say it out loud…”

 

Cas gave him a sad smile, “It’s true though. You suffered a great loss and you’re still hurt by it. I wouldn’t call that ‘lame’.”

 

“Do…” Dean faltered. There was so much that Cas seemed to know, either because of his weird powers, or maybe it was their connection, he couldn’t be entirely certain. After pouring the whiskey and Coke in each glass he turned around, handing Cas one of the drinks. “Do you know?”

 

Cas shook his head as he took it before they both sat down at the kitchen table, “I feel your loss, your sadness. I can do the math that you lost someone who was important to you.”

 

Taking a swig of his, more whiskey than Coke, Dean softly exhaled, “Her name was Lisa.”

 

For a moment a deep frown appeared on Cas’s face, before he looked at Dean, “What happened?”

 

The only people who knew what happened were his family and Benny. It didn’t stem from any sort of shame, or even a misguided pride in what was and was not appropriate to discuss openly. No, Dean’s reticence stemmed from this idea of needing to suffer in silence, because considering everything, he definitely had some self-worth issues. Dean sighed, “It’s kind of a long story.”

 

Cas sipped at the rim of the glass before he leaned back against his chair, “I have a lot of time.”

 

The kindness, the earnestness, and genuine empathy Dean saw in Cas’s eyes was enough to instill a surge of courage through him. Telling him was the right thing to do, better to end whatever was happening between them now before it got too serious. Hell, it was already too serious. 

 

Dean took a deep breath and another gulp of his drink before he began to explain exactly  _ why  _ he didn’t really have a right to be pursuing anything with anyone. “She was kind of amazing. Had this real lust for life, a firecracker, man. Lisa had this weirdly positive outlook, always willin’ to try something new, or scary. Our second date? We went sky diving. And I don’t do flying, man. Second date!” He shook his head with a small chuckle, he still couldn’t believe it.

 

“You loved her,” Cas stated with a sad smile.

 

“I did. I really did. There was just somethin’ about her. So, when she came clean about the fact that she was bipolar, I honestly didn’t think anything of it. I loved her. That meant you take care of that person, you know? Then the crazy mood swings started happening. She said her meds needed to be fixed, but I found out a few months after, she’d stopped taking them…” Dean took in a shaky breath, it had been a long time since he’d talked to anyone about Lisa.

 

Cas reached over and took Dean’s hand. Such a small gesture, something that could not necessarily be construed as anything really, but in that moment he felt it. Dean felt the sincerity and concern, and he hadn’t allowed himself to feel that sort of support from anyone in a long, long time. 

 

“She would have these crazy highs, and terrifying lows. One day she’d be dragging my ass to a freakin’ circus and try to free the animals, and the next day? I couldn’t even get her out of bed. It got so bad, I started seeing a shrink cuz I couldn’t deal. If I wasn’t exciting enough, she’d go out and party with random strangers, it was getting fucking difficult to deal with, but I did, you know? I even tried to get her to start taking her meds again…”

 

Another gulp of liquid courage and Dean pushed himself to continue, “Then during one of her lows, I just… I left her here cuz she wasn’t moving from the bed. I had work, I had plans with my folks. My life couldn’t just stop every time she couldn’t get out of bed, you know?” He let out a bitter laugh, unable to stop the tear from falling, “Famous last words, right?”

 

Cas intertwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the back of Dean’s hand, “Did she leave you?”

 

Dean flipped his hand over, palm to palm now with Cas, before entwining their fingers, “That’s one way of putting it.”

 

Cas squeezed his hand, his voice was quiet when he tentatively asked, “What happened?”

 

“She killed herself,” Dean blurted, feeling a little bad for being so blunt, especially the way Cas’s eyebrows shot upwards in shock. He continued, “Yeah, she didn’t run off with the circus, or any of the number of guys she cheated on me with. I came home to find her in the kitchen, hunched over against the fridge, her wrists slit and…” Dean let go of Cas’s hand and drew back, “There was so much blood. She’d probably been dead a couple of hours by the time I found her.”

 

“Oh, Dean,” Cas pulled Dean in his arms, burying his face against his throat. His voice sounded muffled, “I’m so sorry.”

 

As strong as he had been throughout the whole process of cutting open his damn heart and letting it bleed all over the place, Dean collapsed against Cas, finally succumbing to the tears. After a few minutes, he was finally able to compose himself, drawing back from Cas, wiping away at the streaks of wetness on his face, “I’m sorry, this is probably the worst shit to bring up on a date…”

 

Cas shook his head slowly and gave him a sad smile, “Don’t be. I want to be here for you. If there is anything I can do, let me know.”

 

“You barely know me, Cas.” Dean managed to choke out in a half-sob half-chuckle. He hated crying. It made him feel so vulnerable.

 

Cas rubbed his thumb over his tears, swiping them away, “Time seems to be irrelevant to what I feel." 

 

Dean could definitely get that – hell, there were coworkers he'd known for years who still had no idea what happened. The fact that he could so easily tell Cas and so soon, it was pretty damn remarkable. “You know a normal person would go running for the hills, right?”

 

“I think we’ve already established that I’m not normal,” Cas grinned, his thumb continued to caress his cheek.

 

Dean let out a sad sigh, “Why’d I have to meet you now?” It was a rhetorical question. It just didn't seem fair, he wasn't supposed to find someone, not yet, not ever. But that's what it felt like with Cas, whatever was happening could go the long haul.

 

“Maybe because we both need each other. Maybe so we both can get a new start,” Cas mumbled thoughtfully after a moment of long silence between them. 

 

Dean didn’t know what to say to that. It felt right and that’s what was fucking him up so much. The overwhelming guilt at the thought of moving on. “I… I don’t know if I can…”

 

Cas nodded after a moment, “This is all going very fast. Maybe you just need to give it time.”

 

It was weird, Dean couldn’t figure out why the thought of that hurt so much. That was exactly what he was hinting at, Cas was giving him the out he so desperately sought. So, why did it suddenly feel wrong? Feel like he was attempting to force the Earth off of its axis? “Why me, Cas? Why are you into me?”

 

“Even without this weird connection between us… this feels... right, somehow... I would be drawn to you, Dean. You knew nothing about me and yet you took me in and helped me. I feel safe with you, like you gave me something that I’ve been missing, like you make me complete, somehow.” Cas looked down at his other hand that was still intertwined with Dean’s, “I know it’s strange and I can’t even begin to explain it. It is what it is.”

 

Dean stared down at their hands, before slowly dragging his gaze upward. Cas’s eyes were shimmery, unshed tears creating an almost luminescence in the bright blue. “You terrify me, Cas.”

 

A tear fell from Cas’s eyes, his voice sounded broken, “Why?”

 

Dean wiped the tear from Cas’s cheek, “Because I’m pretty sure I could fall in love with you, and that terrifies me.”

 

Cas made a noise that sounded like a surprised sob before he inhaled a shuddered breath, "I can only hope that one day you’ll find it in yourself to face that fear. I'll do anything I can to help you with that."

 

More than anything he wanted to face that fear, too. He wanted to be brave enough. They held each other’s gaze for a few moments, until it all became too much, too intense. Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he dropped to the ground from the chair, grabbing Cas by his shirt and pulling him down with him. Before Cas could protest or even question, he crashed their lips together. This wasn’t the chaste, barely there kiss that had spiraled Dean down an emotional wormhole. This was Dean trying to be brave, trying to give this, give  _ Cas,  _ a chance.

 

The kiss was rough, hungry, their teeth clacked together, before Dean turned his head slightly, trying to get lost in the warmth of Cas. He arched off of the floor, pressing into Cas’s body, getting overwhelmed with a need he hadn’t felt in a long time. Their kiss lasted for hours, months, years. Dean had never been so completely consumed before.

 

As his hands started to roam downwards, their kisses getting shorter, rougher; the mood was instantly killed when Bones came up to them and started licking their faces. Dean groaned and shoved the dog away, “Bones! You freak!”

 

Cas started to laugh, rubbing his hand over his face where Bones had licked him, “He was just jealous.”

 

Dean’s head fell back against the tile, shaking his head in annoyance and slight amusement, draping the back of his hand against his forehead, “If it wasn’t kinda funny, I’d drop his ass off at the nearest shelter…”

 

Bones tilted his head and barked, wagging his tail and Cas looked away with a grin, “Maybe we could just relocate…”

 

Dean grinned, “Bedroom?” He then seemed to think better of the invitation, or at least its wording, “I mean, if you uh… if you want, we can totally stay clothed, like… we wouldn’t have to go that far, I mean if –”

 

Cas interrupted him with a soft kiss, “Don’t think so much.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

It was weird how nervous Dean felt, he’d never been nervous when taking any relationship to the next level. But, as usual, Cas seemed to be the exception to a lot of his rules. That’s how they found themselves, sprawled out across Dean’s bed, clad only in their underwear and a t-shirt for Cas, a tank top for Dean. 

 

In between bouts of kisses, that sometimes grew into full-on makeout sessions, they would face each other, heads against the pillows, just talking about any and everything. 

 

Dean had never felt more content. He carded his hand through Cas’s hair, enjoying the red color that was tinting his cheeks. “At least you remember how to kiss,” he teased.

 

Cas closed his eyes and leaned into his hand like a cat, “You just make it very easy.”

 

He chuckled, “Have you remembered anything else?”

 

Cas shrugged and shook his head slightly, “Just bits and pieces. None of it makes sense though. Most of it’s about you. Whatever we were in that other life, you were very important to me. That much I can tell from the things I’ve seen.”

 

“Maybe we were partners in crime?” Dean waggled his eyebrows. 

 

Cas chuckled lowly, his fingers drawing patterns over Dean’s arm, “We seemed to lead a dangerous life.”

 

Dean crawled his hand along Cas’s side as he pressed in closer, “Like I said, Modern day Bonnie and Clyde…”

 

Cas nudged his nose alongside Dean’s throat, kissing him behind his ear, “I think you were something like a… what did Frank call it? A hunter? You saved people.”

 

“And you were the angel on my shoulder?” He asked in a half-groan at the sensation of Cas pressing his lips against his pulse point.

 

“I guess,” Cas hummed before he nibbled at Dean’s earlobe. 

 

Sharply inhaling, Dean raked his nails down Cas’s arm before gripping tight, “Although, I’m not entirely sure you were the  _ good  _ angel…” 

 

Cas drew back and looked at him with wide eyes, “What makes you say that?”

 

“You’re in bed with a guy you met two days ago, that scream angelic to you?” Dean smirked before moving against Cas, gently furling his fingers into dirty brown locks, pulling his head back to suck a hickey into the side of his neck.

 

Cas moaned, his hips arched from the bed as he tried to get them even closer. "Who knows. Maybe angels are dicks," he tilted his head to give Dean better access to his throat.

 

Letting out a soft groan, he started trailing kisses downwards, getting impeded by a poly-cotton blend that caused Dean to growl softly. “That sounds about right…”

 

Cas wrapped his arms around him, one of his hands slipped under his shirt, trailing the skin softly along Dean’s spine with his fingers. “You were probably right about me not being a good angel… I think I made a lot of mistakes.”

 

Dean drew back, “Think I was one of them?”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile, “I’m not sure about a lot of things, but there’s one thing I know for certain: You were the only right part in my life.”

 

That was probably one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him in his entire life. Dean smiled and gently shoved Cas onto his back, quickly moving to straddle his hips, leaning over him, “Maybe that’s what I wanted you to think…” Dean quirked his brow, “Big, bad wolf, remember?”

 

Cas chuckled and feigned a scared face, “I’m so afraid. What will you do with me, big, bad wolf?”

 

“Hey there, little Red Riding Hood, you sure are lookin’ good, you’re everything a big, bad wolf could want,” Dean sang, trying to not fuck it up by bursting into laughter.

 

Cas bit his lower lip to stifle his laughter, “Wonder what the big bad wolf would want from me?”

 

“That depends…” Dean waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

 

“I don’t have a basket of food you could steal. It’s just me, all alone, in these scary woods,” Cas tried to look innocent, but he was failing miserably.

 

Dean tsked disapprovingly, “Not alone, not anymore.” He cupped Cas’s face, gently caressing his cheek. “Not anymore,” he repeated. Dean leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to slightly swollen and overly kissed lips, humming into the contact contentedly.

 

Cas practically melted against him, his arms tightened around his torso to pull him closer. “You feel so good,” he mumbled against Dean’s lips.

 

Dean nipped Cas's bottom lip playfully and drew back, “Careful, Cas. Last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid…”

 

Cas frowned and looked taken aback for a moment, “You’ve said that to me before. I somehow remember...”

 

Dean shook his head in confusion, “When?”

 

Cas looked thoughtful, squinting his eyes slightly before he looked up at Dean, “In this strange other life. You said that and then you winked at me. But, for some reason, I was angry at you.” 

 

Mood totally killed Dean moved to lay alongside Cas again, “Maybe we were in a fight?” 

 

Cas chewed at his lower lip, “Probably. At least now we know you’ve flirted with me before. So maybe we really were a couple.”

 

Dean chuckled, “Clearly…”

 

Cas caressed Dean’s face, looking at him lovingly, “I don’t even know how I could have kept my hands to myself. You are  _ very  _ attractive.”

 

“Who’s to say I looked like this in our other life?” he teased.

 

“You look exactly the same. Every freckle in place…” Cas smiled as he tenderly touched some of the freckles on Dean’s cheek.

 

“Well, how do we know you didn’t put them there in the first place?” Dean challenged, lips turned up in amusement.

 

“I’m pretty sure your parents are to blame for that,” Cas chuckled and kissed his nose.

 

Dean grinned, “They’re to blame for all of me, really…”

 

Cas left a trail of slow and soft kisses from Dean’s chin down his throat and up to his ear again, “I should thank them next time I see them.”

 

“They didn’t scare you off?” Dean asked, his tone was light, but there was a part of him that was genuinely curious. He loved his parents, but they could be a little much sometimes. Especially considering they’d chased off at least three potential girlfriends and one potential boyfriend.

 

“I thought they were very welcoming. But also, I don’t think anything could scare me away from you.” Cas underlined his words by nibbling at Dean's earlobe again. 

 

“Cas…” Dean groaned as the guy found the sweet spot just below his ear, “It’s uh… Fuck… if we don’t stop, I won’t be able to stop…”

 

Cas growled quietly and leaned back with a sigh, “It’s not very easy.”

 

“I know, but it’s… it’s been a helluva day and I know it sounds lame but… I kind of wanna have our first time not be after I cried like a bitch…” Dean chuckled as he pressed his forehead to Cas’s.

 

Cas kissed him softly, his eyes still closed when he leaned back and nodded. He mirrored Dean’s smile when he looked up, “I’ll make sure that you’ll only laugh tomorrow, even if I have to tickle you the whole day.”

 

“Well, that’s just cheating…”

 

Cas shrugged, “I don’t care. The end justifies the means.”

 

Dean shook his head, smiling like he’d never be able to stop. 

 

**…. ::::: :::: ….**

 

That following morning, Dean was in the kitchen, singing off-key to Journey on his classic rock Pandora station, getting breakfast ready while Cas watched him in amusement from the table. He had decided on waffles and bacon, the bacon already cooked and on a plate.

 

Dean caught Cas slip a piece to Bones, “I saw that!”

 

“What?” Cas gave him an innocent head tilt and Bones mirrored the exact same expression.

 

Dean shook his head and turned away from them before Cas could catch the huge smile on his face. That was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever seen, and it was messing with his ability to not yank Cas across the table and attack his beautiful face… with his mouth. 

 

Hotel California started playing, the waffle iron still had a few minutes, so Dean approached Cas and pulled him up. Wrapping his arms around the guy’s neck and pressing their foreheads together, Dean started swaying to the music, getting completely lost in the feeling of being happy for the first time in – well, far too freakin’ long.

 

Cas chuckled quietly before he wrapped his arms around him too, letting himself be moved by Dean to the melody of the song. “What are you doing with me?” Cas asked quietly, but he sounded happy.

 

“We’re dancing…” Dean clarified, continuing to sway, sharing each other’s air.

 

Cas gave him a happy smile before he leaned his forehead against his, “This is nice.” Cas’s hand wandered to Dean’s neck before he leaned in and kissed Dean. Just a soft kiss that was over way too fast and made him yearn for more.

 

Dean turned Cas out, swinging him back in, the both of them laughing at their overall domestic ridiculousness, just enjoying each other’s company. Dean drew Cas closer to him, the shorter man’s arms wrapping around his neck, his arms slated around Cas’s waist. Their height difference made them slot together in perfect symmetry. If Dean were a man of true faith, he’d probably toss around words like fate, and destiny.

 

Crystal blue eyes looked up at him in earnest, gentle fingers softly tapping at the nape of his neck. Dean was engulfed in sensation, but more than anything, that overwhelming need from earlier came full force to his chest cavity, causing his heart to do a some kind of jitterbug. Leaning down, their lips met and one of them sighed, Dean wasn’t entirely certain which one of them did. 

 

Getting lost in their kiss, the tiny little details. The way Cas hesitantly tapped his tongue against Dean’s own, groaning when he sucked the tongue fully into his mouth. Cas tasted like coffee and something he couldn’t quite place. Nothing unpleasant, it was doubtful angels suffered from things like morning breath. As the kiss grew rougher, more demanding, more intense, Dean clutched at the t-shirt Cas was wearing, twisting it taut against the guy’s body as he continued to lose himself.

 

As the lilting melody of “Stairway to Heaven” filled the quiet kitchen, suddenly everything was swirling around them. Literally. Colors and memories and images were flashing by both of them, causing them to draw apart in confusion, in fear. What the hell was happening? 

 

Cas clung to his arm, eyes darting around, trying to make sense of the blurred images. Dean was feeling dizzy, a little nauseous too. He gripped back, needing the comfort of connection just as much as Cas did.

 

That was when the memory hit him.


	4. Chapter 4

_ And I built a home _

_ for you _

_ for me _

  
  


_ The raindrops pattered on the windshield of the Impala, accompanied by the melody of “Stairway to Heaven” from one of Dean’s tapes. Cas couldn’t remember how long he had sat next to Dean in silence, occasionally looking at him and asking himself how he should start the conversation that was weighing down his heart. This was goodbye and it hurt more than he could have imagined. _

 

_ Dean had heard his wish. The reward that was offered to Cas by his father for all of the times he had supported and protected the Winchesters, helping them find a solution between Chuck and Amara in order to lay down their differences and move on.  _

 

_ Cas had wished for Dean to have a happy, normal life. A life where his family was still alive.  _

 

_ But this also meant that he would never meet Dean, he would go back to Heaven and just be another angel, like before. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Dean deserved a happy ending after all of the meddling the angels had done in his life and family.  _

 

_ Dean had asked to speak with him alone after that, dragging him to the Impala and leaving Sam and Chuck behind. They’d driven through in the peace of the night for a while before Dean finally parked the car on the side of the road.  _

 

_ Cas looked down at his hands, before he closed his eyes, “We won’t remember each other… so I just wanted to let you know… that I feel honored to have been at your side for so long, to call you my friend… my family.” _

 

_ Dean let out a mirthless chuckle, staring straight ahead instead of at Cas, “Couldn't even talk to me first? You just had to make a decision that will change my freakin’ life and you couldn't even have the damn decency to talk to me first?” _

 

_ Cas frowned deeply, “For all the time I’ve known you, Dean, you always wished for your family to be alive. You hated that the angels meddled with your destiny, trying to use you and your brother as vessels for the apocalypse. I just wanted to give you the life that this war between Heaven and Hell ruined for you. You deserve better.” _

 

_ “So, your answer to Heaven meddling with my life is to use Heaven to meddle with my life, yet again? I deserve being given a goddamn choice!” Dean’s hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white and taut. _

 

_ “Dean, if you really don’t want this, I can tell my father. But why wouldn’t you want this? Sam would have the life he always wanted. You would get out. Your parents will be alive. I thought you would want that.” _

 

_ “Fuck!” Dean cursed as he ruffled a hand through his hair, “Of course I’d want that! It's just… Fuck, it's not fair!” _

 

_ Like so often in the past, Cas had difficulty understanding the reason for Dean’s outburst. He couldn’t understand why Dean wasn’t happy about Cas’s wish. He would get everything he ever wished for. He hadn’t been this emotional the last time they said goodbye to each other. _

 

_ “I don’t understand why you aren’t happy about my wish. Is it just because I didn’t ask? Because I could ask now, if you want your family back?” Cas asked slowly, hoping that Dean would stop fighting with him so they could say their goodbyes before time ran out. _

 

_ Dean’s shoulders slumped in defeat as he shook his head. His breath hitched slightly as he managed to finally respond, “I lost my family once. I lost my mom, watched her burn. I lost my dad in a deal he made to save my life. And from the ruins of a beaten and broken family, I found a new one. And now I have to lose my family all over again. I get why, Cas. I get why you thought I’d want that, but…” Dean wiped at a stray tear that started to form and turned away from him. _

 

_ Cas sighed deeply, trying to make sense of Dean’s emotions, “But Sam… and everyone will be with you again.” _

 

_ “Yeah, everyone but you…” _

 

_ Cas gave him a soft, sad smile. On one hand it was nice to hear that Dean saw him as family, on the other hand, he wasn’t sure how he should feel about Dean’s reaction. It somehow hurt even more. He knew that just being Dean’s friend, or being like a brother to him, wasn’t enough for him anymore. It was something he had tried to suppress, but had only gotten worse over the past few years. He wouldn’t remember Dean and Dean would forget him. It was for the best, because he knew that nothing good would come out of his inappropriate feelings for his friend. _

 

_ He reached over and drew him into a hug, “I’ll be okay. I’m going home, too. You won’t even remember me.” _

 

_ Dean twisted his hands into Cas’s trenchcoat, clinging to him as he pressed his face against his shoulder, “I don’t want to forget you, Cas. I don’t want to live without you…” _

 

_ He couldn't stop the broken gasp that left his lips, “Don't say that.” He pressed closer to Dean, not knowing how he could ever let him go now. Desperation tugged painfully at his heart, “I don't want to be selfish. You mean too much to me to not let you have this.” _

 

_ “I need you, Cas,” he whispered. _

 

_ Cas forced himself to pull back from Dean so he could look at him. He could already feel the fabric of time around them changing. It was too late. He cupped Dean’s cheek with his hand, rubbing his thumb over the freckles, “I’m sorry, Dean.” He felt more words on the tip of his tongue, words that now wouldn’t have any consequences. Maybe that was giving him the courage to finally confess his feelings, “I need you, too. But not in the sense of a friend or a brother… It’s more than that. It’s so much more that I would do anything to stay at your side. And it frightens me, the thought that I would destroy the world, if it meant I could be with you.” _

 

_ “So, instead of taking the risk, you’re just giving up?” Dean’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears, lip trembling slightly, “I guess it’s a good thing my memory’s gonna be wiped when this goes down…” _

 

_ Cas looked down, he hated to hear the disappointment in Dean’s voice, “I thought we would have more time, but the change is already happening… I’m sorry, Dean.” _

 

_ Dean’s eyes widened in panic, seemingly unsure of what to do, how to stop it from happening. Suddenly, Cas was trapped in a bottle green gaze that was almost as upending as the rippling of their present universe. Time was starting to close in on them, he knew they could both feel it. “I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I didn’t make you see just how much you mean to me.”  _

 

_ Dean’s expression went from fearful, to determined. He surged forward, yanking Cas by his tie the rest of the way, their lips colliding. Dean pressed his mouth to his own; hard, heated lips parting open as he began to slow, to soften, to succumb. When he drew back, the tears were flowing, and Dean offered him the saddest smile, “I’m sorry I never told you how much I love you.” _

 

_ “Dean...” He felt tears running down his cheek. Why now? At the end of everything. “I don't want to lose you,” he pressed out desperately. “Please, father…” He knew it was too late. He desperately clung to Dean's body, his voice breaking down, “I love you, Dean.” _

 

_ As he felt the trembles of his body starting to break down, Dean drew back, cupping Cas’s cheek, his lips wet from the trails of tears. His eyelids fluttering slightly, a vain attempt to stifle the seemingly unending tears, “Bye, Cas.” _

 

_ He couldn’t even say his goodbye to Dean before everything went white. _

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

“I remember you... I remember everything,” Cas mumbled, still in shock. 

 

Dean appeared to be in a daze for a moment, appearing to get ahold of his footing now that they were back in his kitchen. He moved to shut the radio off before rounding on Cas, “You asshole!” He stepped closer, grabbing Cas by the front of his shirt, yanking him forward, “You stupid, stupid asshole!”

 

Cas frowned deeply, trying to understand why he was with Dean, instead of in Heaven. He was still missing the memories about what had happened after they had been separated. 

 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he tried to apologize. “I never thought…” He looked up at Dean, the surprise and shock still had a paralyzing effect on him, “I’m here… with you.”

 

“No, shit!” Dean let go of his grip on Cas’s shirt and scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration, “No wonder I felt weirdly connected to you…”

 

Cas slowly shook his head, “I don’t know what to say. I thought… I’d never see you again.”

 

“Yeah, cuz you arranged it!” Dean took a deep breath, moving to take a seat at the table, and exhaled a tired sounding, “What are you doin’ here, Cas?”

 

Cas looked down, suddenly feeling like he had destroyed everything between them. The thought made him sick, “I don’t know. I still can’t remember what happened after we got separated.” He looked up at Dean with a pained expression, “Do you… want me to leave?”

 

Dean sighed and after a beat answered with a resigned, “Of course not. I told you you can stay here as long as you need, I never go back on my word…” He rubbed the back of his neck, a tired groan escaping his lips.

 

“But now you know everything. I’m not just some weird stranger anymore,” he hadn’t meant for his voice to raise, but he felt frustrated and angry. “If you don’t want me here, I would understand.”

 

Letting out a mirthless laugh, Dean shook his head, “Nope, you’re definitely not a weird  _ stranger.  _ Just the weird guy I’ve been in love with for years,  _ apparently…” _

 

Cas had the urge to scream in frustration with all of the mixed feelings fighting for dominance in his heart. He sat down at the table, burying his face in his hands for a moment as he tried to calm down his racing heart, “Do you… could you imagine...” Cas sighed in frustration. Why was this so difficult? “Being with me this time? To build a home and have a new start… together?”

 

The silence that lingered while Dean appeared to contemplate his response was almost worse than if he simply told Cas to leave and never come back. Dean cracked his knuckles, face focused on the ground as he took a couple of deep, calming breaths.

 

After a beat, Dean finally turned to look up, his expression was unreadable. He stood up and approached Cas, eyed him up and down before answering, “I could imagine a lot of things, Cas. I could imagine a life where my best friend  _ didn’t  _ make life-changing decisions for me. A life where said best friend didn’t fuck up pretty regularly; betrayals, whatever else was part of the shitstorm that was my life before you decided to make a call you had  _ no right  _ to make…” He let out a deep sigh, “But could I imagine my life without you in it?” Dean took a step closer, grasping one of Cas’s hands, “Not even a little bit.”

 

Cas couldn’t look at Dean, he didn’t feel like he was deserving of those words when he constantly hurt Dean, even if it was unintentional, with his best interests at heart. He always messed up. “Do you think you could ever forgive me for all my mistakes?”

 

Dean tilted Cas’s chin up to look at him, the smile on the man’s face kind, open, breathtaking. “On one condition.”

 

“Anything,” Cas answered without hesitation.

 

Dean’s hand slid from Cas’s chin to the side of his face, eyes boring into him. He feigned a resigned sigh, “You’re gonna have to go with me to see every ‘world’s largest’ whatever in this country…” 

 

For a moment Cas didn’t know what to say. He blinked before he slowly nodded, “Should we start with the largest ball of twine in Kansas?”

 

His arms found their way around Dean’s shoulders as he stood up and slid closer to him. His breath hitched when he lost himself in Dean’s forest green eyes.

 

Dean chuckled fondly, “Whatever you want.”

 

“Dean…” Cas swallowed nervously, his mouth feeling dry, “Please,” he tentatively touched Dean’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “Can I kiss you?”

 

“Didn’t Grandma tell you you shouldn’t kiss strange wolves?” Dean smirked.

 

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Cas told him with a soft smile. “I don’t want to make the same mistake again. This time I want to tell you how I feel. I want to show you.”

 

Dean grinned, “Put up or shut up.”

 

Cas hoped Dean meant that as a consent as he tentatively leaned forward. His forehead touched Dean’s and his breathing hitched. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous. The nervousness vanished the second his lips brushed over Dean’s. It felt like a dam was breaking in that moment and all he could do was rush forward, deepening the kiss as he pushed Dean backwards into the couch. When Dean’s legs hit the sofa he pulled Cas down onto his lap. It felt overwhelming.

 

He still couldn’t believe that he was finally allowed to do this. How long had he dreamed of this, never daring to hope that Dean would feel the same for him? When he felt the kiss getting more heated he drew back, feeling dizzy and breathless as he leaned his forehead against Dean’s, “I never dared hope I could be with you like this.”

 

Dean swiped his thumb gently over Cas’s bottom lip, eyes bright, a kind of softness to his gaze that made his heart skip a beat, “Why?”

 

Cas shook his head slightly, “It’s just… a lot of reasons. I thought you would only ever see me as your… ‘buddy’.”

 

“For a long time I did. You were… you  _ are  _ my best friend. It wasn’t until you…” Dean sighed and shied away, clearly hesitant to continue.

 

“Until I what?” Cas touched Dean’s cheek, hoping he would continue. 

 

“Until you said yes to Lucifer… After that… Shit, Cas. It really messed me up. I wasn’t prepared for what that meant. How little value you saw in yourself, in your part of our family. The longer you were gone, the more determined I was to get you back. And after  _ he  _ was gone, when you were back for good, it kind of hit me in that moment. You were so much more to me than just a friend.”

 

For a moment Cas didn’t know what to say. He rubbed his thumb over Dean’s cheek and gave him a short-lived smile, “All my mistakes still weigh on me and I still have a hard time believing that I really deserve any of this. Or that you don’t see me as a liability.” He shook his head, “It’s not that you ever gave me that feeling. It’s what I think of myself and the reason why I find it hard to understand how someone else wouldn’t see that part of me… my weakness…”

 

Dean’s hand trailed downwards, now resting against Cas's chest, over his heart, “Know what I see in you? I see an angel that, against all odds, against what was deemed protocol, against an entire race, your family; you stood up for what's right. You put yourself in harm’s way because you chose to think for yourself. You aren't weak, you aren't a liability. You're the most amazing creature I've ever met. How could I have  _ not _ fallen for you?”

 

Cas shook his head slowly in disbelief. Hearing those words, it was hard to think of anything other than how much he loved Dean in that moment. “Dean…” he felt out of breath, “There are no words that would express how I feel about you. To tell you that I love you seems like such a great understatement.”

 

Dean chuckled, “I don't need words, Cas. I just need you.”

 

Cas cupped Dean's face in both of his hands and leaned forward to capture his lips with his own. He would never get enough of kissing Dean. How connected he felt to him, and how his tongue felt and tasted against his. His whole body tingled with excitement when he felt Dean pull him closer. 

 

A surprised moan escaped him when he felt his erection press against Dean's stomach. Heat rose up to his face when the nervousness hit him again at full force. He pulled away from Dean, taking a few calming breaths, ”Sorry, I got a bit carried away. I know we wanted to wait.”

 

Dean's eyes were alight with lust, “That was when I thought I'd just met you. We've done our waiting, Cas.”

 

Seeing Dean like that combined with those words did things to his stomach, a feeling he wasn’t used to. Sadly, it did nothing to quell his nervousness. This was new territory for him, he had never been in a relationship before and the only time he had sex... well, it wasn't something he liked to think about.

 

“Okay,” he breathed out, trying to calm himself, “Should we go to your bedroom?”

 

His nervousness was met with a soft smile as Dean cupped his face, “No expectations. If you aren't comfortable or want to stop, just say so. We don't have to jump into anything you're not ready for.”

 

"I want to, Dean," Cas quickly assured him. He had waited too long for this to let his nervousness and inexperience get in the way now. He yearned to touch Dean, he wanted to get to know him on this new, intimate level. “I’m just unsure… how to…” He looked away from Dean feeling overwhelmed and embarrassed that he couldn’t even finish his sentence. 

 

Dean chuckled, the pad of his thumb gently caressing the side of Cas's face, “I'll show you.” He jostled himself slightly, wrapping his arms around Cas’s back. “Put your arms around my neck,” he instructed. 

 

Cas did as instructed and had to refrain from letting out a surprised sound when Dean stood up, essentially holding him up, carrying him. Dean walked them towards the bedroom, using his foot to nudge the door open, before leaning down to drop Cas onto the bed. As he drew back, he pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips. He dropped himself unceremoniously onto the bed next to Cas, sprawled out on his back. Dean grinned as he looked over at Cas, “How you doin’?”

 

Instead of answering, because he thought it impossible to articulate his feelings with words, he cupped Dean's cheeks and drew him into a kiss, pulling Dean over him in the process. It was nice feeling Dean’s weight against his body, like an anchor that calmed him down. When he deepened the kiss, feeling Dean’s tongue against his, his whole body started to feel heated. He was aware that he wasn’t a normal angel anymore. Not like before. He could eat, sleep and feel warmth – all of humanity’s perks. But in that moment the heat was too much and he desperately wanted to get out of his clothes. Just the thought of feeling Dean’s skin against the his own heated body was enough to make his temperature rise again. His fingers slid down to the hem of Dean’s shirt before he tugged on it. “Dean,” he breathed against Dean’s lips, “I really want to take off my shirt.”

 

He had to repress a shiver as Dean’s hands trailed down his back, stopping at the hem of his shirt, tugging it upwards, essentially giving him a hand. Leaning forward made it a little difficult, so Cas reluctantly drew back, sitting upright as he pulled the shirt the rest of the way off. He took advantage of his position to help Dean get out of his shirt, too. He licked his lip when he let his eyes roam over Dean’s chest, the freckles that dusted his broad shoulders. His fingers reached for his shoulder, tracing the hard lines of his muscles down to his pecs. Cas let his thumb circle over Dean’s nipple, biting his lower lip when he heard the gasp fall from Dean’s lips. “You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled in awe, still not quite believing that he could really have this, that he was allowed to touch Dean like this.

 

Dean’s voice was ragged when he let out a low chuckle, “I think the word you’re lookin’ for is ‘rugged’ or ‘manly’...”

 

Cas chuckled lowly, “If you prefer those words…” He kissed Dean’s shoulder softly, “Rugged,” He trailed kisses along his collarbone, and mumbled, “Manly.” Cas tentatively licked over Dean’s nipple, “Attractive.” 

 

When he looked up at Dean’s face, seeing his dazed expression and his warm smile, he couldn’t help but to return the smile. “Stunningly beautiful,” he mumbled, before he cupped his cheeks and kissed him hungrily. He pushed Dean back against the bed, effectively straddling him, caressing his hair with one hand while he rested his palm on Dean’s chest, slowly sliding it over Dean’s warm skin. He loved kissing Dean, feeling his tongue in his mouth and how the man explored him. It made him dizzy for more. To be even closer.

 

“Dean,” he begged, not even knowing what he was begging for. His body seemed to know when he rocked his hips upward, pressing his erection against Dean’s. 

 

Dean groaned and arched into the friction, fingers tangling into his hair as he dragged Cas’s face back to his. A collision of lips, teeth, tongue; swallowing each other’s gasps as they ground desperately against each other. Dean’s other hand trailed downwards, tracing along the lines of Cas’s torso before raking his nails down his side. 

 

Cas gasped Dean’s name again, his whole body felt like it was on fire. He felt a strange kind of desperation, an urge to be impossibly closer. He felt like he was losing his mind. Without thinking about it, his hand wandered down over Dean’s stomach, until his fingers reached Dean’s jeans. He leaned back, giving Dean a questioning look, “Is this okay?” He wondered for a moment why his voice sounded like he hadn’t talked for ages.

 

Dean nodded, pupils blown and an intense gaze fixed on Cas. Only on Cas. Nothing else existed in that moment. “Cas, barring anything illegal, I’m okay with  _ everything.  _ So stop askin’ and start doin’...” his voice came out ragged, tone more pleading than demanding.

 

He didn’t need to be told twice. Cas quickly unbuckled Dean’s belt and opened the button and the zipper, cursing himself when his fingers trembled clumsily and he needed a few tries to open Dean’s pants. He grabbed the waistband as soon as the jeans were open and with a little help from Dean, pulled them down.

 

At his hesitation, Dean gripped Cas’s wrist and guided his hand further under the waistband of his underwear. When his hand came into contact with Dean’s erection, Dean arched into the touch, a truly sinful growl escaping his lips.

 

Cas tentatively wrapped his hand around the length, soaking in the sensation of skin on skin, the heaviness, the heat. He decided he liked it. 

 

Dean ground out an almost pained noise as he bucked his hips, “Cas…”

 

He started to stroke Dean, slowly, testing out the different ways he could make Dean moan. When his grip grew firmer, Dean let out a soft, breathy groan. When he started to stroke a little faster, Dean practically whimpered. 

 

Gasping out, Dean moved to still Cas’s hand, “I’m close, don’t want it to be over yet…”

 

Cas reluctantly released Dean and drew back. Dean used his hips to arch up slightly to yank the underwear down before flipping them over, now pressed between Cas’s legs as he leaned down and kissed Cas again. His fingers snaked downwards, one hand smoothly unbuckling Cas’s jeans, while the other draped over his head, trying to pull them closer together.

 

As Dean pulled the zipper down, he cupped Cas’s erection over the material. Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth as he arched up. He could feel Dean’s grin against his lips. Through the opening of his boxers, Dean pulled his erection out, using the pad of his thumb to smear the precum over the head. 

 

There was something about the roughness of Dean’s slightly calloused hand, the firmness and confidence in the way his fingers wrapped around his length, that made Cas see stars. 

 

It hadn’t felt like this before, the last time when he had sex. It was overwhelming and he couldn’t think, his heart was beating so fast that he felt dizzy. It was too much. And suddenly he felt scared. He remembered every moment in the past when he had lost himself, when he felt himself falling and slipping away. Losing control… He couldn’t breathe, “Dean…” he gasped out, “stop… please… stop.”

 

Dean retracted his hand, a look of concern on his face, “Are you okay?”

 

He felt weak and pathetic. It shouldn’t be like this. He didn’t understand why he felt scared. The last thing he wanted to do was worry Dean. “I just need a moment,” he gasped, trying to get his breathing under control and calm down. He wondered what was wrong with him.

 

Shifting his body weight, Dean moved to lay alongside Cas, face still etched in worry, “I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

 

Cas shook his head. “It’s me… I don’t know...“ He scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration. He hated himself for killing the mood. That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Dean. He wanted to feel him. He wanted to stop being afraid. 

 

He gave Dean a pained look, “Can we try again? I assure you, I really want this. I was just overwhelmed for a moment.”

 

Dean shook his head, a kind smile on his face, “We’ve got time. How about we try to get some rest?”

 

Something in him wanted to argue, but the bigger part had faith in Dean. He had way more experience with all of this and if he thought waiting was best, then he was probably right. It didn’t stop him for looking utterly disappointed, “I’m sorry. I have no idea why I’m… so afraid of this.”

 

Dean carded his hand through Cas's hair, his smile sweet and kind, “It's a big step, nothing wrong with being scared. I'm not gonna stop loving you just because you're nervous about taking this to the next level, okay?”

 

Cas had to smile suddenly, hearing Dean saying that he loved him so casually, was still very new and surprising to him. He sighed deeply and leaned forward, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder, “I don’t want to be nervous. There is no logical reason for it… I know what I’m afraid of and it’s not taking this between us to the next level.”

 

“Then what are you scared of?” His tone was genuinely curious, not a hint of anger.

 

Cas licked over his lip, wondering how he could explain it to Dean. “I felt overwhelmed before. When we did this… It felt like I was losing myself and it reminded me of all the times this had happened before in my life. Every time I was controlled by someone else, or when I was cursed, or when I had other souls in me or Leviathans… I know that I’m okay now and that nothing of the sort is happening to me when I’m with you. But still, I have a hard time of letting go… Does that make sense?” Cas sighed, “Because it doesn’t make sense to me.” 

 

Dean pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s cheek, drawing back with the most beautiful level of understanding he’d ever seen, “When you succumb to pleasure, to your own desires, it kind of is like that. We’re usually trying to keep ourselves in check, right? And when you can let go, it’s beautiful, and terrifying. The difference here though, you’re letting your base instincts take over. Not Leviathans, not angels, not some curse. And I promise, I’ll be right there with you.”

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile, when he suddenly realized something, “Wouldn’t be the first time you catch me when I fall.”

 

“And it won’t be the last.” Dean affirmed. He fixed Cas with a soft smile, tracing indiscernible patterns over his forearm. “Even without memories of you, I knew what you meant to me. I knew I could trust you, there was something about you that gave me the courage and strength to try again and, damnit, Cas. I might catch you when you fall, but you seem to always pick up my broken pieces and put me back together.”

 

Dean paused, the rough pad of his thumb gently stroking over Cas’s jaw. He shook his head, voice and expression awed as he continued, “No matter where we are in space or time, it’s always gonna be you and me, okay? So, if it takes you days... weeks... years... the rest of our fucking lives... I’m telling you now, you’re worth the wait, okay?”

 

Cas pulled him closer and kissed Dean, because he didn't have words for how much Dean meant to him. They were both out of breath when he leaned his forehead against his, “You highly underestimate your charm if you think it will take that long. My mind is already set on this and you know how determined I can be.”

 

Dean chuckled, “Out of respect for your feelings, I’m keeping my charm turned off. We both know you wouldn’t stand a chance.” He winked to further accentuate his point.

 

Cas kissed him again with a grin, “I don’t think there  _ is  _ an off switch.” He leaned back and tilted his head, “There’s something I do want…”

 

“And what’s that?” he purred against Cas’s ear.

 

Cas shuddered, feeling his hair raising where he felt Dean’s hot breath against him, “I want to kiss every inch of your skin.”

 

“No one’s stoppin’ ya.” Dean smirked.

 

Cas returned the smile before he leaned over Dean and kissed his throat. It was more gliding his lips over the sensitive skin there than kissing, a few times he licked over a freckle or sucked on the skin on his way down to Dean's chest.

 

He enjoyed hearing Dean gasp when his lips and tongue found his nipples and he took his time, exploring the different things he could do to Dean, eliciting different reactions and noises from Dean's mouth. 

 

Cas could feel Dean's erection leaking wet trails against his stomach where he rubbed over it as he slid down on the bed, trailing kisses down Dean's stomach. He knew what he wanted; he just hoped Dean would be okay with his plan. 

 

When he slid further down on the bed, Dean's hard cock was finally within reach and without hesitation, he wrapped his lips around the head. He couldn't suppress the moan when he tasted Dean on his tongue. 

 

“Fuck…” Dean hissed as his left hand snaked its way into Cas's hair. He tugged slightly to draw Cas's attention to his face, “I thought you weren't ready?”

 

Cas licked a stripe up Dean's length, loving the sensation of the velvet skin against his tongue, "But you are. I want to make you happy."

 

“I’m more than ready, but I meant it when I said you’re worth the wait, Cas…” he breathed out, his cheeks flushed with arousal.

 

Cas gave him a soft smile, "I know, Dean but don't worry, I want this. Please let me do this, okay?"

 

Dean nodded dumbly, “If you need to stop, you can.”

 

Cas gave him a reassuring smile, "I know." He was glad Dean let him do this.This was a first step for him in the right direction to get used to being with Dean like that. He used his fingers to trail softly over Dean’s inner thigh before he wrapped his lips around Dean’s erection again. He loved exploring him with his tongue, licking and sucking at the head and taking him deeper inside of his mouth in the process. He had never done this before, but he had done his research. Countless nights on Dean’s laptop had been very educational. 

 

He wrapped one of his hands around Dean’s length to support the movement of his mouth. With the other, he held Dean’s hips down, because his friend seemed to be having difficulty keeping still. He glanced up at Dean, watching in fascination how one of his hands was fisting the bedsheets and how he had pressed the other against the headboard of his bed. He was moaning beautifully, his head thrown back against the pillow. Dean must have sensed him looking up at him, because he pushed himself up on his elbow to look down at him, his mouth open, breathing heavy. Cas couldn’t believe he was the reason for Dean looking dazed and consumed by desire. 

 

Dean carded his fingers through Cas’s hair, “Fuck, baby…”

 

Although Cas thought it was strange for Dean to call him the same pet name he used for his car, he knew it was a term of endearment. It wasn’t the first time Dean used one for him. His favorite was when Dean called him ‘sunshine', but this was the first time Dean hadn’t meant it with an ironic undertone. This was real. Like they were a real couple and just the thought made his heart stumble before it started racing. He felt so happy, smiling up at Dean while he continued to suck and lick at his cock vigorously.

 

He felt Dean tensing under him, he knew the hunter was close. The grip Dean had in his hair tightened, attempting to pull Cas off. “I –I’m gonna…” he warned.

 

Cas let go of him for a second just to shoot Dean a smile and a breathy, “I know,” before he resumed sucking Dean’s cock, quickening the pace of his hand stroking him to push Dean over the edge. The thought of Dean coming in his mouth made his own arousal throb almost painfully, but he tried to ignore it. This was about Dean.

 

A strangled, “Cas!” escaped Dean’s throat as he finally lost control.

 

Cas tried to swallow everything, but he hadn’t anticipated it would be so much. A few drops dribbled down his chin as he tried to suck Dean through his orgasm. 

 

Dean moved to sit up, waving his finger to urge Cas to meet him halfway, capturing his lips in a fierce kiss. When they pulled apart, Dean rested his forehead against Cas’s, “You’re amazing.”

 

Cas smiled at him, feeling incredible happy, "What I did, was that... correct then?"

 

Dean chuckled, “You passed?” his tone was amused, the question a subtle tease. 

 

Cas returned the smile and kissed him again. His erection rubbed over Dean’s stomach and he groaned when the friction spiked another wave of lust in him.

 

Fiery green eyes seemed to spark with interest, Dean gently rolled them over, now on top of Cas. He pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, “I wanna try somethin’. If it overwhelms you, or you don’t want it, tell me, okay?”

 

Cas felt breathless with anticipation and lust before he quickly nodded.

 

Dean pulled away slightly, grabbing one of the pillows. Between Cas’s legs, he sat up on his knees and tapped Cas’s hip, “Lift up.” 

 

Cas did what Dean told him, wondering what Dean wanted to do with him. The anticipation made his heart beat faster, his breathing was ragged when he watched Dean in fascination as he pushed the pillow under him.

 

Gently tugging at the waistband of Cas’s boxers, Dean pulled them down and off, eyes raking over his now naked body in obvious appreciation. He leaned over Cas to press a kiss to his lips, that grew more and more heated as he started to make his way down Cas’s body. Fevered lips seeking purchase against heated skin as his lips, teeth, and tongue marked Cas over and over. 

 

When Dean reached his pelvis, he drew back, lust-blown pupils dominating the green irises that he usually got lost in. Dean grinned, “I’ve wanted to do this forever.”

 

Before Cas could even think, let alone respond with any sort of question, Dean hiked Cas’s legs over his shoulders. He gasped as Dean’s hands parted him, spreading him wide. He could feel the heat of Dean’s breath against him. When the soft wetness of Dean’s tongue swiped against his entrance, Cas let out a slightly strangled moan. He’d never felt anything like it. 

 

Suddenly, a sinfully skilled tongue was flattened against his rim. Dean started to flick his tongue against him, causing Cas to squirm up into the onslaught of pleasure. The reverberations of Dean’s chuckle made Cas see stars.

 

Dean started kissing at his entrance, soft lips trailing up to his balls, gently sucking and licking as he continued his exploration. Cas’s breathing came out in stuttered pants. He’d never experienced true pleasure until this moment.

 

Strong hands started kneading his cheeks as Dean found his way back to his rim. The tapping and flicks were driving Cas mad with urgency. Dean took pity on him as he pointed his tongue and probed his entrance. Dean wrapped his lips around Cas’s rim as he plunged his tongue into him. 

 

Cas let out an an unmitigated gasp, breathing out Dean’s name like a prayer. 

 

Dean kept going, licking at him, in him. His hole, wet and spit slick from Dean’s lavished attention when he felt a finger snake its way in alongside Dean’s tongue. 

 

He hadn’t anticipated that this could feel even better and left him wanting for more. The need and want was almost unbearable as he started to gasp out a litany of pleas, “Dean… please, please…”

 

Dean somehow managed to go deeper, his tongue circling in a maddening flicking motion alongside a finger that started tapping in him. Dean’s other hand snaked around to fist Cas's erection, stroking him as he continued to probe, and lick, and disassemble Cas entirely.

 

He came with a loud gasp and Dean’s name on his lips. The orgasm hitting so hard that he nearly blacked out when it rushed over him. It felt overwhelming, but he could feel Dean’s strong hands on him, holding him steady, guiding him through the pulses of pleasure. Dean was keeping him grounded and secure, making him feel safe in his arms.

 

Cas let his head fall back on the pillow when the pleasure slowly subsided and all his muscles felt like jelly. He tried to catch his breath, whispering Dean’s name, “That was incredible.”

 

Dean crawled up to lay half over him and half next him, he planted a lazy kiss to the corner of his mouth and collapsed against him, “Fuck yeah it was.”

 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him closer, “I feel safe with you, Dean. I wasn’t afraid anymore.”

 

“Good, I don’t want you to ever feel afraid again,” he mumbled against Cas’s chest.

 

Cas kissed the top of Dean’s head, he felt incredibly tired, “I love you. I’m incredibly happy that I’m at your side again.”

 

Dean hummed happily against him, “Stay at my side always.”

 

“Always,” Cas mumbled before sleep took over.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas woke up with Dean lying in his arms and a profound feeling that everything in the universe was finally where it belonged. He couldn’t help but smile as he pulled Dean closer to his body. This was perfection.

 

It still felt unreal. After everything that had happened, he still didn’t understand how he had ended up here. But he had found Dean. Even if he hadn’t gotten his memory back, he had a feeling they would have ended up together. And that was a very comforting thought. 

 

He kissed the top of Dean’s head, smiling when Bones nudged the door to Dean’s bedroom open and sprinted into the room.

 

It was too late to stop him from jumping on the bed and licking over Dean’s face though.

 

“Bones! Ugh!” he shoved the dog away, his laughing giving away his lack of real anger. Bones yipped at him happily, before finding a new target in Cas.

 

Cas’s eyes widened in panic, he wanted to stop the dog, but it was too late. He already a rough and wet tongue on his face, “Gnnnn, Bones, stop,” he protested weakly, pushing the dog away softly. He looked over to Dean, who smiled at him, “I wasn’t opposed to being woken up with kisses, but I hoped they’d be from you.”

 

Dean shrugged and leaned over, proceeding to lick his face the same way Bones had. Cas made an indignant noise as he tried to push Dean away, “I didn’t mean like that.” He couldn’t stop chuckling though when he saw the carefree grin on Dean’s face.

 

“What  _ did _ you mean?” His tone was suggestive and eyes were hooded as he dragged his index finger over Cas's bottom lip.

 

Instead of answering, Cas slipped his fingers to the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him into a real kiss. One he instantly deepened because he just couldn’t get enough of kissing Dean.

 

Drawing apart, breathing ragged, and foreheads pressed together, Dean chuckled, “Mornin’, Sunshine.”

 

Cas smiled widely, “I like it when you call me that.” He kissed Dean’s nose and slid his hands over Dean’s back before he pulled Dean on top of him.

 

Dean hummed his appreciation against Cas’s throat, “I like when you say my name all annoyed and frustrated…” His tongue dipped into Cas’s collarbone, before trailing downwards, slowly, purposely.

 

“Dean…” Cas squirmed under him. He was already hard when he had woken up and Dean’s ministrations spiked his lust to unthinkable heights.

 

“Yes?” he teased. He could feel Dean’s broad grin against his abdomen. He looked beautiful with the warm sunrays falling through his window, highlighting his freckles and sun kissed skin, his eyes bright like the color of a forest in spring.

 

“I want to…” He moaned when Dean sucked at his hipbone, “I want you inside me.” 

 

Dean looked up then, “You sure?”

 

“Yes,” he breathed out without hesitation. After last night he was sure that he wouldn’t get any hang ups anymore. Dean had left him wanting for more.

 

He crawled back up, until they were face to face. Dean leaned over Cas and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, “If at any point, and I mean  _ any _ _ –  _ mid-sex, doesn’t matter… If you want to stop, we stop. Okay?”

 

“Okay,” Cas propped himself up on his elbows so he could kiss Dean back. He knew he was ready. He felt ready and he hoped he could show Dean how much he wanted this.

 

Dean pressed him back down on the bed, deepening their kiss and rocking his erection against him. Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth when his whole body trembled with anticipation and arousal. He couldn’t wait to feel Dean, being joined with him in this most primal way.

 

Dean grabbed a purple bottle from his drawer and laid down next to him with a smile, before he kissed him again. Cas could hear the bottle being opened and a few moments later he felt Dean's wet and slick fingers against him.

 

Cas bit his lip when Dean's finger slowly pushed inside of him. He hadn't even noticed that he had stopped breathing, before Dean kissed him tenderly and gave him a small smile, "Breathe." Another kiss, "Relax. I'll go slow. Remember to tell me if it hurts or you wanna stop."

 

Cas nodded and kissed him back, trying to relax against the unfamiliar intrusion. It didn't hurt, there was just a slight burning sensation, but it was easy to ignore.

 

He slid his hand up on Dean's arm and to his shoulder, hovering over the handprint that was still visible there. They exchanged a knowing smile, a look that conveyed that they both saw this as a symbol for their beginning. The start of their journey together.

 

He closed his eyes when Dean pushed his finger deeper inside of him. A sudden spike of pleasure coursed through his body when Dean touched something inside of him and he arched his back from the bed, moaning deeply. “Dean,” he breathed out with a mixture of surprise and awe.

 

"Feels good, right?" Dean gave him a smug grin before he touched the spot again.

 

Cas groaned and pressed his head into the pillow. It felt so overwhelmingly good, like he could come from just feeling Dean’s finger inside of him. But he wanted more. “Dean, please,” he moaned when Dean carefully added another finger, instantly going for that beautiful spot again, overwhelming him in such an exquisite way. He wasn’t afraid anymore. He was in Dean’s arms and he trusted him implicitly.  

 

His body was writhing and shaking and he couldn't stop moaning because it felt so overwhelmingly good. The need in him reached a new level that he didn't believe could exist. 

 

Dean held him securely in his arm, the fingers of his other hand were making him lose himself in want and pleasure. They had their foreheads pressed against each other, breathing each other's air, "Please, I need you."

 

Dean nodded against him, licking over his upper lip before he slipped his tongue inside Cas's mouth and pushed him into the mattress. He slowly removed his fingers and Cas only marginally registered that he opened the tube again.

 

The only thing he could see was Dean's eyes, staring down at him in love, awe, and want, before he pushed himself carefully into Cas. All Cas could do was grab Dean's arms and hold on. Noises were ripped from his throat that he didn't know he could make, when Dean started to slowly thrust into him. He felt so deeply connected to him in a way that was totally new and he loved every moment of it.

 

Dean carded his fingers through Cas's hair, "You okay?"

 

The stretch and slight burn, mixed with the feeling of being full and complete, connected to the person that he loved more than anything was almost too much to bear. He felt so close to his own orgasm, especially every time Dean connected with the spot inside of him, and how his own erection was pressed against Dean's body. He couldn't say anything. The only sound leaving his lips were moans and gasps, but he managed to nod.

 

Dean took his time, rocking into him at a slow pace, kissing him gently. Every time Cas thought he couldn't take it any longer, Dean stopped his movement and waited for him to calm down again.

 

Cas thought he was going crazy and he must have said something along the lines between his moans and gasps because Dean's lips curled up against his mouth and he whispered, "You wanna come?"

 

“Yes, please,” he groaned, before Dean swallowed the noise with a deep and fervent kiss. 

 

He picked up the pace of his thrusts, Cas meeting him halfway, losing his ability to think any coherent thought, drowning in sensations and animalistic instincts. He just needed Dean to go harder, faster, deeper.  _ More, more, more. _

 

His orgasm blind sided him and he cried out in pleasure, arching up against Dean who tightened his grip on him. He heard Dean gasping out his name, a few erratic thrusts accompanied him through the last waves of pleasure. He pulled Dean closer when he collapsed on top of him with some deep humming noises, as Dean tried to calm down his breathing.

 

Dean chuckled quietly and propped his chin on his hand so he could look at him. He smiled openly at him, his green eyes shone with love and happiness. Cas felt like he was falling in love with Dean all over again.

 

The moment was broken by Bones jumping on the bed again, barking at them. Cas knew the dog was hungry but he had a hard time feeling guilty about making him wait when he had a naked and smiling Dean lying on top of him. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas stood in the middle of Dean’s garden, Bones running in circles around him as he tried get Cas to play with him. But Cas had different plans. He needed answers.

 

He looked up to the sky, concentrating on the faintest spark of grace that he still possessed. “Why father? I just want to know why.”

 

For a moment nothing happened. Not that Cas expected his father to answer. He was about to give up when he felt something tug at his grace. He closed his eyes and he could feel the memory. The last piece of the puzzle. Finally click into place.

 

_ “There is a reason that I resurrected you all those years ago,” Chuck scratched his chin as he looked over at Cas as he knelt on the floor, feeling devastated.  _

 

_ “You kind of got it, you know. Free will and all. But the biggest reason was that I saw something in you. I saw your ability to change, to learn... and to fall in love. You made mistakes, huge mistakes, but you always tried, Castiel. You tried to be better for the people around you.” _

 

_ Chuck walked up to him and sat next to him on the floor, “The truth is that Dean Winchester needs you. He needs you the same way you need him.” _

 

_ Cas looked up at Chuck, his eyes empty, his heart broken. _

 

_ “I'm a writer, Castiel. I hate loose ends and bad endings. This is a love story and it should have a happy ending. I will send you to Dean, but your grace will be restricted so you can lead a human life: you’ll age, you’ll be able to physically feel things, you’ll basically be human. And I will take away your memories, like I did with him.” _

 

_ “Why?” Cas asked slowly, his voice sounded broken. _

 

_ “Because you still don't believe in your love. You don't believe you deserve to be loved. You wouldn't go to him if you knew who you were. You would think he's better off without you.” _

 

_ “But if we can't remember each other, how should I find him?”  _

 

_ Chuck smiled, “He will find you. Have a little faith.” Chuck laid his hand on Cas's shoulder, “You both need a fresh start, time to grow, time to heal, and to build a new home. It will take time, but you both will get your happily ever after.” _

 

Cas blinked as the memory stopped after that. He took in a deep, shuddering breath and sat down on the grass, feeling overwhelmed with the realization that – Yes, he could have this. There was no waking up from this dream, no footnote or catch. This was his reward.

 

“Cas? You okay?” The worry in Dean’s voice was palpable as he stepped out in the garden and walked up to him. 

 

“I think so, yes,” the words left his lips without thinking about them. Was he okay? He was more than okay. Cas looked up at Dean with wide eyes, “Yes, definitely. I remembered why I’m here.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened, “What? What did you remember?”

 

“My father… he sent me here on purpose without my memories,” he shook his head and chuckled mirthlessly, “He wanted to teach me a final lesson.”

 

Dean’s brow furrowed as he shook his head in confusion, “What lesson?”

 

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and intertwined their fingers, giving him a smile. "To have faith again. And to see for my own eyes, how strong our bond is. How we will always find each other. And how I can have this... with you. I never believed I would deserve this, or that you would really want me in your life. I was blinded by guilt for so long. But now I’ve been given this opportunity to get to know you again... and it feels like a new beginning." 

 

The comforting squeeze Dean gave was accompanied by a blinding smile, “So, did you learn your lesson then?”

 

“I did,” Cas responded with an equal smile, wondering if a heart could actually burst with happiness. It certainly felt that way.

 

“Good,” Dean mumbled as he closed the distance between them. A sweet, chaste kiss that encompassed his entire being. When Dean drew back, he cupped Cas’s cheek, “So, if I told you I love you, what would you do?”

 

“I would tell you that I love you, too. That you’re the most important person in my existence and I want to spend the rest of my life at your side,” Cas told him with a calm smile. He touched Dean’s cheek tenderly, “You complete me, Dean.”

 

“You had me at ‘Hello’.” He chuckled.

 

Cas couldn’t stop himself. He pushed Dean on the grass and kissed him deeply, sliding on top of him. Dean chuckled against his lips before Cas drew back to look at him with a confused head tilt, "When did I say 'hello'?"

 

“I figured if you were gonna quote a chick flick, I should, too.” Dean gave him an amused smirk.

 

Cas was confused; he hadn’t even been aware that he had quoted a ‘chick flick’. The sun broke out between the few clouds in the blue sky and the sunlight shone down on them. Dean squinted his eyes at the bright light, his eyes almost had the color of birch leaves in the the spring. Something settled inside Cas’s heart and he smiled at Dean before he stood up and helped him to his feet again. “What do you want to do today?”

 

Dean dusted his jeans off and as he stood up, he pulled a couple of tickets from his shirt pocket. He grinned down at them before sidling up next to Cas. He flicked them with pride and watched Cas’s expression as realization dawned on him. “Figured today was as good as ever to see the World’s Largest Ball of Twine. Whadd’ya say?”

 

Cas’s smile widened as he nodded quickly, feeling excited and happy that they would do this. It wasn’t the Ball of Twine that got him to feel so excited, but the feeling that they had finally found each other and they were about to start their life together, “I can’t wait to see it all… with you.”

 

Dean’s hand slid to Cas’s neck, up to cup his face, thumb gently stroking along his jaw, “Come on, let’s go see it all…”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas couldn’t stop smiling down at the silly photo they had taken in front of the largest Ball of Twine. They had even sent a postcard to Sam and his family where they had written every fact about the Ball of Twine there was to know in very, very small lettering so they could fit on the postcard.

 

The drive back was long and in all his memories from their former life he couldn’t remember ever feeling so content and happy. Dean was singing to the music on his tape, every so often glancing over at him and smiling. 

 

The sun was already setting when Dean parked in the driveway, painting the house in warm orange colors. Cas chuckled and playfully shoved into Dean, when they walked side by side towards the house, “Welcome home.”

 

Dean turned to him and pointed up at the house, “This? – This is a house. But this?” He tapped at Cas’s chest, “This is home.”

 

Being home. That had been the feeling that settled in his heart. Cas mirrored the gesture, placing his hand over Dean's heart. He nodded and leaned forward, his lips brushing over Dean's, as he quietly repeated, "Home."

  
  


**The end**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: First and foremost, for those of you who are reading one of our fics for the first time, we thank the habitual commenters in our end notes. I think it’s part of our schtick now. <3<3 So, without further adieu, thank you to: [tfw_cas](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas), [Libby_Grief](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Libby_Grief/pseuds/Libby_Grief), [stylinourry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinourry/pseuds/stylinourry), and [MellQueenOfHell](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MellQueenOfHell/pseuds/MellQueenOfHell)! Thank you for your awesome habitual comments!
> 
> Also, thank you everyone else who took the time to comment. It’s always awesome to read them! You guys rock!
> 
> And of course, thank you to my amazing writing partner, Any. This fic was a first for us in a lot of ways, particularly working on our comfort level with AU fics. A genre neither of us were particularly into, but wanting to explore our strengths and weaknesses, this sucker was developed. Thank you for bringing me on to work on this with you. Love you, my unicorn.
> 
> And, of course, shoutouts to Google, Astroglide, and the awesome characters that constantly excite and challenge us as writers! <3<3
> 
> Any here: Haha, I love how foreshadowing Frankie's notes are with "working on our comfort level with AU fics". Because believe it or not, there a few things we work on, that aren't our usual kind of genre or even pairing!!
> 
> Anyway, I'm so happy to see this story finished. I started this a long time ago (before I even knew Frankie) and it seems it only waited for Frankie to come along to be my Dean again. So @Frankie thank you, without you this would still be just a project gaining dust.
> 
> Also a big THANK YOU and FLUFFY DESTIEL HUG to all our readers, kudos and of course comment givers. You guys are the wind beneath our wings ;)


End file.
